13 years


#1

Can I ask you this have you made her feel that you want her by getting her flowers and cards and other things? This is very important for a woman its there needs. Even more being with her that long the fire will lose its heat if not fueled been there done that try it she will either love it or not if you really want her this is the first step and this is the first and there will many to walk in order to keep a love going
Hope this works


#2

flowers and gifts are great and all… BUT it is the small things. Saying good morning… how are you today?.. COMMUICATION. Doing things “just because” like a chore she usually does ex… loading/unloading the dishwasher… taking the trash our AND putting a new bag in w/o being asked. Putting a post it note on the mirror that says “thinking of you”. Getting up and getting the kids ready for school so she can sleep in… these are the things that matter. Flowers die and candy makes her booty grow (female issue). Respect her and her opinion. You may not agree with what she thinks, but that is the great thing about opinions… they are your (and her) own… and they don’t have to be just alike. What has happened while you were away is that she realized that she can live without you. That is the battle you now face.


#3

Lowerjumper,

I was in a relationship similar to you yours, but, I was the wife. I’m not even going to beat up on you, as I see you have taken responsibility for your actions.

My husband violated our marriage and home with another woman. I was there for him in every sense. He had no reason to go outside of our marriage for affection…he was just greedy and selfish.

To make a really long story short…I asked him to leave…I needed time to absorb what had happened. HE still has not accepted responsibility for ALL that he’s done to me. He has been incarcerated for 10 months, due to things he’s done to me because I wouldn’t take him back. Please do not act like a crazy person to your wife…give her some time and try to seek marriage counseling.

However, I must admit…with his beeing absent, I had A LOT of time to think about our relationship…I saw all the things he did to me - that I didn’t see THEN…or maybe I did and didn’t want to accept it. The better I was to him…the more he did behind my back…and then, he brought it home!

Please be nice during the very hurtful time…believe me, she is in pain too. Try to make it better. Show her you’ve changed…and mean it!


#4

Wow kenmore, that is pretty bad. He is in jail now for things he did because you wouldn’t take him back? That is terrible. Why do people have to be so crazy?


#5

My wife and I have been married 13 years. As with all marriages, I assume, our marriage had its ups and downs. When it was “up” it was great, when it was “down” it was usually my fault. I would gripe alot about petty stuff and sometimes if I got mad, I would say things that i really didnt mean.

My wife loved me unconditionally, and always looked at the bright side of everything. She is the greatest person that I know and I have told her that numerous times. The main problem that i had was that i didnt “show” her that i loved her. And it made her feel like she couldnt make me happy.

I deployed to Iraq in November 2006. When I deployed, we werent on the greatest terms, and I was only supposed to be gone for 4 months. We figured that we would resolve our problems after I got back. I got extended for 15 months.

During those 15 she went into a deep depression, a realized that she needed to make herself happy and stop worrying about making ME happy.

She emailed me in Iraq and told me that she wanted a divorce.

I returned about 10 days ago, im still living in our house until i can find a place to rent.

She has told me that she doesnt want to “let me in” again, out of fear that i will hurt her again =(.

She cannot actually say " I dont want you anymore" She says taht she is jsut scared that i will hurt her.

The hardest part of all of this is…its ALL MY FAULT!!!

I should have realized long ago that i was driving a wedge in between us. I should have realized that i needed to “show” her more often what she means to me.

If there is anyone out there, going thru something like this…Please, show your spouse how much you care…and do it often.