Adultery, Threatening Custody, Still Living in Same House

My husband and I agreed to separate at my request, but have deep concerns about being able to sell the house without taking a major financial loss, so we have continued to live in the house, under a written financial agreement and custody agreement, in separate parts of the house. I no longer have access to the joint banking. Neither of us wears a ring or denies the separation. Will this qualify as separate and apart?
Additionally, he has reasonable proof that I have been in a sexual relationship since the separation and has made it clear that he is willing to use this in court to affect custody of our two children. I will not be asking for financial support of any kind and intend to share the children’s custody as close as 50/50 as his location and their school schedules will allow. The relationship is fairly public at this point (I had no idea, though I clearly should have, that it shouldn’t have been) and any meaningful denial seems absurd. I would end it for my children, of course, but it seems a little late, and the thought that after so many years of controlling behavior he could continue to manipulate my behavior using the children in this way infuriates me. What kind of power does he have in this, and for how long?

No, North Carolina does not recognize constructive separation, whereby parties’ are living separate lives in the same house. You must have two separate residences in order to qualify as being separated.

Typically adultery is not a determinative factor in custody, as the courts must consider each and every factor relating to the children’s overall well being and their best interests.