In my opinion, I would have him call the Sherrif’s Department and find out if they have an warrent for his arrest. If there is, then he needs to “turn himself in”. Sounds terrible, I know, but it’s better to be upfront about everything. Have a copy of the canceled check and a print out of the posted payment. Call his case worker after you find out if the arrest warrent is legitimate. The courts are slow to respond and sometimes part of the information comes through but a day too late. Wonder why there was an arrest warrent issued if all he had to do was pay before the court date? Maybe they have to issue one to get the court date?? Maybe they have already canceled it due to payment being posted??
First, find out if it’s legit, and then call the case worker.
He called and has found out that he now has a new case worker. Apparently the warrent is for him not appearing in court on 8/4/06. Keep in mind that the payment was sent on-line on 7/31/06 and was taken from my bank account within 15 minutes of completing the on-line payment. It then posted to his child support account on 8/2/06. He called and informed his case worker that it was sent, she told him she would check the system to see when it would post. If she had done this she would have seen that it posted on 8/2/06 and should have changed the court order when she appeared on 8/4/06. My husband was told twice that he did not have to appear in court as long as it was paid before the court date. They have record of his call to their office so why did this not happen the way it should have? His new case worker is acting as if he has no clue as to what is happening. I’m sure he doesn’t! It really upsets me because that was my pay check that went to pay his child support. He was to give me his check for two weeks to recover what I spent. Of course this did not happen either because we had to go to Florida for his Grandmother’s services and that took over $500.00 to get there and eat and get back. I can’t help but remember how easy it was when I had my two children and myself to take care of. It’s almost like he has no clue how to be responsible. Now I have taken in his nephew as well. All of the grown up things fall on me while he plays video games and spends money on Lottery tickets, cigerates, and anything else he thinks he wants. He does spend money on me that is not needed. Mostly when he has to say he is sorry for being a jerk. Example: I went home from work yesterday…took his nephew to pick up his new glasses and stopped at the store for milk. I asked my husband if he would fix dinner while I was gone. Hot dogs was all I asked him to do! He called me on my cell and said that he would rather have something else to eat, of course it was something that only I could cook. I asked if he would at least cook something as a side dish to go with it. I arrived back home to find that he was still sitting in the game room playing a video game. We had our words and after he threw the hot dogs at me he went back and started playing again. I can’t let to boys go hungry!!!I cooked dinner, even made his plate. He ate so fast it wasn’t even funny. He was finished by the time i had my plate and was sitting down to eat. There he was on the video game again and I was left to eat alone and clean the kitchen afterwards. He did absolutly nothing all afternoon, then went bed.
With everything that I am going through right now he acts like a child. I am seriously thinking of asking him to leave. I think that is one of the main reasons he wanted his nephew to come live with us, it gave him comfort that I would not ask him to leave if he was there.
Wow [:0] Sounds like maybe you need to quit doing all this for him. In my opinion, it sounds like maybe getting arrested for late child support may make him sit up and take notice. Think of it as “worst case scenario”, I mean, thankfully, he’s not going to be put in front of a firing squad for this. So, the worst that happens is…
I waited on my ex hand and foot. I told myself that I did it because he would do it for me…I kept thinking that eventually he would HAVE to grow up. Boy, was I delusional. You can’t change them! You can’t save them! You can quit taking responsibility for his actions (or lack of) and you should. You have control over exactly ONE person on this planet, children not included, and that’s YOU.
My husband and I share almost everything, even the grocery shopping. Most days I cook because I get home earlier, but he clears up the kitchen. He takes care of the yard and washes the vehicles, but I do all the laundry. It evens out in the end. I don’t mind carrying him a drink cause he does it for me, it’s called common courtesy.
Wouldn’t his nephew still be welcome? You both have guardianship or just him? Or is this still something that is temporary?
I understand exactly what you are saying!
I did make it through this weekend with five boys and a time schedule for all the funeral arragements. It was not easy but we did it!!!
So far we have heard nothing of the arrest warrent, my husband will be contacting his case worker this morning, she told him on Friday that it would be today before she could do anything. We will see.
Stressed, Tired and Ready to Drop!!!
Dear patricia1:
Greetings. If he is ordered to appear in court on a show cause, then he typically has to appear even if he pays. I would tell him to discuss this with the case worker again and get something in writing. Thank you and good luck.
Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax
301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax
1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.
This message is mainly for Stepmother:
I would like to thank you all the help and support you have given to so many like me.
I made a change in my life this morning that has given me and my children freedom again. After 2 years of dating and a very short marriage I told my husband to leave. He has left and taken his nephew with him. I feel so sorry for that young man, but I have two children of my own who I must think of. Last friday I spent the day upset and worried, also hungry because my husband had left me with no money and no food to eat. This was the second time that he had done this to me this month. Keep in mind that I spent my pay check paying his child support and I only get paid once a month. It’s just been an on going battle, he is verbily abusive to me and my children and a few times was physically abusive.
I just feel so much better now. I can’t wait to get home and clean my house the way it was better. My children and I will be able to have a nice dinner and maybe even watch a movie.
My life leason with all of this is you can not help someone who does not want to help themselves. If you men and women out there are in a realionship where you are the only one acting as the adult and taking the responsiblity of caring for a family also paying for everything. Please be careful.
I just learned that my husband has an arrest order for him that was issued on 8/4/06, we paid over $1,300.00 in child support on 7/31/06. I have checked the system and that payment posted as a credit to his account on 8/2/06. So how can they still issue an arrest order in court on 8/4/06 and schedule another court date for 10/6/06. He had talked with his case worker and was told that as long as the payment posted before the court date he would not have to appear in court. I wonder if anyone in that office even checked the records before court that morning. We have already been through so much this month, with his grandmother passing and his nephew moving in with us. Then I’ve been dealing with my family’s issues regarding the fact that his nephew is living with us and the fact that my oldest son and him are staying at home until school starts next Friday. To top it off I rec’d a call from my sister last night to tell us that my brother-in-law’s father had passed. I’m keeping their two children this weekend and taking them back and forth to the services. I really do not need anymore stress at this time. We have worked so hard to get his child support problems taken care of. He did get behind a couple of months when he moved backed and was looking for a job, once he started working again he paid. He had asked to go to court and have his support ajusted to is new income, but once we paid the back support we decided that we could handle it at the amount that it was. He informed his case worker that he would not need to appear in court to have the support adjusted. What can I do?