Balancing Responsibilities

My husband has 2 children from first marriage (I do too) all school age.
We have one of our own, toddler.
We both work fulltime +. We pay daycare and b4/after school out of pocket.
We pay for medical, dental insurance.
We barely make ends meet. But we do. And we do NOT live off family or govt programs.

His ex has filed motion to review child support.
Honestly, I’m having a hard time separating emotion from logic.
Ex is voluntarily underemployed. Less than 20 hrs / wk. (Less than kids!)
Lives rent free bill free in $.5Million family estate - alone, just her and kids.
Drives family car.
Receives FREE ycare for b4/after and trackout through family friend employer.
Receives Medicare for kids.
We think receives food stamps - but Child Support Enforcement reminds us that’s none of our business!
During their marriage she worked fulltime, they paid daycare for two kids, and they paid medical/dental,and rented.
But apparently also none of that matters.
So divorce for her = early retirement and boy toys?

My husband currently only pays a few hundred $$ a month.
She’d like him to pay more!
She continues to file motion to modify visitation based on his work schedule and her ability to spend more time with the kids … and it WORKS! because she has time and family $$ to go sit in court!

My emotional outrage: Get off your butt and go work! Raise a daughter that will work and not just marry for $$/divorce. Stop causing struggle and chaos in MY home by pretending that you are ENTITLED to live off my husband and my family … so that you can suck on your cigarettes off the sweat off my husband’s back!
My kids wear Walmart’s finest … and I’m somehow supposed to feel okay buying her kids Sketchers and Justice? It makes me bitter, it makes me closely monitor my kids interaction with my stepkids entitlement. It’s not healthy.

This may sound very stingy … but we’re at the point that my husband cannot afford to do simple things like pizza with his kids and still pay bills, make support payments. Meanwhile the life his kids are used to at mom’s (grandmas!) includes hot tubs, trampolines, pets, forts, go-carts, convertibles, dirt bikes, beach house, boat …

My legal questions:

  1. Can my husband introduce his obligation for our daughter?
  2. Can he introduce our shared obligation to my children? (We certainly share his obligation to his children!)
  3. Is there any place on these worksheets to highlight that we PAY REAL MONEY for the privilege of working that is NOT EQUIVALENT to his obligation to his other two children b/c they receive free care and we pay $1000+/mo for full-time daycare?
  4. Is there any forum to raise awareness to the fact that he and I actually have bills in our names (house, cars, utilities) … so while there is a difference in income, ours actually goes to living expenses and not just to beach trips? This woman does not have a single bill in her name. How is that even possible? Isn’t there a biblical term for women of this profession?

And the clincher question:
Do you want to take our case? Or some advice to help me simmer …

(Maybe you are wondering … my visitation / support has never gone to court … it flexes based on need and ability to help … has never hampered my kids from seeing their dad … and is based on not taking / giving what’s not used directly for kids activities, needs, interests. My kids are MY responsibility … and I would never take from their father what he could give them himself!) People just suck.

Yes, the child support calculator should take your children into consideration. If it doesn’t already, I woud want to recalculate because his obligation may go down.

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