Caught off guard, medical issues, can she do this?


#1

I have been married since 2013. We lived together for 1 year before marrying in RI so it would be legal. She has always been the proud primary bread winner and loved knowing that. I am on her insurance as well. I have several medical issues that she assured me was not an issue. She was fine with me making less as long as I was doing something I enjoyed. I have had 2 surgeries and several hospital stays within the past 6 months. Upon my last stay I was wrongly terminated and am now facing a legal battle that is a guaranteed win. I was discriminated under a protect federal law as well as several HIPPA violations. Since I am now without a job she has literally just shut down and shut me out. During my last hospital stay she transferred almost all of our cash into a new individual account and demanded I open my own. She wants a separation and wants me to move out of state to live with family. My car, that I have made payments on for 2 years is in her name and she says I can’t keep it now. She also knows me leaving would mean leaving my everything including my pets. So I am to just kick rocks and be OK with suddenly losing the love of my life, who until recently treated me like a queen and loved me like no one ever has. I don’t have family and her job brought us to a new state 3 years ago. We were both excited to be starting a new adventure with our soul mate and favorite person. We literally were so in love that everyone wanted to be us. She is/was my best friend and biggest cheerleader, my world and I am hers althoug beyond devasted and scared to death of just having everything taken from me and having to start a new life with nothing including the person that worked hard to convince me to trust her and marry her, because I was terrified to trust. She had to push to get me to finally have a joint bank account. And yet, poof she just took it right away and actually said “her money” which she pushed and pushed for me to be comfortable accepting as ours. Although, she did say I could have about $3000 and she would let me go without debt because she would assume it all. Which is something I have attributed to because part of it is a very expensive washer/dryer that I had to beg and push her buy for ME!! If I leave. I DO NOT want to leave my home or my pets. I am heartbroken and cannot comprehend how I am completely disposable and a nuisance to her for feeling normal human emotions. I know she legally is obligated to provide for now, but our lease is up in 3 months and she said she won’t sign another lease with me. I have been blocked from our joint account, lost my job, medical issues to treat and being told to leave town(I don’t have anyone here I could go to)and abandon my everything. I have refused and demanded therapy which has just started, but I know I can’t accept the way she has treated me and her utter disregard and lack of emotion over watching me become more broken daily. It actually annoys her. I told her finally that I can’t take her love and compassion and companionship every 4 days or so just to be treated like I am her biggest annoyance in life. I am done and I know I don’t deserve this, but I cannot support myself right now and am scared of what will happen when the lease is up. Can she just go live somewhere and leave me on the side of the road? We are not kids. I am 40 years old and not in anyway perfect, but I treat her great. I am fit and attractive and people atill think I am in my 20s. I WANT to work, but I have to do what my lawyers suggest as far as my recent wrongful firing. I do not believe she has cheated on a physical level, but emotionally for sure. She has started having lunch with coworkers, going to have drinks, dinner. She just decided to start living a different life. She found companship and fun and laughter with anyone but me. She has always been annoyingly frugal, but is having food and drinks out a lot. I have found receipts for several times in a week. She NEVER ate out. I always prepared meals and she insisted on leftovers always. She said we needed to save money and didn’t even get me a Christmas card, but I did find out she took a day trip with a friend and spent $200 2 days before Christmas. She admits it was a betrayal and says she didn’t think I would ever find out. It’s as if I don’t exist and it infuriates her that I dare be hurt over it. What do I do? I have major chronic medical conditions that will require lifetime maintenance, but it’s not affecting me to any degree that would affect how I function day to day and as a wife unless I have a flair and she assured me she would take care of me and love me and support me a lifetime. Can she just take everything we had together because she makes the majority share of income? I don’t want to end up enemies and am willing to end things amicably, though heartbroken just so we don’t end up hating each other. She just wants to avoid me and my emotions and won’t even be civil to me for an adult conversation. I am now in a diagnosed Major Depressive episode over all of this and to her that is just one more reason to be agitated and feel justified for completely emotionally abandoning me and our entire life together. What do I do? Where do I start? I am so emotionally broken right now I can’t fathom how to survive this without permanent scars and no life. I am able physically to work, but don’t have the skills to earn enough to completely start over with nothing and take care of myself and my medical conditions and monthly medications I have to have for the rest of my life. She doesn’t make a huge amount, but makes 3 times what I do and is likely going to get another promotion and substantial pay increase in the next few months. She also has a retirement account and 401k that gave been active over 15 years. Since we haven’t been married but a few years what are my chances of her having to help me. I don’t want to fight her. I feel I deserve to be treated like I have always been because she was overjoyed to make me feel loved and secure and used to get frustrated that I wouldn’t let her do more for me. I feel she should have to be penalized for, without cause, uddenly took every bit of my emotional and financial security away that she desperately wanted to me to feel from her. I just don’t know how this is my life. What do I do? I feel paralyzed and keep asking if this is a dream. I don’t even know her. This is as opposite of who she is as she could get. The sad part is nobody would believe she was capable of such hurtful and malicious behavior. Especially to me of all people. She adored me. She knows and admits I have given her my whole heart and been faithful and haven’t done anything that would justify what I am now forced into accepting. I haven’t been perfect, but I gave her more love than I thought I could give anyone. Help!! Lots of advice needed and quickly. I had an abusive 10 year marriage in my 20s. She knew how important my indepence was just because I had not been allowed to even drive a car or have friends or a phone even!! I haven’t been able to build credit and she assured me she could provide what I would need. I can’t get the car financed in my name so she just is going to screw me. Actually, she now wants a jeep apparently and has mentioned trading both of our cars in for that. What planet am I on? This cannot be reality. Can she be held responsible for making it a priority to give me a comfortable, secure life both emotionally and financially then just literally taking it all away and doing it in such a emotionless way. Except anger and disgust. I even traded in my old car which wasn’t great, but I had worked and paid for it myself just to get the car that has never been anything but mine. I can’t afford it on my own if I lose everything else I own too.


#2

I’m sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Do you have specific questions related to your circumstances? I would suggest you spend some time looking through our alimony and equitable distribution articles on our website to get an idea of what you can expect in terms of spousal support and property division. I’d be happy to answer any specific questions you may have about the legal aspects of your separation and divorce.