Are you generally of the mindset that a tween calls the shots? If there were even allegations of abuse, I would be saying something VERY different. But you said no abuse, just anger. And sorry, but a tween doesn’t get to disobey, ignore a parent and go their merry way because they are upset.
I am the child of divorce. My parents were polar opposites about how they raised us and it was absolutely horrific to spend ANY time with my father who trotted us out like prized farm animals to show off when it was convenient but otherwise ignored us or made is feel like mistaken obligations. My mother allowed us to respectfully vent, but until we were 18 we did not have a choice in having to see him when he opted to exercise his visitation. It made me, and most of my siblings, very mad that he could choose to show up or not, but we could not choose to go with him or not.
My mother said that tails don’t wag dogs and that as children we were not going to direct adults. And she was right. And in life that is simply how it is. You don’t always want to do things, but they need to be done and your child is NEVER going to get over their issues if they just block out the other parent and stew in their own anger.
Be a parent, NOT a friend and tell them to get their butt in dad’s (or mom’s) car the next time they come to pick up.