My husband has finally agreed to separate and divorce, after many years. I am not healthy enough to work, and have not been with the acception of part time, the first months of our marriage. My husband knew I was ill, before we married. I applied for SS disability,during the marriage, but my husband failed to return the papers on time, and I was unable to do so, the first time I applied. I reapplied, but was denied, largely in part, because I have not been able to properly seek medical counsel, because of money issues, even though we do have insurance.
First question, do I need to get statements from my doctors and copies or tests, limited and inconclusive to diagnosis, as they are, to present in mediation and/or court? Will that be likely effect property disbursement or just spousal suport? What can I expect, I would work, if I was able and would have left long ago, had I had my own income, leaving him everything, I couldn’t carry just to get out, but I did not have that option. I worked in a professional medical capacity, prior to the marriage and my sincere thoughts were that I would be able to work longer, having a spouse to share in responisbilities, having less stress, at home, and this was discussed, prior to the marriage. It turned out that it was just the opposite and I had to stop working much sooner than I anticipated, through more, not less responsibilities and increased stress, at home, from the beginning. I strongly doubt I could ever hope to return to the field, in which I hold an associate degree, since it has been about nine years, even if my health and mental capabilities were to improve, once I am on my own again. Best case, I would be settling for minimum wage jobs, probably part time, if my health returns, in any part, which I can not foresee what will happen, I don’t have any idea what my earning power will be down the road.
Also, he informed me today that he has hired a lawyer, after we both agreed, we did not have the money, for that and said he would pay for me to do the same and it would not count against me. I think this is probably a good thing, but I have no idea of which lawyer, I should hire and I can’t let him decide. He makes between $50 and $60 thousand a year, but we have a lot of debts, including a mortgage. I broght no debt to the marriage and I am strongly against debt, but was never allowed to manage our finances.
Second question, we have an appointment for mediation, coming up, do we still need to do that, if we both have lawyers or should we save our money, for mediation costs and just let the lawyers handle the process. I am concerned about being in the midst of a nervous breakdown, becauase of the ongoing mental and emotional abuses and minor physical abuses, to both myself and my chid, I am in a vulnerable place and may not make the right decisions and give up too much, just to get it over or thinking it is fair, when it isn’t.
As far as I know neither one of us is or has cheated and I have been there, with men cheating in two previous marriages. I know what that feels like. He was just not willing to admit defeat or driven by something, that he would wear down my physical and mental state, to the point, where I could not stand up, for myself and would reluctantly agree to give it another chance, until now. Neither of us have been truly happy, most of the nine years of marriage and I do not want my daughter to get the idea it is ok to remain in an unhappy marriage or have it effect her teen years, adversely. I know this is lengthy, but I gave up everything in both my other divorces, save child support, because I was well and able to work. I just can’t afford to do that, now.