Let me set this up…
- wife and I have lived separate and apart since summer of last year…(current civil complaint - for custody and ED - in NC filed by her says Sept 1, 2009 as date of separation - but frankly I’ve been away for 1.5yrs)
- I had the kids in another state (our 2nd home) for schools and seriously fun activities - mr. mom - by myself - for 1 1/2 yrs with them up here…fully matriculated in school…friends etc etc…
- long story short…we grew apart…and have been for a good while.
- I agreed to have the kiddos (3 of them) go home for their spring break in April…she kept them and they never came back…she hastily shoved them into school down in NC
- I filed for divorce in May up here in my state…and she has a civil action for custody/etc in NC - we staked our respective corners so to speak.
- she is now dictating my access to the kids…and is “filling up their calendar” with loads of stuff…and basically not giving me any options
- I’m far away…and I would like them to come up for an event in our town in mid-july…she will no doubt say no and give an excuse.
- When I said I was coming down for one of their birthdays in late june, STBX said they’re going to disney world…you kinda get the picture…I’m being shut out. she listens in on their convos with me etc etc.
- While my STBX played a game of snatch the kids, I’m taking the high road…I just want out of the marriage…I DO desparately want to continue my role as great dad by having reasonable access to the kids (them here and me there on whatever occasions are appropriate…and I want ED of the assets…
- if you got this email - conspicuous details blanked out of course sent to me today - how would you respond?
Tomorrow is the last day of school for the kids so I wanted to let you know their summer schedule. Child 1 and Child 2 will be attending XYZ Academy Monday thru Friday beginning June 14th. They will be participating in an academic program in the morning and camp activities in the afternoon. Child 1 will be doing activity X about once-twice a week with my friend Z. She is also interested in activity Y (plans pending). Child 2 will be taking activity art lessons with the Arts Center this month and in July and August. He is interested in activities A and B as well (plans pending). Child 3 will be working odd jobs this summer. He will be doing copying, filing, sorting, etc. for me 2-3 days a week. He will be with my Dad 1 day a week and possibly washing/vaccuming cars on X’s used car lot one day a week. Child 3 is interested in taking clarinet lessons (so he can take Band next year) and piano lessons (plans pending). Y has offered to teach Child 3 golf and tennis. All three kids will be attending a sailing camp from July 12-23rd. In order to prep for camp we will all be going swimming most everyday in the evening and on the weekends. They have to be able to swim 50 yards without a life jacket before they are able to get in their sailboats. None of them can swim more than 20 feet at this time. We are leaving for Orlando two weeks from today on June 23rd. We will be staying with [friends] from June 23-28. If you have plans to come down and visit please let me know so I can add that to the calendar. Their first day of school for the 2010-2011 school year is August 25th.
- understand something here… I am absolutely ecstatic and happy that the kids are going to do all this stuff…the stuff they’d do up here is what kids dreams are made of frankly-so I’m glad they’re not sitting around playing the wii all summer long down there…and note how she assumes that they’re gonna be in school down in NC when I’m fighting for jurisdiction up here right now with the courts.
but under these circumstances where she has the kids in her possession…we’re separated but not divorced yet…and she’s strong arming me about making my schedule fit the schedule she has established for the kids…what can I do that isn’t snatch-the-kids scenario so some attorneys would say to do…I’m not like that and it’s not in the interest of the kids…but I want to exert my influence as their dad…and be free to come down there and take them whereever and whenever to have fun…
also understand that she is hell-bent on scorching the earth around me…and attempting to destroy my relationship with the kids…by blaming me for the marriage’s failure… the “I love daddy, but your daddy doesn’t love me, and he’s chosen to not be with us anymore…” was actually said to the kids…nice light I’m in now huh…
long winded as hell here… but I’m not going to cause a scene in front of the kids…I have employed a low/no contact policy with her because I need my sanity…
what would you do mr/ms. lawyer if you were me…how would you forcefully but tactfully assert your rights in a situation like this…I want them to come up but I know she’ll say no way…I feel like I couldn’t even take them to busch gardens by myself over her hysterical objections… she obviously fears that I would do the same thing she did to me…even though I would never…because this isn’t about the kids…it’s between her and I …and i just want out…and do the right thing by my kids…and get ED of what we have accumulated…
I’m deeply saddened by all this…but I’m in a better place for the decision I’ve made…and in time my kids will hopefully see that my happiness is beneficial to them too.
Thanks for any advice…I need it from wayy up north hehe.