If the husband of a married couple invited another male into the bedroom to have sex with his wife while he watched and then many years later after the husband and wife’s relationship went south (yet they were still legally married) for obvious reasons then she had an affair with another man. I would like to confirm that from the day of the first situation there is already infidelity in the realtionship so it would not matter what happened from that point on since the marriage was already tainted and over from the sense of only the husband and his wife having sex. Meaning can the second act be anymore of an affair than the first since to me the first seems even worse since the husband got his wife drunk and then planned to bring in the third party. It was all very planned.


The first act of drunken sex with another man while husband watched would not be considered an affair. He condoned it, set it up and watched for his own pleasure, obviously. He can’t ‘get you’ for that’.

Having done that first act does NOT open the door to make subsequent affairs or acts “OK”. That first act seems more of a consensual, personal sex style between you and the other men. An affair is more covert/secretive and the other spouse usually doesn’t know about it or doesn’t approve of it.


I agree wholeheartedly with the comments made by comingclean2. The initial incident would be found to either condoned (forgiven) or even found to be recrimination. This means that the husband could not benefit from a “wrong” which he in fact encouraged.
The initial incident will not however, does not chance the fact that the affair continued thereafter, and that may be a factor if alimony is at issue in the case.


Not sure I follow. I offered to post this for a friend since she is totally our of her mind about it. She did not choose to be a part of act one but felt per her husband that she had to go along with his sick fun. Many years later it occured a second time. She has now left the marriage but the husband is now trying to claim that a few weeks before leaving the marriage that she had an affair. I had thought that from the first act on and more so the second time it occured years later the marriage was already over since there has been sex outside of the married couple and worse he set it up. I am sure you have already answered but I was not clear on why the so called affair she had a week before leaving the marriage is any worse than what he had asked her to do within the marriage with a third party. Seems to me like a double std and as long as he was a part of it and was in control then he was okay with no understanding or concern how his wife felt.


The affair is separate and distinct from the first incident, which was condoned, and even encouraged. Despite the condonation the second incident is not forgiven by the circumstances of the first.


I think you’re letting the morality issues cloud judgement. The first 2 acts may have been sick and unwanted by the wife, but she did do them and the husband condoned/wanted it. She didn’t file any criminal charges against her husband or the other man. A case like that could go both ways…a drunken ‘fun/kinky’ sex night or a case of possible spousal abuse. The bad thing ion her side was that nothing was criminally filed on her behalf saying she did the act unwilling or for fear for her safety.

The last ‘affair’ may have been cleaner/nicer/more willing (however you want to label it), but it was still sex with someone that wasn’t her husband and that he didn’t ‘allow’ her to sleep with. Yes…maybe a double standard, but it’s against the law.


Sex with another man at the husbands’ urging= no affair
Sex with another man that the husband did not know about = affair


Concisely put quixote…I was more long-winded :wink: