Integrated vs non-integrated or separate


#1

My husband is hung up on our sep ag being integrated. My attorney insists that I keep it integrated. This has created an impasse. I believe he is just stalling to cause me emotional distress. What are the implications of each wording? He wants it to be separate. I do not trust him at all. He has made so many promises and reneges the next day or so.
Also, my husband says he had me followed and that my car was parked at a male friend’s house for 16 hours. It is true that my car was parked there for 16 hours. I did not have relations with this friend. I really got stuck because of cataracts and couldn’t drive back to where I was going to stay. I didn’t tell my husband because he is so controlling I knew that visiting would make him angry. I was shocked and disgusted and felt like it was creepy that he supposedly had me followed.(I think he bugged my car or phone) I visited my cousin and did some work I had to do and needed to finish the work the next day. That was my plan and the visit was “if I had time” come by for a cookout kind of thing. Sorry this is so long.
This was the precipitating factor of our separation. I realized when he did that (snooped on me) that I really had had it. Plus I was truly afraid that he could get violent not just verbally abusive when he confronted me. It killed what was left in me. He would follow me if I went into the yard. We were together 24/7 unless he was at the grocery store or Walmart. No kidding, How he could suspect me of infidelity with our being joined at the hip all the time is really crazy and odd.
My question is since we have a prenup and an AB Trust( which I revoked Aug 31) can he use this to pressure me into giving him things he doesn’t have a right to? Also, my friend has been stressed and so has his wife. Pulling them into this would be cruel. His brother has cancer (the reason I wanted to see him) and his wife’s son at 18 is in liver failure.
I had 2 surgeries this summer and I think my husband wouldn’t sign the deeds back to me or sign the agreement to make me more stressed. He stood to gain living here and having use of 1.2 million of my property for his lifetime if I died in surgery. He denies this ,of course, that he wanted that.
Our only community or marital property is a car we bought together that he has taken possession even though he hasn’t paid me for the more than half I put into it and a house he bought in NZ. I was going to take nothing from that New Zealand property even though I own it with him and am on the deed. He gifted it to me and it is not nor was it ever in the trust.(he has offered to give me $20,000 NZD when it sells. It is worth about $300,000. It has doubled in value in part because I talked him into redoing the kitchen and I painted and had rooms papered etc. Brought it out of the 70’s look. My house has devalued 20 % or $160,000. in three years,
I bought a motor home (he found it and got me to commit to it assuming we would split that cost and then announced that I would pay for it) and HE put his name on the title first. He refuses to give me the keys he has, or to sign the title over to me. I made serious financial decisions based on his pressure and promise to pay monthly Country Club fees if I bought in here. A house he liked and I didn’t. I bought the house and the $40,000 membership. I also had joined another club prior to finding this house, Needless to say this puts a real strain on me. He also promised to pay the $1200./yr storage on the motor home and maintain it as well as pay for the gas when we used it. I just had to pay the $1200. Given all of this and his refusal to sign my deeds (I did take them out of the Trust as was stated in the trust that I could do with just my signature) and his continuing emotional controlling behavior I am tempted to just wait and take this to court if necessary. I DON"T WANT TO DO THAT. Can he get any of the property protected by the pre-nup? By the way, he wrote the prenup and the ABTrust. He is not a lawyer and he made me really nervous but I didn’t dare question his ability. Can he be forced to sign the deeds as per the Trust agreement? I know I probably need to actually talk to one of you. I have an attorney but she is quite laid back unless my husband calls her to argue law with her! I have had panic attacks. I have fibromyalgia and depression and chronic fatigue. This isn’t helping me! Had he not been in my life I would have moved to Columbia SC to be near family. He said he couldn’t move there or his state retirement would be subject to tax. Not to mention he has done everything he could to separate me from my family to have more control. Yes, I have started therapy…
He took a trip to Florida right after the separation. Stayed with "dear, dear ,dear friend " who knows him “very,very,very,very well”. She is married but I know that her husband was not around a lot of the time. I had never met this dear friend and he hadn’t seen her in over 40 years. She apparently kept telling him that I am crazy. We were in a 30 day trial separation at the time, I have emails regarding her comments about me even though we have never met. (nor had I heard her name more than once in the ten years we were together. Married 5. No kids together thank goodness! If he wants to pursue alienation of affection or infidelity I believe I have more circumstantial evidence regarding this or criminal conversation than he does. I don’t want to drag her into this anymore than I want him to drag my friend into this. But I want to know if either of us has grounds. He is there again now. Should I hire a PI just in case? Will what he does now have as much credence now as it did then? We separated June 2,2010.
Thank you in advance for reading this and hopefully having some advise. Both our attorneys are in Watauga County. I live in Moore. Do you practice law here if it does involve court? I hope it won’t!


#2

The separation agreement itself, once it’s notarized and signed, is a contract. A breach of its terms is enforceable under contract law. Alternatively, when you file for divorce you can ask for your separation agreement to be incorporated into the divorce decree. At that time, it would be punishable by contempt if its terms are not followed. You can go either way with your agreement. It’s up to you.

Most Agreements are not incorporated, as they are valid and fully enforceable on their own. The agreement is enforceable as is, so long as it has been signed and notarized by both parties. The court does not need to have the SA at all. The Separation Agreement is binding as soon as it is signed and notarized by each party.

He can hire an attorney and try to have the prenup set aside, but I do not believe his suit will be successful, assuming the binding contract was notarized and witnessed. The property will be distributed in accordance with the terms of the prenup.

Regarding the PI issue: That is up to you. You can hire one if you want to. If he is seeking alimony (this will also depend on whether your prenup allows alimony and what if anything it says about adultery), you could use a PI to show evidence of an affair to block him from getting alimony. For the AofA and CC issues, you can go there if you want, but it’s very expensive and you need to ensure that the person you’re suing isn’t judgment-proof. If he files for AofA and/or CC against your person, then you can try to threaten to do the same against his alleged paramour to try to get him to drop the claim.

My firm doesn’t practice in Moore County or Watauga. I can provide you with referrals to attorneys in those counties if you wish.


#3

Thank you Chrystal.

It is actually trying to get my stbx to SIGN the SA. He wants the parts of the SA to be separate vs looking at it as a whole and having the parts integrated.
I spoke with my attorney today and we both think that he will continue to have issues with it and never sign an SA. (control)
I feel that I should be able to force him to sign my deeds since the Trust was set up with the understanding that we each could put property in and take it out and that it was revocable. It stated that each of us would sign whatever deeds were necessary to remove them from the trust and back into my name alone.(or his as the case may be) He refuses to sign.

Now he refuses to return my keys to the motor home I bought. He is driving the car for which I paid more than half and he hasn’t paid me for it. He has both sets of keys and even when he will be out of the country for 5 months he won’t let me drive “our” car.

After the year has passed can I force any of these contracts to be signed so that the divorce can be finalized? Can I take him to court to get the deeds signed now? (he was given the 30 day notice in writing required by the trust that I was revoking it) That was in July stating it would be revoked Aug 31th.

Our prenup waives any right to alimony and does not mention infidelity at all. Under those conditions is it worth pursuing infidelity charges (which will go nowhere) and how much does that typically cost?

What do you mean by judgement proof?

Thank you


#4

If your prenup was properly signed and executed, it is a valid and binding contract. He cannot just ignore it. Anything that he agreed to in that contract he will be bound to perform. You can sue him for breach of contract, where you would seek specific performance as your remedy (having him sign the deeds over, etc.). If your prenup waived alimony, then you don’t need to worry about adultery on either side really. Judgment-proof means a person that you cannot collect a judgment against. If you win a judgment, but the person cannot pay because they either don’t have the resources or their resources are covered under exemptions, then they are what’s called “judgment-proof.” That’s why it’s worth making sure that if you sue someone for AOA, CC, or anything else, they have assets you can actually touch if you win. Otherwise it’s a victory on principle only.