# Is it cheating? **URL:** \ **Category:** Divorce and Separation Answers\ **Created:** [March 23, 2005, 11:03am UTC](https://forum.rosen.com/t/is-it-cheating/1951 "2005-03-23T11:03:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![soccermom27021](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@soccermom27021](https://forum.rosen.com/u/soccermom27021)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 11:03am UTC](https://forum.rosen.com/t/is-it-cheating/1951/1 "2005-03-23T11:03:41Z")
Janet may have a different answer on this, but I asked my attorney about dating after separation and he told me that as long as whomever I choose to date can not be tied to me prior to the separation then it should not be a problem. Of course, my ex had his girlfriend WAY before our separation and still has her and now flaunts her around all over the place so I could really care less whether dating for me is a problem or not. ---
**Author:** ![shortydowop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@shortydowop](https://forum.rosen.com/u/shortydowop)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://forum.rosen.com/t/is-it-cheating/1951/2 "2005-03-23T21:01:40Z")
> quote: > * * * > _Originally posted by soccermom27021_ > Janet may have a different answer on this, but I asked my attorney about dating after separation and he told me that as long as whomever I choose to date can not be tied to me prior to the separation then it should not be a problem. Of course, my ex had his girlfriend WAY before our separation and still has her and now flaunts her around all over the place so I could really care less whether dating for me is a problem or not. > * * * Shortydowop ---
**Author:** ![shortydowop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@shortydowop](https://forum.rosen.com/u/shortydowop)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 9:10pm UTC](https://forum.rosen.com/t/is-it-cheating/1951/3 "2005-03-23T21:10:34Z")
Soccermom, I feel you on that!!! My ex is now living with the female that he cheated with and has been with her since the very day we separated-nobody had nor has anything to say about that, but now that I’ve gotten myself together and want to start seeing someone, a lot has been said and eyes are on me!!! WHY IS THIS!!! How does the man get to be free and able to date and go on with his life, but the woman can’t and if she does she’s being talked about and “it’s wrong”??? Shortydowop ---
**Author:** ![wantnewstart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9bcb4/32.png) [@wantnewstart](https://forum.rosen.com/u/wantnewstart)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 5:09am UTC](https://forum.rosen.com/t/is-it-cheating/1951/4 "2005-03-24T05:09:41Z")
He is tied to me in that we have been friens for a long time. We were talking for a few months before I separated about us and a relationship. My ex didnt have a girlfriend that I know of, but was definitely looking and on the internet as married but looking for a few years prior to our separation. I caught him in 2003 and he never stopped, just got sneakier but I caught him again. Then tried to “save” our marriage when he found out that I was talking to my friend, only to go right back to his usual self after swearing to change right after I made him move out!! I feel for all of you, its absolutely unbelievable how clueless and shallow they really are! Robin Nichols ---
**Author:** ![soccermom27021](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@soccermom27021](https://forum.rosen.com/u/soccermom27021)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 12:52pm UTC](https://forum.rosen.com/t/is-it-cheating/1951/5 "2005-03-24T12:52:25Z")
I hear ya Shorty! It’s amazing how the man can get his girlfriend before he ever even leaves the marriage and it’s OK, but let the woman start seeing someone afterwards and the sh\*\* hits the fan! It’s like my attorney said. The ex’s girlfriend lives in Pennsylvania. She spends more time here than she does up there and if she’s not here, he’s up there. You know good and well she ain’t staying in no Holiday Inn and vice versa.(I know this because my kids tell me when she’s here) But, if I let a man stay in my house for any length of time (which I don’t plan to do) then my claim for alimony is null and void. How fair is that? Is NC that antiquated in their law? ---
**Author:** ![JanetFritts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@JanetFritts](https://forum.rosen.com/u/JanetFritts)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2005, 11:15am UTC](https://forum.rosen.com/t/is-it-cheating/1951/6 "2005-04-01T11:15:35Z")
Dear wantnewstart, soccermom27021, and shortydowop: Greetings all. If you start to “date” someone, which we will describe as a non-sexual relationship, immediately after the date of separation (or close to the date of separation) that can be used to show that adultery was happening during the marriage (it creates a presumption). If you are dating someone well after the date of separation, then the issue becomes one of child custody and appropriate/moral behavior with the children. If you move the boyfriend/girlfriend in, then you will be cohabitating, which terminates alimony and also may cause further problems with custody. Now, if we use “dating” to refer to a sexual relationship, then be advised that adultery is a crime in North Carolina and just yesterday I heard of someone being charged with this crime and losing their job in another county in North Carolina. Thank you. Janet L. Fritts Attorney with Rosen Divorce 4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500 Raleigh, North Carolina 27607 919.787.6668 main phone 919.256.1665 direct fax 10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100 Charlotte, North Carolina 28262 704.644.2831 main voice 704.307.4595 main fax > **[North Carolina Divorce Law - Legal Answers and Info](https://www.rosen.com)** > > The best resource for divorce in NC. Find accurate, legal, family law advice from attorneys practicing in Raleigh, Durham, Cary, and Chapel Hill. The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. ---
**Author:** ![iamconfused](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/82dd89/32.png) [@iamconfused](https://forum.rosen.com/u/iamconfused)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 9:58am UTC](https://forum.rosen.com/t/is-it-cheating/1951/7 "2005-04-04T09:58:06Z")
Janet, please help me understand more about this topic. I left my husband because he has anger-management issus. My husband has been living in a separate residence for 6 months and we will be getting a divorce at year-end. A few weeks ago I met someone and we started dating. This is someone new - I have NEVER cheated on my husband prior to dating this man. I know my soon-to-be-ex can still sue him for Alienation of Affection, but what is the likelihood that the courts will uphold this law in my case? Is it true that if a spouse wants to sue that they have to (1) hire a lawyer to retain this type of case which can be VERY costly and hard to prove, and (2) that even if you are found guilty of “dating” that the jury then awards an amount that can be minimal if both parties are young and can find other mates? Is this something that goes to court or is held out of court? My husband refuses to sign a separation document where this verbiage can be put in. It is ridiculous to me that this state enforces a year rule while other states will let you get divorced in 2-3 months. ---
**Author:** ![JanetFritts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@JanetFritts](https://forum.rosen.com/u/JanetFritts)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 12:51pm UTC](https://forum.rosen.com/t/is-it-cheating/1951/8 "2005-04-04T12:51:33Z")
Dear iamconfused: Greetings. First, your ex cannot sue him for alienation of affection, as that is a claim that arises while you are still living in the marital home, but instead can sue him for criminal conversation (read on our website about the differences). Next, (1) no, he can try to sue your boyfriend on his own, but he would have to draft the complaint, etc. If he does hire an attorney, yes, it is usually a very expensive lawsuit to pursue. (2) Guilty is for crimes. If you mean liable, then it depends on the case, the parties, the damages, etc. I cannot answer this question because there are too many factors which we are not discussing here. I don’t understand your remaining question. Thank you. Janet L. Fritts Attorney with Rosen Divorce 4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500 Raleigh, North Carolina 27607 919.787.6668 main phone 919.256.1665 direct fax 10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100 Charlotte, North Carolina 28262 704.644.2831 main voice 704.307.4595 main fax > **[North Carolina Divorce Law - Legal Answers and Info](https://www.rosen.com)** > > The best resource for divorce in NC. Find accurate, legal, family law advice from attorneys practicing in Raleigh, Durham, Cary, and Chapel Hill. The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. ---
**Author:** ![wantnewstart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9bcb4/32.png) [@wantnewstart](https://forum.rosen.com/u/wantnewstart)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:37am UTC](https://forum.rosen.com/t/is-it-cheating/1951/9 "2005-03-22T10:37:58Z")
I am confused regarding seeing someone after being separated. I have been talking to a good friend since October, and separated In Jan. He has been a friend since I was 16, I’m now 30. He was a very small reason for me to want a divorce, but in no way the reason (of course my husband says I left him 4 another man). We have not had a physical relationship, but have seen eachother twice, with both our exes knowledge. We have talked about having a future, but I’m confused as to when that can be. I keep seeing things about having a relationship while separated as being cheating. I though that when you were separated you were free to live separately, and that includes meeting and dating other people. Please clarify, I dont want to jepordize my rights or my children! Robin Nichols