Is This Enough to Get a Restraining Order


My boyfriend’s divorce after 30 years of marriage has been final for 2 1/2 years. The property settlement dragged out for an additional two years. His ex refused to work and he divorced her for excessive spending. In the property settlement she got the house and part of the furniture; he was to get two exotic cars which she had hidden for four years and half the furniture. She was granted “alimony for life” and he has paid alimony as ordered by the court since the separation to the tune of $1,700 a month.

During their marriage his ex put a keylogger on his computer and got all of his passwords to his retirement accounts, etc. and actually had checks sent to their home which she then deposited in their joint account and spent. She admitted at the property settlement hearing that she had used spyware on his computer, but claimed she had quit spying after the divorce was final.

We discovered (too long to go into here) that she was in his email long after the divorce was finalized and actually was reading his emails with his attorney during the entire process…so she knew everything they planned to do. We know she was reading them right up until the summer at the very least.

When he received the cars back from her, she had cut hoses, left them out in the elements, created all kinds of damage to the cars (a Ferrari and a Rolls) including slicing the dashboard. The furniture he was to receive had been sat outside on a screened in porch for months so they were filled with rat feces, chewed up and the finished ruined. What items he did receive from her had missing parts (beautiful secretary and silver chest with no keys, etc.), china cups chipped, knife tips broken off, etc. The cars required nearly $6,000 worth of work to simply get them drivable. Their value was reduced because of her neglect by $30,000 from the value they had at the time of the separation.

My boyfriend would not sign the warranty deed to sign over the house to her until he had all of his stuff. Every time he went over, she would have a group of six or eight people from church there and she would cuss and berate him in front of them. Then she refused to let him in certain rooms to get things and would then get mad and kick him out. On the last visit she demanded he sign the warranty deed SHE had prepared and he refused saying he wouldn’t sign anything without his attorney okaying it. She slammed her body into him and said she wasn’t letting him leave until he signed it. She then blocked him from getting into his vehicle. She had an ex marine friend there from church who was wearing a holster and a gun. My boyfriend told her to move away and let him in the truck and her friend put his hand on his gun like he was going to take it out. My boyfriend told him he’d better be a good shot because if he didn’t kill him, my boyfriend would beat his ***. The guy left at that point, but my boyfriend’s ex then blocked the truck and wouldn’t let him leave. At that point he called his attorney and his attorney told him not to sign anything, but to call the police. She finally let him leave.

His attorney told him it would cost him more than it was worth to go back to court to try to get the nearly $5,000 worth of items she refused to return and to recoup the damage she did to the cars…so he let it ride.

He lost his job in June in a large company layoff and has been on unemployment since then. He has a year long non-compete and is 60 years old in this rough job market. He has found nothing. His unemployment doesn’t even cover his house payments…I live with him and pay the shortfall and the utilities, so he is unable to pay her any alimony. His attorney informed the court of the situation and there has been no order for him to pay her anything from his unemployment. This is a woman who only worked for 10 years when they were first married and hasn’t worked since…yet she has horrible spending patterns. Now there’s no money coming to her.

Within the past month, my boyfriend is receiving warnings from his bank that someone accessed his account from another IP address. We are concerned that she has again gotten access to his computer via spyware. We have anti-virus on it, but from what I read nothing is full proof and sometimes, he turns it off because it slows down the computer so much. I’m concerned he has forgotten to turn it back on before accessing some of his accounts. They were high school sweethearts and she knows all the answers to security questions, etc.

Now we have discovered her driving past the house on a regular basis, driving very slowly…nearly stopping. Today she was following him as he drove into town. We live an hour and a half from her and are in a very small town, so there’s no reason for her to be here.

He thinks she has a gun as she began putting targets with bullet holes on the fridge door before he left. In one box of clothes she returned and had packed up herself, he found an empty package that had contained bullets.

She has never threatened him out loud, but with thinking she has a gun and her recent behavior, we would like to get a restraining order or something to require her to stay away from here. I have lived with him for a year now and it makes me very afraid that she is coming by here. She calls me his slut bag whore even though he had been divorced for about a year before I even met him.

Do we have enough cause for a judge to give an order of protection? My boyfriend has paid nearly $30,000 to his attorney and still owes another $60,000 because she dragged everything out and fought over everything. He doesn’t want any more legal fees. From what I read, we can complete the forms ourselves, but I want to make sure this is enough to warrant the judge granting such an order.

Sorry for the length, but without a direct threat, I need to give some background.

Thanks so much.


To get a domestic violence restraining order your boyfriend must show that he is in fear of substantial and imminent bodily harm. The court need only find that his fear is real (a subjective standard) In my opinion the facts as you list them would justify a protective order.