Long Distance Separation


Blah! Relationships suck…Sometimes I think I would rather be ran over by a Mack truck. I read a book once which posed the question as to “why we keep engaging in relationships if we already know they are going to end?” In jest, the author suggested it was because we are either hopelessly incompetent or masochists. [:D]

Last fall wife and I were both in emotional and financial turmoil. We were thinking about relocating to Nebraska to be near wife’s mother/sister. The idea was they could help watch the kids while we worked on the relationship. My job was working from home for IBM, so that was covered.

In December, I accepted a job offer for a different company in NC, with the understanding from wife that she and the kids would move with me. This job was better then the previous in I was going to make more money and I did not have to work from home. Working from home put a real strain on the relationship. We put the house on the market.

In January, wife landed the bombshell she did not want to move with me. I arrived here, alone, on January 12th. Wife took the kids with her to Nebraska in March.

In April, I visited the kids for my oldest’s birthday. Until then, she had refused to go to counseling - either for herself of the marriage. I asked her for a divorce, and she said she was not ready to give up yet. She agreed for us to see a marriage counselor there. It is a husband / wife counseling office. She has visits with the wife while I work with the husband over the phone. I continue to see a therapist here locally for myself.

Wife cares for the two children (3 and 5). The oldest has special needs, and until she can get her special needs worked on, wife does not want to take on a job. So, I basically pay everything for two households.

Wife says there are times she misses me, but she does not want to go back to the way things were - and neither do I. She says she does not want to make a financial investment to move here if there is no emotional investment. However, it does not make sense to her to make the emotional investment if there is no financial means to come back together.

I made a commitment to the kids to visit them at least three times a year; on their birthdays in April and October and then once in December. However, wife has not made any attempts to visit me here.

I miss the things we used to do as friends, and with the distance it is restrictive to create new, happy memories. I miss the kids terribly, and supporting two households restricts my ability to visit them more regularly.