Meeting the Children


#1

is there something is his separation/divorce decree about exposing his child to other women? A year seems like a long time to me as well. I would ask him why he has set this time. Why not 6 months? Is this more to do with his feelings about being involved with you? I would think a 4 yr old would be pretty naive and easy going about this.


#2

He was never married so there is no separation / divorce decree. They share custody but there are no stipulations in the custody order. The child


#3

It sounds like there is more to this than meets the eye. My husband’s ex has been dating this guy for 3 yrs and it was over a year before he introduced her to even one of his children and they were both 18 at the time! We think this had to do with the fact that he had a bad divorce and his kids didn’t take it very well.
I don’t like reading that you are doing things for this child but your friend isn’t even telling her who the gifts come from! As if you are some sort of imaginary figure like the tooth fairy!!

I would have a real sit-down chat with him. He is in your childrens’ lives - turn about is fair play. I think the real story is as you suspect, it has more to do w/ his former relationship than with his child.


#4

I would have to agree with you. I think he is not over his old relationship and in a way uses the child to protect himself from getting hurt again. He had gone out on a few dates prior to us and told me that mostly the women would split after he told her about his one year rule. It’s almost as if that was what he wanted. Well like I said, I’ve known him for a few years so I know he is worth the hassle of waiting a year, I just didn’t think it would be a good idea to wait that long. Plus like you said, he is in my children’s lives and they adore him. My youngest son runs and hugs him everytime he comes into our home. They have played Chess together and he talks to my oldest son about helping him work on an older car if he buys one. I would just like to be given the same chance with his child. he stated that he did not want his daughter to become attached to someone and then they leave but I feel as if my children are already attached to him and he is to them. So what is the point of waiting so long now? I have said something to him about it a few times and he stills maintains his one year rule. I asked him want would he do if he was seeing someone for a year and then his daughter did not like them. He’s answer was that if they had made it a year and reached that point then it would be worth fighting for. You and I both know that it is very hard to make a relationship work when the children do not want the other person around.
Not to mention the fact that I just don’t to feel like I’m filling the void for him.


#5

I would have to agree with mal on this. My stepmother and father were married when I was 4 and I don’t have many memories of this time or before for that matter…and I have a very good memory so far.
It sounds like it’s more a protection against getting involved too deeply and/or changing the routine.
I was in a similar situation, though without children but had known my husband and his children for years prior to his divorce and us dating. It was still getting to know each other and the children. The relationship makes the difference. My husband told his children that what happened between us was not their business and that if something happened or did not happen it was our decision. He knew that I was not going to be horrible to them and anything other treatment is acceptable. Keep in mind that the child will eventually grow up and leave. The child is not the one you are intimate with and in the long run the relationship is not dependant on what a child thinks. It can be difficult to make a relationship work if the child doesn’t like the other person, sure, but children are easier to get along with than adults. My stepsons had their issues with me, but we realized after several months of being around me that they were letting their mother’s opinion of me decide their feelings. They are with us too much for that to work and have eventually figured out that they have to make their own judgement about how they will respond and feel towards me.
I would take a closer look at the relationship and trust your instincts.


#6

GOOD NEWS!!! Well life just seems to work itself out some-times. I received a call on Saturday from the man I


#7

Congratulations! I am sure this has allayed many of your fears and concerns as well as made the man you are dating see that it is ok for his daughter. Best wishes in this relationship!


#8

I’ve started dating someone I care very much about. We’ve known one another for years but not on a dating level. Although we know each other and are very comfortable around one another this is still new to us and we do not wish to rush anything. My question is this