Missing the Kids

I was told to come and ask about this question: what can I do to get my family back home?

My wife left in February with our three children. She got tired of my OCD and ADHD (which I was recently diagnosed). Because of it, she had problems with the way I was treating the kids and her. Those are my babies and I miss my wife and love her so much. I just want my family home. I do not know what type of details to put in here so if anything seems vague, please let me know.

She is in Mass. With family. I am in Wake Forest. I lost my long time job in 2011 and been struggling since. All the job searching I have done, I have only a teenage wage job at a place that humans are treated poorly with many restrictions and insults. I rather be flipping burgers than doing what I am doing (I am too “over qualified” and have tried applying to even them) because this place is not “technical” by any means and if I tell you the company name, you would be appalled and probably not want t by its products anymore, which does not matter to me, just protecting your “investment” into their products if you like them. I have no money to keep up with bills. School loans in default (one has a cosigner). I have no food. I may lose the place we rent. How can I even support them if they do come back?All I do is look for a real job and keeping trying to find ways to bring my family home.

This is why I have come here. Neither of us have money to fight each other in courts for the kids. She does not have a job but am sure her family would help her, base don what she tells them. I am not a bad father or husband, but I have made many verbal type mistakes to have helped (as she is partial to blame to) in this matter. I see a therapist and physiologist now. I am taking meds again and not going tog et off them this time (until I can not longer afford an extra $15). She always said she did not want in make this complicated between us. She says she is doing all this for the kids. Well, this kids miss their daddy. I miss them. I have no money to travel to Mass. Sick days even cause you to get pointed where I am so they have more reasons to fire people. I can barely afford gas each week. I want my kids back. She has not really said if she would come home to me or not, but at this point I rather her have her own place just so the kids are closer to me. I do not want to lose her too, but if she made up her mind, then nothing I can do about it. I just want to see my babies right now. Oldest turned eight yesterday. Youngest turned two last month. I missed both. Middle one turns five in September. I have not see them since early February.

I do not know what information I can get here to maybe help me out to see my kids without making a big fight out of all this, unless that is the only choice other than sitting here lonely and doing nothing but wonder. There has been nothing signed on some paper that everyone thinks is important, and to God I hope we never do. But, I am missing my kids and I have no way getting there 900 miles away while I am stuck at a teenage wage place.

If there is additional info you need, I will certainly provide it. I do not know anything about man-made legal stuff or laws or anything. I just want my family back and see my children.

Thank you.

You grabbed my heart and I cried for you and your family.
I have some advice and hope it helps…

The first step you took is the most important… getting help for YOU and some issues you choose to address and confront is most important.
Do you & your family attend church? Have you considered it? Men’s conferences are so rewarding and have valuable resources that Men need but don’t usually discuss in traditional support groups. You are not alone nor are you the first man that needs help, thank God your asking! Most don’t…

I’m not suggesting to become “religious” but to get spiritual and emotional healing in a non denominational church that offers Mens fellowship and builds on family values and marriage. Don’t expect to much to soon, but have an open heart and give God a chance . With God anything is possible… but do You believe that? If you don’t … then whats the point in having faith & hope?

Continue with your counseling, pray, read your bible, call/write to your children and on occasion send your wife a beautiful card/flowers and your thoughts to save your marriage, family and love for each other.
1 Corinthians 7: 10-16
Psalms is a great place to start, and the Gospels (The gospels will help you to know God)
Be blessed! (and hang on when it gets tuff!!)

Listen to KLOVE 104.1 (may b diff in your area)

Meanwhile shake off the depression and put a smile on (fake it till its real!) and look for that new job! You will find it. A determined man will seek God. Seek first the kingdom of heaven!

Thanks for your words. We have a church (Christian/Pentecostal) here but she says if she comes back, she will not allow the kids or herself to go in it. Claiming everyone is self centered (after attending it seven years). The church’s direction has changed over the years (and many people left because of it) and maybe what she is saying is true to her, but I not seen a problem. I have not been there recently because very tired from the work hours and lack of funds for gas.

I got KLOVE, yes.

All I do is pray, and cry. My kids miss me but they seem happy. One is too sad to talk to me, missing me so much. The middle just quickly says words and gos (so hyper) and then the baby. I am always, always calling. I get her voicemail more than anything. She told me months back if I wanted the kids home, she would come home. I have told her for a long while now, I need them home. I miss them. She refuses to leave there. She is too busy trying to do “her job” and make a few bucks to get a car while her family, and other people I do not know, are watching the kids.

I think all she is doing is stalling while I am suffering. I am trying to find a way to get them home, but at the same time now because of not having a real job, I can not afford to either. Six months without my precious babies and two years without a real job. Just a 14-16h/day teenage wage place that does not help me catch up on bills and I got threats from the bank for the car now.

Just a mess.

Again, thanks for your words.

A church that no one wants to go back to, or has a lot of people leaving is not a good example.
Find a church that offers pastoral counseling, encouragement, and support for men’s issues and lifts up others and does not condemn.

Don’t attend a church with Pharisees.

Try non-denomination… no politics.

Whatever you decide is up to you. I would suggest also trying to keep busy, don’t let depression overwhelm you.

Get a second part time job, there are many fast food, part stores, gas stations or restaurants that offer part time.
This first off is to keep you busy and moving forward, second is for additional income. Attend Mens bible study for support, and bind with another prayer partner,
someone who will pray with you, talk with you, go see a movie, have lunch ect…(another Christian Male)… also volunteer to stay busy to keep you balanced. Don’t let depression overwhelm you!! (I repeat that 1000 times!!)

A second part time job would not work, as I am already out of the house around 6-7a and not back until 11p-12a, until they change my schedule again. Along with that, because they are always changing schedules, and when they remove OT, having a second job is very difficult because they do not even let you change your shifts for school or daycare responsibility. I have seen people leave their second jobs because this one may pay them a buck more (which the minimum they pay is 9/h and the highest is 10) and people leave in favor of second jobs. Every few weeks they change your shifts. You have no say.

I just got told today she said it is over and does not want to be married. She plans to get to NC but it may be more months until I see my kids. Then, we will end up fighting over schedules and such like every other divorced parent. I have no idea what to do.