Now what

Things have made a turn. I met with the Rosen Life Transition Coach and realized that my wife never asked for a divorce. To me, all the things she was doing pointed toward that. However, when I asked her last night if she wanted one, she said she didn’t know.

This morning she told me that she wants to take things day by day. It all boils down to a lack of communication. She assumed I was having inappropriate relations with a friend, and in turn, she wanted to make me feel the pain she was feeling. There have been lots of prayers answered for this “crack in the door”. I know we’re not out of the woods yet, but I have gained a wealth of knowledge about the power of patience and communication. I have told the attorneys to stop the presses. I hope this may help someone.

I’m so glad that things seemed to be working themselves out and hopefully this all was just a big misunderstanding. Make sure to communicate daily about where you want this to go and what you want to happen. It could be that she thought she wanted to separate until it came down to it. That does happen.
Be careful though, during this time, that you do not set yourself up for a fall. There are a lot of issues that you put in these posts that can not be explained away with any excuse, so you will have to forgive each other.

Would “taking things day by day” exclude marriage counseling?
I have a friend who separated from his wife for 13 months and decided while sitting in the attorney’s office waiting to look over their final agreement, that they did not want to divorce. They reconciled, but it took a tremendous amount of humility, forgiveness, and determination to make it past all the ugly stuff from the separation…they went to marriage counseling and now have 3 children.

It appears you have set off a hot topic here. However, come back down to EARTH! 1) You have NO proof of adultery on her part. 2) She cannot kick you out of your house. 3) You are not separated.
4) You have only been married 2.5 years. 5) It appears your incomes are about equal. 6) How much marital property could you have accumulated in 2.5 years? 7) Can’t get through to a law firm? I’d try another!!! 8) If you do decide to divorce, do it yourselves! So much easier and less expensive! 9) You really do not owe her child by a previous marriage anything. (Sorry, if that sounds cruel.) 10) If you cannot live with her “premeditated/preplanned to commit adultery”, get rid of her. 2.5 years of your life isn’t all that much…not to make light of this fact that you spent this amount of time with her, but in the great scheme of things…
11) Figure out what is best for YOU…if it’s to get out, then get out and get out now! 12) Getting lawyers involved will take about all you both have 13) Make a decision that you can live with!
14) Sometimes it’s cheaper to keep her, but sometimes it’s “wealth, or your health”…DECIDE, DECIDE, DECIDE!

I do not think she got birth control to get your attention. You can bet she is cheating, and may possibly have second thoughts about it. If she wanted to get your attention only, she would not have put the effort into getting the birth control and wearing it. She may have found out that she can be forced out of the house due to adultry, and is not trying to hide it. Be careful. Hire a PI. I would not trust everything she tells you at this point. Good luck.

I think she could “prove her love for you” by singing a post nuptial agreement that if she ever wants out of the marriage or is unfaithful then she walks away with nothing but custody of her child/children from the previous marriage.

Sorry, but I have to agree with Nan and lost and stepmother.

buddy I hear ya man!! i went through the same thing. i found out for sure that she was screwing around and I went ballistic!!
Man to Man here is what you do- take it from one that has been there and got screwed being the nice guy.

Take some time NOW and get your head right in what you must do.

sit her down and talk to her about the problem. I am getting the feeling that you two don’t talk much about your issues.

DO NOT mention the word or notion of divorce.

Find out where she is in her head by taling to her. If you get that Hinky feeling after talking to her-

Start looking through your credit card statements or tell tale signs that she is screwing around. signs would be new sexy underwear, she all of a sudden takes interest in changing her appearance, losing weight etc. She begins working late(like playing WWC online all night), stops sleeping with you. any change in her character is a Red Flag my friend. If there is anything out of sorts confront her about it immediately.
If you think she is messing around and using the computer to do it install a program called Eblaster(spectorsoft). It costs a few bucks (like $99 bucks) but well worth it. Install it on your computer- if she has more than one computer that you PERSONALLY own (do not install this on computers you do not own)get license for the software and install it on all of them.

eblaster records and email you all activity to an anonymous email account you set up on google or yahoo, etc. she will never know what is going on. But it will allow you to monitor her online activities.

If all is well there and after you have sat her down to talk to her and nothing changes - BREAK the computer accidentally! spill a cup of coffee on it or something.

If that fails get her to agree to go to marriage counseling. If she refuses there is your sign. it’s over.

Now the hardest parts to come…It’s drama time…

Whatever you do DO NOT EVER LEAVE the house on your own(i mean do NOT go get your own place). DO NOT DO IT!! No Matter what she says she cannot make you leave your own house unless you hurt her or your kids.but you can make her miserable to the poiont of where she will leave the house. Do NOT let her take the kids. If she does- call the police immediately.

If she leaves you win!

If you get suckered and leave the house make SURE that you take the kids with you and ALL the stuff YOU WANT. GET IT NOW!!!

Take 50% of the money from all the bank accounts and go open accounts at another bank. Do not open accounts at the same bank.

GET a Lawyer immediately.

dude, I tried to hang on as long as I could(1 1/2 years). i played the nice guy, I forgave her for screwing around, etc. I lived in the fantasy world that I could fix the marriage whatever was wrong with it. i got screwed.

TRUST WHAT I SAY. the courts are not geared towards fair play towards men in NC and you will get screwed out of your stuff, your kids, and your income if you don’t take steps immediately. DO NOT fall for the crocodile tears that you will see from her. She will begin talking to her friends and you will get screwed if you don’t take immediate action.

Above all TRY to keep the marriage together as long as you can. If you can work it out then all the better. But be advised, once she gets started she won’t stop.

I know it sounds mean and all and life will be hell for about 2 years during all this- but you have to preserve yourself for your kids at all costs- they will need you most and will be of no use to them if you are devastated and weak. Get STRONG NOW.

My wife of 2.5 years has recently asked for a divorce. Since July of last year, she has been playing the online interactive game (World of Warcraft) for at least 8hrs a night 7 days a week. I have been desperate to try to win back her affections. However, this afternoon she went to the doctor and obtained birth control “in the event she needs it”. I got snipped 2 years ago when we were dating. Knowing that she is “preparing for action” is ripping me inside out. I have never cheated on her. Her son from her first marriage lives with us. I have to young kids that my ex and I have joint legal/physical custody. Do I have a case for premeditated adultery? We are still in the same house and neither of us has seen an attorney to draft a separation agreement. Furthermore, neither one of us can afford to make the mortgage payment by ourselves. With the pending recession, what the heck can/should I do? I know it sounds like a Jerry Springer show, but this is very real.