buddy I hear ya man!! i went through the same thing. i found out for sure that she was screwing around and I went ballistic!!
Man to Man here is what you do- take it from one that has been there and got screwed being the nice guy.
Take some time NOW and get your head right in what you must do.
sit her down and talk to her about the problem. I am getting the feeling that you two don’t talk much about your issues.
DO NOT mention the word or notion of divorce.
Find out where she is in her head by taling to her. If you get that Hinky feeling after talking to her-
Start looking through your credit card statements or tell tale signs that she is screwing around. signs would be new sexy underwear, she all of a sudden takes interest in changing her appearance, losing weight etc. She begins working late(like playing WWC online all night), stops sleeping with you. any change in her character is a Red Flag my friend. If there is anything out of sorts confront her about it immediately.
If you think she is messing around and using the computer to do it install a program called Eblaster(spectorsoft). It costs a few bucks (like $99 bucks) but well worth it. Install it on your computer- if she has more than one computer that you PERSONALLY own (do not install this on computers you do not own)get license for the software and install it on all of them.
eblaster records and email you all activity to an anonymous email account you set up on google or yahoo, etc. she will never know what is going on. But it will allow you to monitor her online activities.
If all is well there and after you have sat her down to talk to her and nothing changes - BREAK the computer accidentally! spill a cup of coffee on it or something.
If that fails get her to agree to go to marriage counseling. If she refuses there is your sign. it’s over.
Now the hardest parts to come…It’s drama time…
Whatever you do DO NOT EVER LEAVE the house on your own(i mean do NOT go get your own place). DO NOT DO IT!! No Matter what she says she cannot make you leave your own house unless you hurt her or your kids.but you can make her miserable to the poiont of where she will leave the house. Do NOT let her take the kids. If she does- call the police immediately.
If she leaves you win!
If you get suckered and leave the house make SURE that you take the kids with you and ALL the stuff YOU WANT. GET IT NOW!!!
Take 50% of the money from all the bank accounts and go open accounts at another bank. Do not open accounts at the same bank.
GET a Lawyer immediately.
dude, I tried to hang on as long as I could(1 1/2 years). i played the nice guy, I forgave her for screwing around, etc. I lived in the fantasy world that I could fix the marriage whatever was wrong with it. i got screwed.
TRUST WHAT I SAY. the courts are not geared towards fair play towards men in NC and you will get screwed out of your stuff, your kids, and your income if you don’t take steps immediately. DO NOT fall for the crocodile tears that you will see from her. She will begin talking to her friends and you will get screwed if you don’t take immediate action.
Above all TRY to keep the marriage together as long as you can. If you can work it out then all the better. But be advised, once she gets started she won’t stop.
I know it sounds mean and all and life will be hell for about 2 years during all this- but you have to preserve yourself for your kids at all costs- they will need you most and will be of no use to them if you are devastated and weak. Get STRONG NOW.