Questions about Divorce

My wife threw me out of the house on December 1 ,2011. She accused me of cheating on her after finding me talking to a coworker on Facebook. We were married for 5 years, and have 3 small children twin boys 13 months old and a three yr old girl.
Background: When my wife and I were engaged she told me she wanted to move to her decedent grandmother’s home which her mother wanted to sell us for a nominal 25,000 dollars. I agreed and moved to Bladen county about 8 months before we were married, started paying her Mother 416 dollars a month for a period of 5 yrs. As soon as I moved there the plan was for me to remodel the home which I began immediately. Over the 6 year span I completely redid 6 of the 8 rooms in the home from the hardwood flooring to rewiring and sheetrock etc complete remodel, windows, insulation crown molding paint. Through the 5 years my wife and I got into violent arguments regularly, especially after we had children. These fights ended in her striking me with a closed fist or open hand in the face or head on at least 4 occasions. I did not notify police and I did not lift a hand to her ( I pushed her away once). This generally ended in me staying in a hotel for a night and returning. A few weeks before I was thrown out she hit me one last time and I left for a night. She threw me out that morning from home, her step father changed the locks. I stayed in a hotel and secured a place to rent after discussing things with her over the phone, telling her I wanted to work it out. She said she couldnt trust me. etc. I rented a small home close to them so I could see the kids. Not long after I started going over to see the children and gather some things, I paid 600 dollars a month child support, and an additional 350 a month for their health insurance including the wife. I told her initially I didnt want to split anything up, for her to keep all the furniture, I didnt want to hire a lawyer I would pay for her health insurance until we were divorced. So I have honored my promises and continue to get a child or two at a time once a week for overnights but I have no furniture and I have no extra money to set up a proper home for them and my wife continues to threaten me with lawyers and that I will have to take all 3 children for a week or two at a time. Im an RN and I work night shift 12 hour shifts. There is no way I could get them to daycare and pick them up on my work days which are also not self scheduled but determined by my mgr. She is a physical therapist and makes at least 20-30k more than I do a year. She works home health and is able to schedule her visits 5 days a week. She is surrounded literally by family inc her mother that assist daily with the children. I have no support system here in this town where we live. I want to see my kids as often as I can but as the 2 boys are 1 yr old and they require alot more than I can offer them for extended visits. My little girl is different, All three at once with my schedule is not doable at their ages. Lastly I did not have an affair with a coworker, I was home with my wife every time I was not working unless she hit me and I left to stay in a hotel.

Questions are: With a verbal agreement b/w her mom and the two of us for the home for 25,000 do I have a steak in the home or what I paid for it over the 5 years before I was removed from the home?
Do I have a right to make her pay for the improvements I did to the home or a share of it
Can she make me take all three children for extended periods of time, interfering with my schedule for work and ability to provide.
Do I have grounds against her for physical violence against me?

Thanks in advance.

  1. You need to get a lawyer asap because you are getting screwed
  2. Yes, half of everything that is marital is yours and that includes the house
  3. You are the dependent spouse so she owes you alimony unless you actually did have an affair in which case you may get post separation support but no alimony.
  4. 3 week child visitation – She can’t make you – you really need to see an attorney and get a custody schedule arranged
  5. Abuse – Maybe but since you never filed a police report you will need some other kind of hard evidence.

I understand your attempt to be amicable and all that but unless you get everything in writing and notarized she can pretty much do what she wants. You need to start looking out for yourself.