Repeated Custody Violation

#1

I need advice. To be honest…I’m lost. I truly feel helpless and completely let down by the legal system, and although I’m ready to give up I refuse to do so because my children are my life and I will never throw in the white flag.

My ex husband and I were married for 10 years and in that time I gave birth to two handsome little boys, now ages 6 and 8. Their father is the true definition of a narcissist. He was very controlling and extremely abusive in every aspect of that word. He had affair after affair and I took out multiple assault charges as well as a Domestic Violence Protection Order against him at the time of our separation 2 years ago. In the time since we parted ways he has made multiple false allegations against me, even lying to the court and having me incarcerated in order to gain emergency custody of my boys. His narcissistic tendencies continue to shine on a daily basis and I am at a loss.

All of my court proceedings are finished and all charges against me were dismissed. I have no criminal record and there are no substantial findings to hold weight as to why I cannot have custody of my children. During the time of his temporary custody he always found reasons not to allow me visitation on the days ordered by the court and repeated violated his court order. Now I have been granted overnight visitation every other weekend, and this being the second weekend I am supposed to see my children, his control is looming over me again as I received a text message last night saying that he will not be allowing me visitation of my kids this weekend due to hearsay that I did not comply with the rules laid out at my last visitation with them.

Please understand that when I say his narcissism is still going strong in my life right now, I must explain that his control goes much further than myself. He has made it to where I can only have supervised visitation under the supervision of my parents at their home and cannot leave their house with my kids for any reason unless accompanied by my parents. My boyfriend of one year has been made to have no contact with my sons “for their safety” which is total bull because he is a better father figure than their daddy ever thought about being. I have no control over my life whatsoever anymore and this man has been out of my life for two years now. I don’t know what to do, but I feel like I am losing my mind along with all control of my life and my children. I am a good mother. I have a job along with being a full time student at an accredited university on a path to obtaining my bachelor’s degree in health service management. I do not abuse drugs nor do I engage in the consumption of alcohol.

I live in constant fear and worry every day of what my children are being subjected to by living with their father. He is a convicted felon with a history of being extremely abusive to me and doing so in front of his children. They recently voiced concern that their daddys girlfriend is whooping them with belts and paint sticks, and I have reached out to every possible resource for help, resources that are mandated by the state to take action on my children’s behalf. NOBODY is helping me. I’ve sent local law enforcement to do welfare checks just to make sure my boys are safe and that’s the only thing that I have managed to be successful at doing. If I try to do anything on my own, the legal way, I am constantly let down and my ex husband turns it around and uses it against me. How he has managed everything that he has done is beyond me, but I need help. Please, any advice is better than what I’m being given right now. I am at a loss and desperate to seek assistance. I don’t want to miss out on any more of my children’s lives. They were miracles sent to me by God, my oldest being conceived a month before a scheduled hysterectomy and my second alive when all odds were stacked against him. I cant conceive again, my body had to give in after my second son and at 32 years old I have had to have that aforementioned surgery after a long battle with Endometriosis. These babies are my life, my heart and my motivation for being strong in spite of the odds. Please, someone be the one that finally reaches out a helping had with the advice I need to see a change. I am tired, I am weak and I am still fighting as hard as I can because I will never give up for the sake of my children.

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#2

The father cannot deny you a court ordered visit with the children unless the court order gives him the authority to do so. Otherwise, he was in violation of the order and you could file a contempt motion (called a motion and order to appear and show cause) if you did not receive the visit as the court order stated.

If there is a suspected abuse or neglect situation at the father’s house, you can make a report to your county’s CPS (child protective services) office. But note that spanking children, when it does not leave marks, is not abuse or neglect because a parent has the right to parent and discipline their children as they see fit.

You can file a motion to modify the child custody action once there has been a substantial change in circumstances affecting the wellbeing of the minor children.

A parenting coordinator may be helpful in your case or co-parenting therapy if the father would agree to attend.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

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#3

Thank you for responding. I have begun the process of filing the motion for show cause. When it comes to neglect or abuse it is not my children’s father but his girlfriend spanking them…excessively. My 6 year old son has had multiple ER visits resulting in staples, stitches and broken bones with no for sure explanation of how they came about. Also, she is able to sign her name to important documentation regarding my kids with their school, doctors dentists, etc. Which does not seem like it is right either unless I am misguided in some way. Am I wrong in my understanding of the legal system because like I said in my former post, I feel let down in many ways and desperately seeking to figure this out. I have NOT signed away any rights to my kids he currently somehow has primary custody, but this seems like a pretty cut and dry situation and I don’t see what is so hard about being adults andcoparenting. Talking and resolving something with ism is not an option he is too spiteful and caught up in himself to even think about what is best for my kids at this point. He seeks attention and it seems as if his sole purpose in life at this time is to make me miserable and defeated. Please. Any further advice is appreciated. Thank you.

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#4

You can still make a CPS report on the girlfriend if you suspect abuse or neglect from her since she is caretaker of the children (assuming she lives with the father).

Your name should continue to be on school and medical records for the children especially if you have joint legal custody, even if the court order only states temporary joint legal custody. If so, you can take copies of the court order to the schools and doctors’ offices to have them update their records and begin to include you.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

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#5

What if it was recently brought to my attention that my exhusbands girlfriend is not only signing documents dealing directly with the care of my children (ie. school forms, hospital visits, doctors appts, surgical procedures etc) but is doing so giving others the impression that she is their biological mother? Ironically her first name is the same as my middle name, and her last name starts with the letter “M” same as my own, so she is signing documentation with initials and making it appear as if she was me. It seems as if it would be impersonation or forgery of some sort but I am not sure how to approach the situation legally.

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#6

You should address this with your children’s schools and doctors’ offices. Perhaps they can ask for identification before allowing an adult to authorize any permission. The doctors office should not be taking direction from anyone besides a parent, especially if you can produce a court order that states how major decisions (like healthcare) is to be decided on and that it is between Mom and Dad.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

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