Separated?, adultery?, what should I do...?


In June, 2009, I lost my house this year do to losing my job. In light of knowing what was to happen, my wife and I agreed that we would separate to get assistance from local government, our marriage wasn’t prefect either so we figured it might help even. I moved in with my mother, at the same time staying at her place overnight, time to time. We still had a sexual relationship and I thought things were going OK.She moved into an apt with the kids. I was under the impression we were working things out. I helped with bills, I took the kids to school, I even slept there. She ended up moving to another apt., where there same thing happened. We were supposed to be working on our relationship. We never filed for legal separation, it was never my intention to lose my marriage.

I found out through my children that another man was staying the night at our house. And that she had been staying at his house as well. I confronted my wife about this and she said it was nothing. On Dec, 9th I found this man at her apt., he had slept there again overnight. I called from a payphone on the corner and told her to get him our of the apt. I then went to the apt., to ask her what was going on. We ended up fighting, no physical aduse, I called the police to know my rights. They told me that if I couldn’t prove I lived there I had to leave. She put me in jail for Domectic Trespass. I lost my job that I found due to not calling in that day I was released. She took a restraining order out on me, that was later droped by her. She is wanting me to sign sepratation papers and back date them to June. I have no proof that I was living there other then people who knew me and had come there to drop things off ect… I also had called this guy she is with along before this time, telling him she was a married and to leave us alone.

Since I had no proof of anything that was going on, I decided to record a few phone conversations between us. These conversations are not in all my glory but she admited to sleeping with him and admitted that I wasn’t abusive. Not sure how that will hold up. She also admitted to being with someone else 2 years ago, but not sure what an attorney could do with the wording, since I only asked, “That guy you were with 2 years ago.” And she answered yes. This current person she clearly says, “I waiting till we were seprated to sleep with him.” There has never been a legal sepration filed.

What should I do? Does she have the right to sleep with him, without legal sepratation? I’m worried about losing my children. Will the recorded conversations help?

Really I need to know what to do. I talk to an attorney next Thursday, but I need some answers now.



Your wife has likely committed adultery, which though it hasn’t been prosecuted in many years, is still a crime. Practically speaking her adultery can bar her from seeking alimony from you if you are a supporting spouse.

Her admission will be admissible in court, and it will be up to the judge to determine the weight of the evidence.