Should I accept this deal?

Ok, not sure if I bought myself some time, or he’s not conniving behind my back to get his own lawyer, but here is what the offer is:

I get sole custody. He will get visitation every other weekend, trade off holidays, and a month during the summer.

I get everything in the house.

I get our timeshare.

We use $7,000 in cds to get me a car.

We sell our house. He pays off the truck. I use mine to pay off my car (if necessary)

The last of the credit card debt is paid off with the bank account.

He gives me $500/month child support for the 2 girls (ages 1 and 2). He said this can be adjusted later as necessary.

He keeps everyone on his medical insurance.

He makes roughly $100,000 a year. I need to get a job.

He will help me find a place to buy. Not sure how that works if we are not officially divorced though.

I know he is not a lawyer, and looking out to protect himself. However, I am terrified of losing my girls (meaning he has joint custody or more visitation that stated above). I think getting that in writing now would be harder for him to fight to change later.

As far as money - I think the child support is low, and that I deserve alimony. However, if I get lawyers involved, I fear that 1) they will tell us each what we want to hear and cause us to go all the way to court, and then 2) we will waste more in lawyer fees because he will be stupid enough to fight, and 3) that puts custody back on the table and I have no guarantee a judge would not award him more. Also, he would not help me get a car or pay off the debt, and then I’d have that to deal with on top of having to get a job and a place to live. It’s easy for a lawyer to say he can’t abandon me, etc, but he could make it VERY difficult for me being that everything is in my name. I feel like I’m faced with gambling my kids & possibly more money, or taking less now and walking away with my kids and still being able to have his help.

Having talked to 2 attorneys now, I am not convinced that that is such a terrible deal (for me). Is it good for him? Of course. Do I think he’s an ass? Yes. But unfortunately he’s going to be part of my life for a very long time, and I would rather have him on my side than against me.

Please tell me your opinions. I am in a bad place right now.

no do not accept the deal get a lawyer.

Just running the numbers you gave through the child support calculator showed the follwoign given 2 kids, his income 100000 your income 24000 (assuming you can get a job paying that much) Him paying child insurance of 120 per month (I am guessing here you could check with his HR to find out what it costs for him to keep the kids on the insurance) with him having the kids every other weekend he should be paying 1142.82 per month

The kids are 1 and 2 over the next 17 years that’s a differance of $131,135.28 Plus you need to put into the agreement if you and him are going to help with college or not.

and thats just child support not even covering alimony (which personally I disagree with but thats another matter)

Get a lawyer NOW do not pass go do not SIGN ANYTHING!!!


Dear crabapplepie:

Greetings. No, you were not wrong to say that you wanted an attorney to look over it. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

As soon as I said I wanted us to agree to the separation agreement and have a lawyer look it over, he got pissed! I said he was more than welcome to have his own lawyer look it over also, but he said if he was going to waste money on a lawyer, he was going for broke and fighting for custody (my biggest concern). Was I wrong to say that? Here, in a nutshell, was his offer:

I stay in the state (rather than leaving the state to be near my family) and he gives me sole custody, having only visitation.

He gives me everything in the house (which isn’t much, and neither of us wants it)

We sell the current house (which we are doing anyway). He estimates making $30,000 in profit. He uses his 1/2 of the profit to pay off his truck (which is new and in my name)

We take $7,000 in cds and get me a car. If I get one that costs more, I use my half of the profit to pay it off.

He will help me find a place to live, get insurance, etc. I’m not incapable of doing those things myself, but he can get better deals.

I assume he pays a set amount of child support. No mention of that.

No alimony. I get a job (I’ve been a sahm for 2.5 years).

He pays off the last of the credit card debt (also in my name).

He knows I COULD get alimony, and when I said I thought I should get some, he got pissed. Started changing his story, saying that he’d been telling me to get a job and I didn’t, that his lawyers will argue I wasn’t much of a housekeeper, that he won’t help me with ANYTHING, that he’ll fight me for custody, etc. I am scared. I feel like he’s bullying me into accepting whatever he wants, but the lawyers I’ve talked to said I’m entitled to more. Was I wrong to say I wanted a lawyer to look at it? Should I have taken the deal because I want my kids so bad? I’m afraid it doesn’t matter now, he is royally pissed and I tried talking to him and he just cut me off. Help!