Being on the phone with all your friends and holding secret conversations with your private jokes outside of parental supervision is typical teen behavior and she’s entering that phase.
If the mother and sister decide to talk ill about you with the child, there really isn’t much you can do. If the child doesn’t treat you badly or disrespect you, and if you don’t feel that her conversations are harmful to her (i.e. sexual predators, engaging in dangerous behavior, etc) then let it go. It’s not a battle to fight at this point. Spying on her will only reinforce anything negative that her mother/sister MIGHT be saying about you.
Unless the girl is reacting to negative information, why should you care what her mother thinks/says? If the child is treating you ill, however, your husband should address that issue on its own and needs to without resorting to invading her privacy.
Keep in mind a couple of things about this. 1.) She may be aware that you have seen her messages and doesn’t like the invasion of privacy. 2.) She is becoming the age where privacy becomes much more important, so she may just naturally be deleting her text msgs because she doesn’t want anyone in on her “secret conversations”. 3.) Text messages take up space and with the amount of texting you are describing, she’s most likely having to delete a fair amount on a regular basis anyhow just to make room for any incoming messages.
Keep the lines of communication open and keep your eyes open for any bad/dangerous situations. Invading her privacy too soon and without good cause could break any trust she might develop in you.
I agree with Athos. I wouldn’t make a big deal about this unless it is bothering your husband or unless he is the one who provides and pays for cell phone. My stepson (11) has a cell phone we have provided for him. He has unlimited texting but we have given him clear guidelines about when he is permitted to text and when not. Not allowed at dinner table, church, school, etc or we will take it away from him.
If mom is providing cell phone then you cannot take away. Remember when you were a kid and you called your girlfriends after school and talked for hours? Wrote notes and passed them at your locker? This is what she probably doing most of them time.
Okay I would really like some other opinions on this matter. My stepdaughter is 12 and when she comes over she brings her cell phone. The entire time she is here she is text messaging and giggling and running into the other room to call people. She deletes all the text messages off her phone and I find this very disturbing. Maybe it’s just an issue for me because I have seen her messages from time to time and a lot of them are from her mother (who enjoys nothing more than talking about me) and her sister (same mother different father). I have discussed it with my husband and doesn’t say much or know what to do. I feel as though her father should have the right to either tell her not to delete her text messages especially since she is 12 and he has the right to know who she is talking to and what she is talking about OR tell her not to bring the phone with her. Any opinions are appreciated. Thanks