The verbally abusive father of my children and equally verbally abusive as well as sexually abusive husband has been given tpa of our two boys, 12 and 8, because he is a narcisist and a pathological liar. I have a brand new, challenging job and have been commuting 1 hour both ways for the last year. He claimed he had been acting as the mother - cooking, cleaning, shopping, nurturing - which is completely untrue. I have been doing it all from 4:00am to 10:00pm every weekday and getting it all done nicely. He hired a babysitter to help out 4+ hours a day. I’m not really sure what he actually did all day (except sit on the couch to watch TV and surf the net) because I prepped dinner and made lunches at 4:00am and then, when I got home around 7:00pm cleaned up the kitchen, folded and put away laundry, straightened up the house and dealt with school stuff. I prepared the children for bed and read their bedtime stories. Then, before being allowed to go to sleep at night, I was required to submit to his sexual perversions. On the weekends, I hit Target, Home Depot and the grocery store and helped the children with their school projects.
My husband became so abusive toward the end that I was forced to move back to my hometown in Forsyth County, where I work and where we still own a home (yard); we were renting in the Charlotte area (no yard). The boys and I were once again close to our friends and family and very happy. We had only been in the Charlotte area for 10 1/2 months and it was miserable for everyone. They don’t want to go back and I don’t blame them.
So, now that he has succeeded in making me look like an absentee parent, thanks to Mecklenberg’s one hour per side policy in the tpa hearing which prevented my attorney from cross-examining his lies and deceits, I want to know what my rights are. It is obvious that he will be relying more heavily on the babysitter (who testified for him so that she could keep her job.) He has had his brother-in-law, who has a wife and kids in Michigan, (not sure how long he is planning on staying) living with him for the last several months. My boys tell me that when they have visited their father, the B-I-L cooks meals and does the laundry. They also said that when daddy prepares dinner it is either chicken nuggets or take out. I have always done all of the cooking/cleaning/hunting/gathering t/o our entire marriage and he has never even purchased a single Christmas or birthday present - quite frankly, I did it all.
I am mystified how the judge, in good conscience, missed all of this information - I diligently put it all into writing and gave it to him for his review - clearly he never opened the notebook. If our children were living with me, I would have no need for any assistance from a residential caregiver and certainly would not require a sitter 4+ hours a day. When the actual shared parenting agreement is finalized, do I have the right to insist that no one else resides with my ex and the children so that he can attempt to do what he said he did and FAIL, like I know he will? Do I have the right to require my ex to consult me regarding who is hired to babysit our children? (There is no way I would let him keep her on the payroll.) What hope do I have in gaining permanent custody at this point? Anyone know a GOOD lawyer in the Char-Meck area?

If you have already had your TPA hearing, then you still have to do a court-ordered mediation. If mediation fails, your case will then be calendared for a permanent custody hearing. In the meantime, you have to abide by whatever your TPA says. You will not be able to tell him who can live in his house, or who can babysit the kids unless you can prove to the judge that the person in question is a danger to the kids. There must be a threat. As for your odds of obtaining permanent custody, I cannot speculate on that. That will be up to the judge. You will have the same judge for the custody trial that you had for your TPA hearing. As far as attorneys are concerned, we do have attorneys at Rosen who are based out of Charlotte. You may contact our firm to schedule a consultation with one of them.