What happens to inheritance, dating, and trespassing

Background and then questions:
My husband abandoned the family over a year and a half ago. We were barely able to pay for the bills because of his lavish spending all the time. He is self-employed and I am retired from teaching. He was always buying expensive toys without saying anything to me. He spent $52,000 dollars on his truck which cost him over $700.00 dollars a month in payments. Then he a bought a pair of new sea-doos a year later without telling me. He is very demanding and worries about being in charge. I called the law on him one time when he pushed me half way down the hallway. We have a 15 year old son an a 24 year old daughter. They neither one could do no wrong in his eyes. We have gotten in the biggest arguments over them. He basically had told them that they did not have to listen to me. This in its self has brought much arguing in the household. Then as our daughter got older, I told him that she needed help and I felt that she was getting into trouble. He would always say I don’t want to hear it. Then one day about a week before she did I warned him again and he said she knew what she was doing. Well I made him go get her from jail and then I stayed up late at night going over her case and helped to find a loophole in it and the second lawyer used it and basically got her out of it. It still was a lot of work and she had to go through a lot during the process but she learned some things too. I did not want her to have this over her head for the rest of her life. I made sure she understood what she did and how lucky she was. Well for the most part, now instead of going out 7 nights a week with friends, she now goes out maybe 2 nights a week. She is a CNA, and a Massage Therapist, and is writing several books. To be honest Rick has never treated me as a wife . He treated me like the child. I showed him a picture on Megan’s MY Space that I felt was not appropriate and told him to tell her to take it off. I said people might take it wrong and to my disbelief he did. From then on he treated her like dirt. He pushed her into her room one day when he walked by her in the hallway and called her a bad name. She called me and I came home and tried to talk to him. He raged at me. They don’t talk today. Well about a month after that he got up one morning and said I am leaving . I could not believe it. He has threatened me several times. He has gone to his mothers to stay before but this time he left. The daughter that he loved with all his heart and treated like a princess growing up he no longer speaks to. He only speaks to our son. He told me that he wanted to throw her out of the house and I would not do it,and he said that I was going to put him in jail for pushing her. He leaves me behind with lots of bills . Our housepayment is $1800.00 and the equity line is $45,000 which intererst is all I can pay. He is suppose to pay that, but right now hardly any construction work is out there for him. This is the first time he has not been able to find work. Some credit cards and other bills are owed too. He pays $600.00 to rent a small place on the lake. He had to sale the sea-doos this summer before they were taken from him. We do own some rental property and I keep the money from that to go towards the house payment. That is $1200 a month. I also have to pay for insurance on the building because he no longer can do it. I substitute everyday as a substitute teacher. I have no choice. I am struggling. We still owe almost $300,000 on the house and $45,000 on a separate equatity line. The house has also been refinanced several times and credit lines were added onto it.

Question: 1 He has not talked about a divorce lately and one time when he was over here said I had to do what he said if he came back. I told him no that the Bible said that we were to work together and that I had choices too. He got furious and left. To be honest we can’t afford to get a divorce. Years ago he would tell me he was going to leave me and take half of my retirement which I know the devil could and does not deserve. He has run through with so much while I have pinched to make ends meet. I hate to ask this but I must think ahead and have lived in such a mess for so long that I hate to think that I have put up with him and lose a chance to get some of the debt payed off. His mom is in her 70’s. She has some type of heart problem that they can’t operate on. At first they gave her a year to live and now I think they haven’t said a time frame. It has been over a year. Her will states that everything is to be divided between the 4 boys. She has probably 4 rental houses and then her house and maybe 2 or 3 lots. She did have lots of money, but her baby boy which is in his 40’s does not work and she basicly keeps him up. There will be some money but not as much as it could be. Now if we are still not divorced when she passes away can I make him split what he gets from his moms inheritance? I want most of it to go on debts and then maybe I can divorce him, if only he would not try and take half of my retirement that he did not work for. That poses a problem and would stop me from divorcing.

Question: 2 This is the big one! I have been furious but knew in my heart that this was probably going on and just a matter of time before I would find out. Two weeks ago my daughter’s friend went with a group of friends out to a bar out of town. Our daughter was suppose to be there, but she had to work on Sunday and decided not to go. When the girl sit down she said that looks like Megans daddy and it was. Then she said that is not her mother. This lady has blonde hair. His table was beside of hers. It was only 9:00 and he turned around and looked straight at her. He opened his billfold up, threw down money on the table and ran out the door without the woman. The woman looked around and he never came back. Suddenly her phone rang and she walked out. I guess he thought Megan may walk in any minute and he was caught. He was an hour away from home. I did let his brother know about this and he confronted him and he admitted he was caught. I know he has the right to take her out if that is all he is doing, but I would not believe that for one minute. I know his needs. I told him several months ago that he was seeing someone and of course he said no. It may have been the same person. If he was seeing someone before October 1st and they were doing more than fishing and I could prove it, is there anything I could do? If I can prove he is having sex with this lady can I do anything about it? I have morales and when I married him I had no idea he was so disfunctional. He hid it well. He has made a laughing stock out of me and my daughter. Can he get into trouble if I prove that he is having sex with her?

Question: 3 At first when he left he was coming over and letting himself in and watching tv when we got back home. Then that stopped. Probably this fall I had the alarm on and when I got home it was off and I knew he had been there. I called and he said he had. I noticed from other questions that he can not do that. He has come over and used his key in the mornings and come on in while we are getting ready for work and school. He built the house and I knew if I changed the locks that he would break the door down if he needed in. Lately in the past two months he has stood at the door and won’ t come in or he will blow his horn or call our son to come out. I told his brother after this date night he had that I did not want him around before or after Christmas. My son called him on Wednesday and ask him about the extra truck that he had to see if he was still going to get it for his birthday. He said he was going to bring it over for Christmas. I told my son that I don’t want him here. Now he is mad at me. Rick didn’t tell me. I told my son that I would call the police if he came in the drive. What can I do? I told him to have him take it to his grandmothers or drop it off at the bottom of our drive. What a mess!!

Your husband’s potential inheritance is his separate property and is not martial in nature. It will be his and his alone whether or not you are divorced when he receives it.

With respect to his possible affair, you can sue the other woman if you can prove he was dating her prior to his leaving the martial home, or if you can prove they have had sex.

You are correct about your husband not being able to enter the home. Change the locks, and if he does try to break in call 911.

question 1.On the inheritance issue, he has us in debt to our eyeballs. He has always bought himself the best of everything while I have done without. Our house has been refinanced several times with the equitity line lumped back into it and now we owe more on the house than we did when we first started. He talks a good talk and also threatens and whines and is in my face until I see it his way. I was hoping he would have to use his inheritance to pay off some of the debts that we are under especially since he made most of them. Like I say we are too in debt to get a divorce and he knows it. We owe to much money on the house for anyone to buy it. I love my house. I never thought I would have to deal with such a thing.

question 2. If he started dating her after he had been separated and it is after October 1, then there is nothing I can do with her is it? If I can prove that he is having sex now, how will that help me in the long run. I taught school and have a retirement and I fear for that. I think I was told one time when I called in that he would have to take me to court for that. I know he does not deserve it because he was too busy spending on his self and not providing on his family needs.

The inheritance is his separate property and is not subject to distribution. If you were to divorce, the court could consider his separate property and wasteful spending as a factor in awarding you more of the martial estate ( less debt), but your husband will not be required to share the inheritance with you or use it to pay off debt.

If your husband began dating after the date of separation and you separated after October 1, 2009 you do not have a claim against his paramour.

To get your retirement protected, you would do as Erin says.
You sue for unequal distribution of the marital assets. Either people agree on distribution of assets in an agreement, or the judge makes the call. If he isn’t going to agree to take less than 1/2 your retirement, you will need to get a judge to make that decision.

Your argument to the judge would be what you stated.
He spent the majority of money from all of the loans. He bought a $70,000 truck. He bought Ski-Doos. Etc.
Normally a judge is inclined to just evenly split all of the marital property. If you want to show he has been a wasteful spender, you will need lots of documentation.

If you want to stay in your house you’d have to buy your husband out if there is equity. IF there is no equity, then he can agree to just let you assume the current debts.

You will need a lawyer for this. It will cost you, but otherwise you are going to have a slim chance of getting your retirement.

Good luck.