Where is the line between being mean & abusive?


I would like to know is there a line between just being mean & verbal abuse. If there is a line where is that line drawn?
Here is a short summary of my situation. There was infidelity in my marriage. The infidelity was discovered & my husband and I decided to stay together and work through it as long as it did not happen again which is exactly what I wanted to do. However he cannot seem to let go of what happened which I completely understand it is a tough situation, but I feel like he is taking it a bit above and beyond. He has started to completely berate me sometimes in front of our young child. He uses every opportunity to shove this back in my face and put me down. Some examples.
The Day of my Grandmothers Funeral: I was trying to do something nice for him by taking him out to nice restaurant to celebrate his birthday early with my family and the celebrate the life of our grandmother. On the way to the restaurant he started screaming at me in the car. I told him please dont do this to me today I just lost my grandmother & he replied with “Your feelings? ■■■■ your feelings!! ■■■■ you, ■■■■ you, ■■■■ you!! Your a disgusting whore & you dont know how to stay off your damn back”. These have become common names that I am called. He has told me more than once that:

  • I am a slut
  • I am a whore
  • I am a disgusting whore
  • I disgust him
  • That I don’t know how to stay off my back
  • He has asked me “how hard is it to stay off your back”
  • He has told me that I “ruined his entire adult life”

When I bring it to his attention that these things are very hurtful I am told “Thats what you deserve you brought it all on yourself”, “Sometimes the truth hurts”, “■■■■ your feelings”, “Theres the door…go” & stuff like that. I have become very withdrawn, depressed and suicidial at times. I hate me. I have no self-esteem and my confidence is completely gone.

Is any of this verbal abuse or is this indeed “what I deserve”


I’ve lived what you’re going through. It’s abuse and could/can easily escalate to physical abuse.

psychcentral dot com/lib/signs-you-are-verbally-abused-part-i/00015267

Just put the http in the front of it and change the dot com.


How you describe your problem, it’s clear that your husband is abusive.

My ex wife had exactly the same reactions (and finally she had the great idea sarcasms to hit her own 14y old son)

I have a recording of her saying the exact same thing than your husband (about your feeling when your grand mother passed away), this is crazy how similar it is. (it was when my grand ma passed away too)

I went to “interact” in Raleigh (association for victim of abuse), that was a big eye opening for me, look up online “wheel of power and control”, it will explain every reactions of your husband.
NEVER believe he will change, I and a lot of people made that mistake.