Where should I start?

My husband and I have been married for 5 years now. We have 3 boys ages 5, 4, and 7 months. Throughout most of our marriage, I have gone through a lot of hardships with my husband wanting to stay out late and privately talk and hang out with other females. Although he says there was never any sexual misconduct, I don’t agree, but I also don’t have the proof. After three years of marriage I finally found out that I had herpes and my husband was well aware that he carried it, but refused to tell me. I stayed with him, but a year later at four years of marriage I cheated on him after finding out that he and another female had been exchanging inappropriate text messages. I agree that it was not the way to solve anything, it is what happened. I immediately told my husband about it and we decided to draw closer and work things out. We then had out third child who is now 7 months. For the past 3 months, there has been a lot of bickering, arguing and less affection because of all of the tension. My husband has now been throwing out “quitting” our marriage. Throughout our marriage I have been a stay at home mom. I currently only hold a high school diploma and no childcare resources to even go back to school. Although my husband makes enough money now, our children have not had medical coverage since we were denied medicaid renewal back in February. My husband says that he can’t afford a babysitter and we have no family members that can help with our children. My husband brings home roughly $5,049 monthly.

Separation isn’t a matter of if anymore so when it happens I am more concerned about the fact that I have no friends/family members I can move in with. Even if I get an offer for employment, I can’t afford childcare. at this point, my only option is a womens shelter & my husband has already told me before that he will take my children if I ever go to a shelter. What can I do? Can I get any type of spousal support even though I have cheated on him before. I can’t afford a lawyer and I am completely scared.

I must also point out that my husband knew he had an incurable std when we met.

Marital misconduct is a bar to alimony, but if you can prove that your husband forgave you after the affair and resumed the marital relationship, you should be eligible for spousal support.