Can I leave


#1

Hi johnny
Do not leave the home you will be called the out spouse and you have no rights and will never be allowed in the home unless she allows it and it could also cost you more in the long run by living if you do leave and come back you can go to jail. My ex left and she lost alot but I will say this to you if you do stay more then likely she will come up with a charge on you and have you removed does this sound not real? Welcome to D-married (divorce) I like calling it that instead. This is a long and hard road to take and will take 18-24 months if not longer to settle, its all about money.
Tell you something else you may be paying alimony aswell so be very careful theres a song its cheaper to keep her in my case NOT to keep waws better, wish the best for you and luck aswell I do not like to see couples be like this it hurts everyone to know that something like paper (money) to come to play very hard to think about.
Again hope the best


#2

As it stands now there is no way we can stay in the same house much longer. I had been advised months ago by a friend not to leave until the agreement was finalised but then my attorney advised me to leave as soon a possible yesterday. I am confused. I certainly don’t want to do anything that will make the legal matters worse.


#3

If your attorney is advising you to leave then you should leave. If you have stated your intentions to leave, have tried to get an agreement together and have taken care of and plan to take care of your finacial responsibility then you should leave. Separation for divorce can only begin when one spouse leaves the marital home. If you take what you want and leave. Let your attorney work on the legal matters. While you will not be allowed to come back to the home without an invitation the same will be true for her. If you believe that this situation will escalate into violence then LEAVE!
Keep a journal of activities that are happening. Record your telephone conversations with her, get photos of her following you if you can, but get out of the home…I can’t be absolute but I don’t believe that your attorney would tell you to leave if this were going to cause you trouble in the future. You are entitled to half the marital assets and half the marital debt regardless of the situation or reason for separation. Write down everything that you can, serial numbers from large items that you leave in the home, or take photographs. This is for later use of dividing assets. And also so that the stbx can not sell off said items without you being given 1/2 the money. Make a copy of all finacial bills so that you will know what the amount is the date that you leave. This is so marital debt will not be increased after you leave.
Follow your attorney’s advice and protect yourself.


#4

Well it got so bad last night that I spent the night away. She chased me as I left and tried to wreck me several times. Something has got to happen today. My attorney is out of town and I have no clue what to do.


#5

I am not a attorney, but if your attorney told you to leave, then listen to him. You will have record of the fact that you tried to resolve the agreement before you left. You aren’t leaving out of the blue in other words. Just make sure you know what must be divided and don’t let anything get by you, ie. property and etc. sold without your approval, or more debt added without your knowledge. Keep good records, they will be important later on.

Again, I am NOT an attorney, but I would listen to the one you hired, isn’t that why you have him?

Good luck!!

doksdarlin


#6
quote:
[i]Originally posted by johnny[/i] [br]Well it got so bad last night that I spent the night away. She chased me as I left and tried to wreck me several times. Something has got to happen today. My attorney is out of town and I have no clue what to do.

Hopefully you have neighbors that witnessed this? Do not let your friends and family read about you in the paper…do you think those stories on the news are always going to be about someone else? You have been given legal advice by the attorney that you paid to protect your legal interests to leave your home. Go back to the home today only to get what you are taking with you. Take a police escort with you if you are worried that she may be there. Take the day off work and rent a moving truck if you have to but do not go back to stay. Just my opinion and suggestion but if I were you I would leave before things get too much more out of control.


#7

It hit the fan this week. I filed a domestic violence protective order and left. The judge told me at the bench that I would be given plenty of time to remove all of my belongings from the house so I let her stay at the house. When I got a deputy to go with me to the house to get my stuff he would only let me get my clothes and leave. What do I do now? She also refuses to give me copies of any of the bills so I am unable to pay my part. What a mess.


#8

You have a court order and the judge signed it what you are right what a mess sounds like you have to go back or get your attorney involved more on this sounds like this is going to go on for a while sorry to here all this hope the best for you


#9

My suggestion is to contact the mortgage company and find out what can be done in this situtaion. Contact the utility companies and let them know that you are no longer living at that address so that your name can be removed. Since you have a protective order I suggest you put in writing your intent to no longer be responsible for the utility payments. Get your attorney started on property distribution as soon as possible and also on getting you the time necessary to remove the rest of your belongings.


#10

I generally don’t recommend that people leave without consulting an attorney to deal with support and immediate property issues. However, you do not have to have a written agreement before leaving. If your attorney has advised you to leave is there some reason you do not trust their advise.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#11

I ended up having no choice due to the last huge arguement. I guess I was just in fear of the abandonment thing. But it got so nasty that there was no choice anymore.


#12

Well things have not changed. I will have been out of the house a month on Wednesday and all of my property is still at the house. I do not have a bed to sleep in or even a pot to cook in. She has changed the locks on everything including my shop and house. She is finding every way she can to drag out the property settlement and in the mean time stuff is dissapearing. Anybody got any ideas?


#13

If she is getting rid of marital property she will be responsible for paying you for 1/2 of that. She can not legally increase marital debt or decrease marital assets. Everything that was own on the day of separation is considered marital. You need to get your attorney working on getting this back in front of a judge as soon as possible so that you can regain your belongings. Other than that, I suggest you get together as much information you can. Financial records, mortgage statements. Contact the utility companies and get your name off of everything that you can. If the bills still have your name on them, you can get copies, especially if you explain the situation and that you do not want your credit ruined. You are entitled to 1/2 the money in checking or savings accounts, that may help you get by…

I’m sorry to hear that you are still in a bad situation…hopefully your attorney will get on the ball with getting a hearing set for equitable distribution. In the mean time, plan to start over with nothing. [V] It’s terrible but it will be easier for you to plan this way than to count on her being forced by the courts to repay you or allow you access to stuff she may have already gotten rid of. Get your attorney on the ball and just keep thinking, you can file for divorce in 11 more months.


#14

I guess my biggest question is how can she lock me out of my own house and shop legally. I filed for a restraining order on her and ended up the only one that it effected at all. Everything I own is locked away from me including my pets.


#15

Does the restraining order state that she will retain possesion of the marital home and or belongings? Has your attorney suggested anything? File for divorce from bed & board so that she has leave the home. With the protective order that shouldn’t be difficult to obtain and it can be filed with the equitable distribution claim. Since technically your separation began the day you left, she can legally change the locks since it is no longer a marital residence. BUT, if you can get a judge to grant you divorce from bed & board the she would be the one who could not legally be on the property. With the protective order in place, she could be arrested not only for domestic tresspass but also for violating the order.
My ex is going through a similar situation though I believe that she has a bogus protective order against him. I am only hearing about it from other sources, but from what I was told, he found it was easier to let her stay at the home. A mutual friend did go “steal” the dog because she wasn’t taking care of it and he did “break in” to get some of his belongings while she wasn’t there, but he didn’t go alone and he didn’t take a lot of stuff…I’m not making any suggestions or giving advice, I’m just stating what I have heard in a similar situation. Keep us posted.


#16

Yes the temporary order gave her temporary possesion of the home for three days until the next court date and the only reason I did that was the judge told me that I would be able to go and remove all of my possesions from the home that weekend with the assistance of law enforcement. Now her lawyer has continued it three times and the local law enforcement would only let me have my clothes. I was trying to be civil and let her stay at the house since she was going to get it in the settlement anyway but these crazy laws ending up protecting her instead of me and my property. My attorney is working with her attorny to come to a settlement but in the mean time I have no possesions and whatI did have is disappearing. The last time I got in the residense several items were already missing and that was two weeks ago.


#17

My suggestion is to get the information about the stuff that is missing and put it into your ed claim. While I realize that you are in a bad situation, the more time that goes by the more time you have to get a listing of assets and financial information together. I don’t know what to tell you about your pet…
Find out from your attorney what can be done about the continuances, if anything. Maybe the judge wouldn’t approve a continuance if he found out you were without your belongings and marital assets were being gotten rid of…hopefully an attorney will answer on this one.


#18

If you need property and you cannot work this out through negotiation, you can file a lawsuit for Equitable Distribution. After the lawsuit is filed, you can file a motion for interim distribution and ask the court to distribute the property you need to set up an apartment.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#19

I have been trying to come to a property settlement with my wife for six months with no sucess. These last few months have been very ugly with her being very verbally abusive and following me everywhere. Iam afraid it may escilate to violence. My laywer has instructed me to take everything I want and leave and let him work on a settlement after I am gone. Is this legal and is it the right way to go from here? I thought if I left with no settlement it would be concidered abandonment.[?]