Child abuse?


#1

The first thing you need to do is calm down before you make some really foolish decisions. It is understandable that you are upset and your strong reaction to being served with divorce papers is reasonable. But you need to keep it together, brother. Don’t let your anger get the best of you.

You have no idea the hell that you will unleash on everyone, including your child, if you go on the attack like this. YES, get an attorney now. NO, do not run to DSS over some bruises and scrapes when you have no other evidence of abuse. I guarantee you that you will look like a vindictive, jilted husband seeking revenge against his wife for filing for a divorce. Allegations of abuse during divorce are rampant and you could end up looking like the bad guy if you don’t have something substantive to back up your accusations.

Take your child to a doctor if you are concerned about the bruises and scrapes. Ask for a professional opinion. If a doctor suspects that the bruises could not have happened in the way your wife has suggested, then perhaps you should pursue the matter. But for heavens sake, DO NOT MAKE A FALSE ALLEGATION OF ABUSE - no matter how much leverage you think it will give you in a case.

You have a year of mandatory, legal separation to go through before either of you will be granted a divorce in NC. Slow things down. Think smart and strategize! This is a period in which you need to use your brain and some logic rather than listening to the wild emotions roiling around inside you.

I can already tell you that the “case” you are trying to present is full of holes. Back up and start over. If you are a good father then you have every right to the care and companionship of your child. You’ve already got two strikes against you. 1) You are a man 2) You have a record of assault. Don’t strike yourself out by using a dangerous legal strategy or making wild accusations of abuse.

Believe it or not, even if your wife is secretly bisexual, that is not sufficient reason to take the child away from her, order supervised visits and compel her into mental health counseling.

I recommend that you take time to ask a bunch of questions here in this forum and read other messages about how divorce really works in NC. This isn’t an episode of Law and Order.

Educate yourself. I recommend the books “Custody for Fathers” and “Father’s Rights” - both of which can be purchased at major bookstores. Document the dates, times and circumstances of anything important - especially if you think it is related to child neglect or abuse.

Create a timeline of events and keep taking photos. In NC you can record conversations between you and your wife without her knowledge or consent. If she is prone to bragging about doing anything unethical or has a pattern of screaming or berating you, then buy a small digital recorder and get it on tape.

DO NOT get into any arguments with her that become heated. Naturally, don’t stalk or harass her. Whether you deserved your assault conviction or not, you have a record of violence. All it takes is for you say the wrong thing to her and she can get an ex parte (restraining) order against you. That won’t look good. You need to protect yourself against false allegations. If you suspect she is going to make one, then document your concerns in advance.

Most important of all, take care of yourself mentally and emotionally. Exercise, eat healthy, DON’T TURN TO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL, pray, spend time with friends… whatever helps you. The emotional turmoil of divorce, especially in a down and dirty relationship like you apparently have with your wife, can destroy your sanity. Find some peace anyway you can. Forgive your wife as best you can and remember that if your marriage must end, you still must work with her in a coparenting relationship. Put the needs and welfare of your child ahead of your own desires for revenge.

There is a lot of good info and support out here to help you through this! But the first step is to release some of this anger and anxiety and focus in on what things you actually have some control over. You can’t change your wife’s mind or improve her behaviors, but you can use this time to be introspective and focus on how to be the best person you can be for yourself and your child during this distressful ordeal.

I wish you luck.


#2

Amen! Pay attention to advice on here…a lot of us speak from experience. We’re here to support you but you have to be prepared to actually hear what’s being said. Take a step back and re-evalutate your situation.


#3

I understand your concern for your child. I think before you take any action you should meet with an attorney who can review the entire custodial situation and give you some advice. It is impossible to tell you what the best steps would be based on the information that can be exchanged on here.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit radio.rosen.com for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

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Durham, NC 27713
Phone: (919) 321-0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#4

My wife just served divorce papers this week, and I have reason to believe she is neglecting our son. Due to her false accusations of assault (I was convicted on THREE COUNTS even though my wife ADMITTED that it was her fault) I have supervised visits with our infant son every other week. I believe she is living with another woman and neglecting our son.

He has shown up to the visits three times with bruises on his face - the first two she said he “fell while standing”, but the were right over his eye and one on his forehead. this time he has a terrible, huge scrape on his nose and forehead. I have extensive photo evidence. She said she sat him down in the driveway while getting the carseat into the car and he crawled forward and bumped his head. She should be paying more attention! She’s too preoccpied with her HOMOSEXAL lifestyle.

I want to take her back to court and get my son away from this dangerous and disgusting situation. She has a mental illness she should have supervised visits. Should I contact an attorney first, or report abuse to DSS?