Child Custody

Our children are now by mutual agreement physically staying with me (their dad). Mom and kids relationship is very volatile. Mom loses her temper and the children are withdrawn and antagonistic to her authority. I want her to have decision making power as a parent, but for us to mutually agree on visitation. Would this be joint custody or what would this be called?

At present, I want mom to be denied physical possession rights to the children. I am not sure if she will agree to this and what action I may have to take to enact that.

Here are my thoughts (Separation Agreement DRAFT):

  1. The Parties agree that joint legal custody is in the best interests of the children. The Parties agree that both parents are fit and proper persons to have joint responsibility for the care of the dependent children.

25. Both parties agree that the children may at some future time desire to stay with Adriana Vermillion as their primary residence. In which case, both Kenneth Vermillion and Adriana Vermillion and children may negotiate if and when this will occur based on the following guidelines:
A. The child(ren) in question is/are showing Adriana Vermillion due respect as their mother and a recognized and accepted authority figure in their life - This entails taking responsibility for their behavior and refraining from demeaning Adriana Vermillion by means of name-calling, labels, disparaging remarks, or stonewalling (non-compliance and w it hd r a w a l) .
B. The child(ren) have demonstrated obedience and respectful compliance with Adriana Vermillion regarding age-appropriate responsibilities
C. The child(ren) in question desire(s) this to be so
The child(ren) may not do so in order to circumnavigate the respective authority or rules of each parties household. As much as is possible both parties agree to align house rules and expectations for both children so as to mitigate conflicts around these differences.

Can you provide some guidance on how to formulate this to be most agreeable and reasonable and accomplish this goal?

Please be aware that our attorneys do not respond to posts in the “Emotional Issues” section of the forum. You will need to post in the “Legal Issues” forum.

Keep in mind you can not control the other party. Trying to keep rules etc will only leave you more frustrated and keep you emotionally imprisoned. She is their mom and if she gets any custody you will be more emotionally free if you let go and be the best parent you can be when they are with you. At least add to the agreement if a mutual decision can not be made you get to make the decision. Also could just say you have custody and she can have mutually agreed upon times. This could cause problems if you lack boundaries.

When you say that I have custody and we have mutually agreed upon times… Is that still qualify then as “joint custody”?

Adding that I get the “final say” in matters where we disagree and getting her to agree to “THAT” … that sounds funny. Can you elaborate on that suggestion please and thank you?

Yes, boundaries are IMPORTANT.