Greetings. First, your wife cannot “refuse to give you a divorce.” Go see an attorney immediately and get a separation agreement drafted. Bring it home and begin negotiating with her, with a set date for you moving out planned.
Yes, your wife may be awarded the house, even if you want to sell. But, the court will likely even up the equity by granting you more of the liquid assets like retirement accounts and investment accounts. Of course, the judge may also agree for you both to sell the home, or have her obtain a refinance and give you your half of the home. The bottom line is that she will not just “win” the equity in the house free and clear, but it will be balancing act.
Yes, a judge can make any division of your property that is equitable.
Yes, she can use the text messages in your phone.
Yes, she can sue your lady friend for alienation of affection. It is up to your lady friend to make the claim that the affection in the marriage ended before you were involved.
You really need to speak with an attorney. You will likely be paying alimony and need to work this all out before she leaves. It is not as bleak as it now seems and you probably will end up with more than you think right now when this settlement goes through. Also, you are not using your leverage, but instead you are living under the umbrella of her threats. See an attorney and begin to break free! Best of luck.
Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.