Ending seperation

  1. You have to file for equible distribution before filing for divorce but I believe you can still get a divorce as long as that is in the works.

  2. He’s full of bull. When the time limit is up, you file for divorce and he is served. He doesn’t even have to show up in court, you’ll get the divorce.

If your ex believes he will get custody simply because you cheated, it doesn’t work that way. It sounds like he’s trying to scare and manipulate you. Let him say whatever he wants, and try your best to ignore it. Don’t get caught up in his emotional games. Just be the best parent you can be, that’s what is the most important to the courts.


Just to add to what 4them posted. Courts do not normally separate siblings and the fact that one of the children is not biologically your stbx’s does not make a difference. The courts would base custody on the conduct and interest your stbx has shown since the separation and prior. If he has shown no interest in being a parent to the child and has allowed you to have primary physical custody, has harrassed you and threatened you, then he has set the precedent for what HE wanted custody to be. I have not often heard of one parent having custody during the separation and the other getting custody after the divorce. The courts do not look kindly on parents that use children to intimidate the other parent into doing what they want.

You should settle on property and other ED issues because otherwise it will have to be settled in court. In NC court, you are entitled to 1/2 the marital assets or the value and responsible for 1/2 the marital debt. In court, the division of property and other marital assets (bank accounts, retirement funds…) would be divided equally with the amount that were in them at the date of separation.
It sounds to me as though he’s trying to get you to agree to something that you do not agree to. Or that your attorney has advised against.
The divorce will go through whether or not he signs the papers. ED must be filed for prior to this but it will not normally hold up the absolute divorce unless he can’t be served.

It sounds like you should trust your instincts. If you don’t believe that what he is telling you is true…then it most probably is not. Consult your attorney, record phone conversations, keep copies of any text messages or e-mails. Try to only contact your ex in writing so that this is easier to keep up with. If you don’t have one already, start a “divorce file” and keep a journal. You may not ever need it, but it’s better to have and not need…


You must either settle property before divorce or include a claim for equitable distribution (and alimony if you are the dependant spouse) when you file for divorce. Otherwise you will lose your rights to equitable distribution of the martial estate.
Your soon to be ex cannot be 100% sure that he will get custody of your son. The courts look to the best interests of the child when determining custody. You have indicated that you are the primary caregiver of your child, and that he is attached to his siblings. This will most certainly affect the court


Thank you.



Erin E. Clarey
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

Raleigh Office
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 943.0044

Sutton Station
5826 Fayetteville Rd. Suite 205
Durham, NC 27713
Phone: (919) 321-0780


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Either my STBX is just talking up his butt or i must be alittle lost…

1.He told me that his attorney said, that we have to settle on the property because we can do the divorce. Is this correct?

  1. STBX said that the divorce will not go through unless he signs?
    I really don’t know if his attorney is feeding him a bunch of bull.

Well DNA was done today. Now my STBX is 100% sure he will get custody oof our 2 1/2 yr old son. Since I admitted in court that my 1 yr old is not his. How is this so? I have had temp custody of out two child (well our son) for almost a year. My 2 1/2 yr old has other siblins as well. My 2 1/2 love’s his brother and sisters. My son was wanting to come home for the longest. Shoot, my ex is the one who left NC in 7/2008. I stayed here. He lives with his gram and no job. My children and i live in a house together with no one else. ???

Confused and mind is spinning…