How to get out

It sounds like you are being reasonable in an unreasonable situation. First, you are entitled to 1/2 the marital assets, home, cars, bank accounts, retirement accounts up to the date of separation. As for the marital home, he would owe you 1/2 the equity in the home. Being a dependant spouse, you are probably entitled to alimony or post separation support until you are able to begin supporting yourself.

If he talked badly about you to the children previously then he will most likely do that again. There’s nothing you can do to prevent it. The only thing you can do is be “the bigger person” and not do the same to him. When parents divorce there seems to be a contest to prove to each other who loves the children more and who the children love more. Don’t make the mistake of putting them in the middle. If they get put there, make sure it’s not you doing it. Consult an attorney. Consults are not normally very expensive and you can find out exactly where you stand. Get a separation agreement drawn up and signed. Document everything you can. Be prepared. Research this site and others… Figure out what you want out of this and find out what you have to do to make it happen.

Things do not have to be equal at both homes. The whole point of separating is that you don’t want things to be like they are now. Legally, until divorce, you can not buy a home without your husband signing also. There’s something else he can sign so you would be allowed but my suggestion would be to rent for a while…
Separation of one year and one day is required before you can file for absolute divorce.
Once the year is up and you can buy a home without your stbx’s help or signature then look at buying. If your daughters do not mind, let them share a room for the time being. They may need the comfort of having the other close…
Good Luck!

Once you separate neither your ex spouse nor the court can dictate what type of home you get. You can get anything you choose, however if you are seeking support and you have substantially increased your living expenses, you can expect that you will only get support which is comparable to the standard of living you had before you separated.

If your spouse makes more money than you technically you are a dependent spouse. Whether or not you get alimony depends on whether you have a financial need for it. It sounds like you do and you should contact an attorney before you move out to make sure you preserve your right to alimony.

When you separate, all the assets and debts you have accumulated during the marriage will be divided equally. Depending on what assets you have, he may need to buy you out of the house.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
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Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

My husband and I are planning to separate once I am finished with nursing school (12/07). We have two daughters, ages 12 and 9. To give just a bit of background, we have been married for 12 years, and separated in March of 05, but reconciled in March of 06 with the notion that if we couldn’t work it out, then when I finished school we could go our separate ways. He is an alcohol abuser and also is somewhat verbally abusive. I had thought I’d try to get primary custody (his visitation would be weds. and EOW), but when we separated before we had sort of split the time with the kids. He is a very angry person and I know that my pursuing anything but what he wants will result in him using character assassination, and whatever means necessary to get his way. I really don’t want to be embroiled in a HATE fest where he berates me to the kids as he did the first time around. The kids love him to death and I don’t want to be seen as the evil one who took them away from their dad. That’s one issue. The second issue is this… when I try to talk to him about how we’re going to end this marriage and what I can expect from him in order to get my life started elsewhere, he again has his own ideas of what it should be like for me. I told him I would like to buy a 3 BR townhouse for me and the girls, and he thinks I should buy a 2 BR and the girls can share a room – but that’s now what they do here at his place. The upshot of my rambling is this… shouldn’t things be equal at both places? I am the dependent spouse, what can I expect from him? If I leave the marital home, does he need to “buy me out”? I know I have a lot of questions, but your help would be greatly appreciated.