I need new advice - everything is changed


I talked to my lawyer last week about that, too. He said that once a separation agreement was signed by both parties and notarized, the separation period should begin shortly thereafter (he told me the judges like to see a physical separation, living in different places, well before thirty days after the date on the agreement).

As I understand it, your separation agreement will be invalid if he stays with you again. There are loopholes apparently for physical contact (originally, any sexual/physical contact with your spouse made the agreement invalid but they’ve slacked off on that a bit. They allow for some mistakes apparently).

It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too, to be perfectly honest with you. Are you prepared to go through this year in and year out? You have to physically apart for a year and it doesn’t seem like he’ll leave you alone enough to make that happen. If you don’t mind playing second fiddle, then welcome him back each time!

I’m going through a similar situation and am tired of being second. Whether it works with your husband and the other woman is irrelavent. You need someone who will put you first in their life. I hope things work out, but in the way that most benefits you.


Your questions about the separation agreement are good ones, and are hard to answer without more information. Here’s the deal, generally, though. A separation agreement is either “integrated” or “nonintegrated”. Simply put, an integrated agreement is one in which the spousal support and property provisions are “linked together”, so to speak, so that one spouse’s duty to pay the other is dependent on the paying spouse getting property in return. With a nonintegrated agreement, generally, reconciliation will end the paying spouse’s obligation to pay future alimony, but will not alter the property provisions. With an integrated agreement, generally, reconciliation will end the alimony obligation and will “nullify” the unexecuted (unperformed) property provisions as well. However, that being said, two things to keep in mind: if the agreement has been fully executed (performed), then reconciliation has no effect, and reconciliation will not end the duty of the paying spouse to pay “past due” alimony, regardless of whether the support and property provisions are integrated or not.

Whether two folks have reconciled or not is a matter of the “totality of circumstances”. Generally, if a husband and wife “hold themselves out” to be married (by, among other things, going out in public together, living together, sharing expenses, and resuming intimacy), then they have reconciled. This will “stop the clock” on the separation, and thus the parties will have to separate again for one full year before either can file for divorce.

Whether to reconcile or not is a tough decision, and it’s really a personal choice. I would suggest to you, though, that liars make bad spouses, and unfaithful liars are worse. Since you have a separation agreement in place, you don’t have to let him come back in your home. If he tries to enter your home, and you don’t want him to, you can have him charged with domestic criminal trespass.

Good luck to you.

David L. McGuire
The Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 200
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

My original post is dated 11/18 but a lot has changed since then. (Please read it) My Husband and I both agreed when we put our house on the market that he would pursue employment in the state that we would both be moving too. He would stay at his Mothers house while looking for a job. As mentioned in my previous post he then moved out again and then we ended up signing a separation agreement. I signed the Agreement even though I did not want a separation. I just kind of gave up because I knew he was still having an Affair. I was glad that he was still going out of state because of the “other woman.”

Here is what has changed; The week before he left he continued to keep in touch with me, ie phone calls and coming over the house. He was very friendly and started talking like nothing happened. Mentioned getting “us” and apartment and etc. This continued all week. He knows that I want to reconcile. The day he left he came over early in the morning. We were together all day until he left to drive to Conn. Every thing he talked about was “us” and things we would do together. That same day before he left I point blank asked him so as to not mis-construe his intentions of a future for us. I said "So no Divorce, he said no. I said and when you come back here you will be staying with me ? He said yes, I’ll be staying with you.

He has lied to me many times in the past so I don’t know if I should count on what he says.

He has taken half of his belongings with him, and the rest is here. I knew before he left that he would return if he did not get employment there. So far he has not and is talking about returning. He has only been gone 12 days. I also know that he still has not cut off contact with the “other woman.” Real fact not hear-say. This is why I really need some answers. Legal ones. I can deal with his lies later.

If he comes back home to me and lives here with me in this house…My questions; Is our Separation agreement still binding? Will it be still binding if he comes back and lives with me and sleeps in the same bed and etc. ? I know that “intentions” when going from one state to another have some validity. But where is the line drawn ? Could he say some where up the road to the Court that he had different intentions than what he is telling me now ? What makes the Separation Agreement invalid ?

Thank you.