My husband has admitted to infidelity and we are seeking counseling. Of course there is alot of emotion in doing so. Naturally our sex life is on hold but should we have sex will I still be able to seek alimony if either one of us seeks separation or divorce? Is there a statue of limitation on infidelity and will sex after knowing of the cheating affect anything in court?
If you and your spouse do separate, and you are the ‘dependent’ spouse, then you are entitled to alimony.
If you sleep with your husband, seek counseling and try to resume your marriage, then essetially, you’re ‘forgiving’ him for his affair.
NOW…that said. Do you want your marriage? Or do you want a divorce? If you want the former, then persue it 100%. If it works…then that is great…you have a new start. If it doesn’t, you need to once again start fresh. Alimony will be there either way…if you’re the dependent spouse.
There is not a statute of limitations on infidelity; the concern is the appearance that you have forgiven your spouse for the affair, sometime called condonation. Continuing your martial relationship (whether sexual in nature or not) and attending counseling can be factors a court will look to in order to determine if you have in fact forgiven him.
While the statutes dictate that an unfaithful supporting spouse shall pay alimony to a dependant spouse, the absence of an affair (or an affair that has been condoned) certainly does not bar your claim for alimony. If you are a dependant spouse who is actually and substantially dependant in your spouse’s income to maintain your standard of living, you should receive alimony whether the affair is condoned or not.
Erin, I would like to expand on what you said, about the appearance of forgiveness. What if there was forgiveness, with continuing the relationship and counseling, and then a few years later you find out he has an STD, which brings everything back to the surface again and now you can’t forgive him (which brings up the question if I truly did to begin with)? That has happened to me and upon finding out about the STD, I shut down emotionally and ended up having an affair of my own. He has learned of this and is threatening to use that against me for custody of our son. We have a son & a daughter and he only wants the boy. The problem I have with this is that his affairs were homosexual in nature. On top of that, he is bi-polar and OCD and has tried to commit suicide 4 yrs ago. He is an emotional abuser but I’ve always tried to keep peace and work things out. I know I have made mistakes but I need to know what the chances are of him taking our son or what I need to do to make sure that doesn’t happen. He is 9 and our daughter is 11.
Based on your soon to be ex’s history and his position on custody of the children I don’t believe he could demonstrate that it is in your son’s best interest to live with him. He clearly has emotional issues, and you may want to consider make a motion for him to have psychological evaluation in any custody action you may pursue.
As for the mutual affairs, normally an affair is not a huge consideration in a court’s decision regarding custody, unless it can be proven that the affair (s) will have a continuing effect on the children which is detrimental.
And how could it be proven that the affairs would have a continuing effect on the children? The kids don’t know either of us had an affair.
It will likely not be a factor in that case.