I was informed last night by my ex that now we are not going to mediation. He states that since we both want custody there is no need for it because we would fight in front of the mediator. I thought we had to do mediation before the final custody hearing. Is there something that I don’t know about?


In a custody situation, the court will appoint a mediator. Some mediators don’t do court-appointed ones, so it might be best to wait or else you are going to have to do it twice. Of course, chances are that you’d come to an agreement before having to even have a custody battle if you go to mediation now. I guess it is sort of a gamble.


Many counties require that folks attend mediation for child custody before a court date is even granted. Most people who go to mediation are not in agreement as to the terms of custody, this is the reason they go and should not be a reason NOT to go.


Thank you Erin.

I got paperwork from the courts and it stated that we did have mediation. I sure don’t remember having mediation. Also, the Ex stated that if I win custody of our 3 yr old son, the EX will have me in court every month until the verdict is turned around. Can this happen? Is is legal?


If you reach an agreement in custody mediation which becomes a parenting agreement approved by the court or if mediation fails and you go to trial the judge will issue an order on custody and visitation. Once the order is in place your ex would have to make a motion to modify custody in order to get back in court. In order to make such a motion your ex will need to show that there has been a substantial change in circumstances affecting the best interests of the child since entry of the Order, making it infeasible for him to return to court often.


Thank you so much Erin.

One last question, If my husband gets orders to leave the state and I request in our custody paperwork that I am able to relocate out of NC if such move is done. Will that effect anything in the custody decision from the judge?
Meaning would the judge look towards the EX because he does live out of state, and if by any chance I have to leave the state in the future, could he get custody?


Custody is fluid in nature and can be changed anytime there is a substantial change in circumstances, such as a long distance move.


Does this mean that if he has already moved out of state to IL, he could take me to court to take custody if i move even closer to him?


Yes, it could, but I would not think such an action would be worth his time if you are moving closer.