I have been separated from my husband since August 2025. My husband left the marriage, and I need guidance on protecting my legal and financial rights in North Carolina. I cannot afford full legal representation.
I was the dependent spouse from the beginning of our marriage. My husband was the primary financial provider, and our financial arrangements and lifestyle were built around that understanding. I gradually entered the workforce, but I continue to have significantly fewer financial resources than he does.
After separation, he initially agreed to continue paying certain household expenses, consistent with our arrangements during the marriage. We documented how expenses would be handled in a spreadsheet that we both initialed. We did not agree that these payments were loans requiring repayment.
He has since presented a settlement proposal that uses California divorce law and heavy legal jargon to offset any claim I may have against the 401k by using Watts/Epstein to credit himself half of what he paid for the normal household expenses, my car repairs and dental work that needed done. All things he would have covered during our marriage and he offered to continue paying. The RV the was our mar his demand is that I get the loan out of his name and I ti mine. He wants reimbursement or credit for certain post-separation payments and I waive my right to any 401k which will zero any further support. His proposal could leave me financially vulnerable while requiring me to give up potential claims. I rejected the proposal but remain willing to negotiate a fair resolution.
During our marriage, and even now, I have experienced emotional and verbal mistreatment and sexual coercion. He continues to intimidate, manipulate and pressure me and agreeing to his demands and when I don’t I’m met with anger and threats. My husband’s pornography addiction played a significant role in our marital difficulties and the harm I experienced. At one point we sought therapy from a specialist but they couldn’t see us both so he co t inked for a few months until he ceased going. I have sought therapy and have been diagnosed with complex PTSD (CPTSD) because of the effects of the relationship.
I need to understand how to protect my legal and financial rights.
My questions are:
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How does my status as the dependent spouse from the beginning of the marriage affect my potential eligibility for post-separation support or alimony?
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Could the sexual coercion, emotional abuse, and circumstances surrounding my husband’s pornography addiction be relevant to an alimony claim?
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Can my husband claim reimbursement or credits for expenses he offered and agreed to pay after separation?
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How are marital debts, retirement assets, and an RV the was our marital home he chose to leave, that has negative equity generally handled? I can’t afford to get a loan on my own and it is currently solely in his name.
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What evidence should I preserve, and what affordable legal resources or limited-scope representation might be available?
I want to understand my options, protect my financial future, and pursue a fair resolution without unnecessary conflict. I am willing to negotiate, but I do not want to accept an arrangement that leaves me financially vulnerable simply because I cannot afford an attorney.