I know there’s no “typical” visitation schedule that NC goes on, but given the following facts, what are the most relevant if I want the judge to order limited visitation out of state and less overall disruption to our lives. I would prefer my daughter’s father come here for most of visitation. We currently have a temporary order that allows for 1 weekend a month here in NC, 5 days in PA over Christmas, and 14 days in PA for summer. 6 hours a day for all visitation. No overnights. To continue til her 2nd birthday. She will be almost 20 months at the permanent hearing.
Facts:
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Unmarried at time of conception (I lived here in NC, he lives in PA) and at the time he lied extensively to me regarding his income and capacity to travel among many other things.
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History of verbal and emotional abuse, threats of physical abuse, DVPO that I ultimately dismissed. I have his texts saved. He’s tried to blackmail me, lied to police officers, I could go on.
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Father has verifiable anger issues and past alcohol issues (I have all his drunk texts, him admitting to driving drunk. He apparently isn’t drinking anymore but it appears to be hinged on his new relationship.) Also, I have testimony from mutual friends regarding his temper.
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Father has strongly resisted child support and has only paid sporadically. We do not have an order though.
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He’s made very minimal effort to see her and wants most if not all visitation to be in PA.
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My husband has raised my daughter and been here with her every day since her birth. She is very close with him and calls him daddy. Altogether my husband and I have 3 other children. (Unusual situation because we divorced in 2013 but remained close and had an ideal coparenting relationship and remarried recently.)
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I homeschool my children and have for years. I’m worried about how visitation travel will affect our daily lives, especially since my husband travels sporadically for his job.
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Father is self-employed and works a lot. Presumably my daughter would be with his elderly mother or his new girlfriend (of 4 months) who he’s already referring to as her “mommy,” although she’s only met my daughter once.
Overall, I’m fully aware that he will get time with her. Given our unusual situation, her having siblings, my being a stay at home, homeschooling mom, her having a stable father figure in her life already, and his personal issues, what could be a reasonable albeit more limited schedule that I could propose at our permanent hearing that has a chance of success? Which of the above things should I be focusing on? I also have a ton of photos of my family’s daily life and her relationships with her siblings and stepdad, ample evidence of successful parenting, and a lot of character witnesses for myself in the form of notarized letters.
I’m in Johnston County btw.
At a permanent custody trial, you should propose the schedule that you believe is best for your child. If your supporting evidence and facts are persuasive enough, the judge may side with you.
I think it is likely that a judge will agree that there should be no overnights, especially with your child’s young age and the father’s drinking.
The facts you will want to focus on are what is best for your toddler: how a lot of back and forth travel time will affect her and you and your family, the father’s drinking, the lack of meaningful father-child time if your child is in PA for extended periods of time, the quality or lack thereof of a current father-child relationship or bond, etc.
For every piece of evidence or testimony that you enter at trial, you will want to make sure you can make an argument or reason as to why that piece of evidence or that piece of testimony is in the best interest of the child.
At a custody trial, you will want to put on as much relevant evidence and testimony as you have time for - judges usually want to hear as much as they can when they are tasked with making a permanent custody and visitation decision for a child.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
Thank you very much for your time!
I wanted to update this thread for future readers.
I had consultations with two Johnston County attorneys who both told me that even with the evidence I have (not hearsay, texts from father) and father’s documented history of domestic and alcohol abuse, it’s unlikely that will substantially affect his access to the child, except that it’s not unreasonable that initial visitation will be here in NC given that he’s not cared for her much.
It was extremely disappointing to learn and certainly doesn’t make sense to me, but this is what I was told and wanted to share this new perspective with future readers. It appears attorneys have conflicting views on these kinds of situations. I’ve resigned myself to having to work out a custody agreement with him or simply leave it up to Judge Love.
I was able to find an extremely comprehensive sample custody order that I’m using as a template and I’m including a section entitled “Safety and Protection” in which I’ll include something to the effect that the child shall not be exposed to the use of controlled substances or excessive alcohol use. Also, I’m including an expectation that there will be no physical (corporal) discipline, nor any discipline that involves shouting, intimidating, or otherwise degrading her. And should these things occur it can be considered a change in circumstances and may result in a change of legal or physical custody.
If consuming alcohol is a concern for the safety of your child when your child is with the father, it can be court ordered, even by agreement, that the father use an alcohol monitoring device during the time period that he has visitation. The companies that handle this are Smart Start and Sober Link.
It is a handheld device that is pre-programmed to alert at specified days and times (i.e. when a parent has scheduled visitation with a child). When it alters, the parent must blow into the device and it monitors the parent’s alcohol level (like a breathalyzer). The readings are sent back to the other parent. The device also takes a picture of the person blowing into it.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
We actually tried to negotiate this during my DVPO and he refused to agree to even abstain from alcohol for 24 hours prior to and during his visitation. I don’t have an attorney and the last attorney I consulted with said I’d “get eaten alive” if I go into the courtroom without representation. I’m not really sure what my options are realistically, but I might just have to hope the judge sees the risk involved. I have heard of Soberlink. Thank you!
Question concerning a permanent order if it goes before the judge because we can’t agree:
I’ve offered 6 months of visitation in non-custodial parent’s home state. The order would be this:
1 week over Spring Break every year
1 week over Thanksgiving every year
4 weeks for summer visitation
5 days during birthday month, alternating years
Half of Christmas break
All of the above would be in his state. As you can see I’ve offered all major holidays every year. I also suggested no visitation during 2 months of the year (January and July) and offered 2 additional weeks in the summer when minor child is 5. I’ve asked he come here to visit her in the remaining 4 months on any days he elects to visit and as frequently as he wishes.
He told me he is tired of staying in Airbnb’s and won’t agree to this schedule. Does that sound unreasonable? Would a judge make me fly my 16 month old daughter back every month? He owns his own personal training business and claims he can’t rearrange his schedule, must be available to his clients based on their schedules, and can’t afford to not work AND spend money to travel. We don’t have a child support order and he pays here and there.
I’m at a loss as to how to proceed.
Based on the information you provided, this schedule does not seem unreasonable. When one parent lives out of state, that parent typically will only be able to receive custodial time during breaks from school. I think the father in this case could appear to the judge has unreasonably refusing to spend any money and unreasonably attempting to force you to spend money in order to effectuate visitations with the child.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
Would that also be the case for a toddler who is not yet in school though? Also, is there a typical number of total yearly days a non-custodial parent gets?
Oftentimes that is still the schedule that is put into place in anticipation of the toddler eventually being school age and to maximize the noncustodial parent’s time with the child due.
There is not a typical number of yearly days a noncustodial parent is awarded.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
So, just so I’m clear, a likely or reasonable schedule would be ALL holidays in PA plus 4 to 6 weeks in the summer and 1 or 2 weekends a month here in NC? Or would we still alternate holidays? I know Christmas is split in half. He told me today that his attorney told him he’d get much more than what I offered. But that would be almost like 50/50 split and him being out of state that seems excessive for a child.
A typical custody schedule of school-aged children when one parent lives out of state is the parenting living out of state has the child at least half the time in the summer and the majority of holidays. However, the facts and circumstances of each case can sway and affect this, and your child is much younger which takes special consideration for the travel time, the adjustment to being away from the primary parent, etc. However, this type of schedule can still be put into place for a toddler depending on how well-acclimated or not the toddler is to the out of state parent.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.