PLease help me... I do not know what to do


#1

I have a 14 year old daughter. She lives in NC with her mother and I live in FL. I have court ordered visitation of one weekend a month and 3 weeks during the summer. I do and have always paid my child support of $665 per month and have no problem doing this.
Now my daughter has decided she is much too busy to come visit me this summer. I have tried to be flexible with dates even with the amount of time. I have even offered to only do a long weekend instead of a full 3 weeks at once. But she basically refuses to come stating she has softball, volleyball, a beach trip, you name it going on.
Her mother is refusing to help in this situation stating if my daughter does not wanto to go she doesn’t have to and no one can make her. Her mother also stated that she has the choice at age 12 over whether or not she goes. She stated no law enforcement will force her to come because she is over 12.
Is this true? What do I do if they continue this? I hate to force her to come but I want to spend time with my daughter. I understand she is a teenager and has al ot of other things going on but I also believe it is in her best interest to spend time with both parents and her half sister. The mother keeps telling me I should just take off and come up there but I cannot afford to. If I do not work, I do not get paid and then there is no money to pay my child support for the week. What are my choices here and does my 14 year old daughter have the right to decide what she does? Can she be made to come? What should I do? :cry:


#2

if you have court ordered visitation - then it is exactly that…court ordered…until it is changed by a judge - the mother/daughter should abide by it…if she chooses not to come then it is violating the order…seems like you have been very flexible and mom is not cooperative don’t make it any easier…I would contact a lawyer and get advice of what to do in your situation…but until it is changed by the judge - the mother should cooperate…if she don’t it would look bad on her in court that she was not abiding by order - sounds like mom don’t want to also be bothered in making daugher go and visit.


#3

You have constantly asked this same question many times over. UNTIL THE COURT ORDER IS CHANGED, THE COURT ORDER IS IN FULL FORCE AND EFFECT! PERIOD! NEITHER THE DAUGHTER NOR THE MOTHER CAN CHANGE THIS! GET TO A LAWYER AND GET THIS IN COURT! THERE IS NOTHING ELSE YOU CAN DO! YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOUR VISITATION WHETHER THE DAUGHTER/MOTHER LIKES IT OR NOT! YOU HAVE TO GET A LAWYER TO HELP YOU! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE!


#4

Again I asked this question in all of the forums because each forum contains different aspects for an answer. I wanted an emotional answer… emotionally should I…a legal answer…legally should I… and a parenting answer…should I as a parent. THEREFORE I aske in all three forums. If you don’t like reading it then skip my question. But others might like to give me answers based on the different forums. Thanks for you help…


#5

If your daughter were a little older (say 16), it may be a different situation but I would advise against allowing her to make this decision yet. I have a 14 yr old step son who is very mature for his age and realizes that he is still too young to make that decision.
Your daughter does need time with you and her other family members. There will not be another time for this connection to take place and your ex should not encourage her behavior by pretending that it is her decision.
There is no age in which a child can make that decision on their own but a teenager’s wishes will be taken into consideration more than a child’s. Essentially, your daughter, with her mother’s support is making the decision not to visit at all and that would not be allowed by the courts unless there is a determination of danger or neglect.
Just my opinion, but though it may make things difficult for the first couple days or so, there really is no choice but to force the visit and discuss it with her…


#6

Stepmother:
Thanks. That is pretty much what I think also. It is just hard to think of not seeing her verus having her be miserable because I made her come. Thanks for your good advice.


#7

I think compromise is the key. Legally, you are entitled. If I was 14, I wouldn’t want to spend a whole summer away from my friends… unless I could bring someone with me for a week.

Be creative and see your daughter.


#8

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your daughter is 13. She doesn’t want to come see you because all of her friends and activities are in NC. It’s nothing against you personally, it’s just the age. You could go see a lawyer and make her come, but do you really want her resenting having to come to your house to visit against her will?? Just asking.


#9

Age 13 is not a “legal age”. Divorce seems to give children too many “rights” and in this instance, the mother isn’t doing a darn thing to help! No. A teenager doesn’t want to do anything that a teenager doesn’t want to do, but since when do teeny bopper friends take precedent over a parent? Our society has become too “child centered” and is creating nothing but self-centered children! This father has a right to see his daughter. It’s in the agreement! The only reason the child resents it is because the mother perpetuates it and the child is a child!

I have an absolutely horrible relationship with my ex, but through not making “demands” and agreeing to the outrageous, my son sees this! He’s 15, but is more mature than his old man! Since I have been more than “agreeable” to ridiculous requests, my son now sees all that I have sacrificed and my child loves me more than anything on this earth and I return that love! The mother in this case needs to GROW UP!