Separation Phase and Child Custody


#1

I am pursuing a divorce from my husband. We have one child and my husband would like 50/50 custody however I would like primary custody with him having her every other weekend and am open to him seeing her throughout the week should he want to visit with her more often. I am more the “hands on parent” and caregiver that provides structure and am the one she wants and responds to. I am not out to take advantage of my husband however am thinking about moving out of state once the divorce is final. My husband of coarse can still have her every other weekend as I want him to always be a part of her life although I realize this makes it harder with her miles away. What are my options as far as custody and moving?


#2

As someone that commutes 190 miles one way, every other weekend, to pick up my kids for visitation… I can’t imagine how much more difficult a 500 mile one-way visitation would be. I’m not even sure this would be possible as even the gas bills would be approaching $400 a month, not to mention the commute time of 20ish hours per round trip, unless you can afford to fly twice a month. In my opinion, moving this far would basically make the visitation he has had up to this point impossible to maintain.


#3

While a court can consider adultery/morality in awarding child custody, it is but one factor, and in my experience in not heavily weighted in a custody determination.
You may move with the child if your husband agrees to the move, or you can file suit for custody and seek an order that allows you to move with the child.
I cannot say if you are handling the separation wisely or offer any further advice without knowing all of the facts surrounding your situation. The best advice I can offer is for you to meet with an attorney in your area for a consultation.


#4

From what I understand - Most judges do not like it when a parent moves far away making visitation impractical. You will have to prove that it is in the best interests of the children to move. Even if you quit your job here and move, he will argue that you did not HAVE to quit your job, that you did so by choice.

If you truly want your daughter to have both parents in her life, then what you’re describing does not sound reasonable. Essentially, you are saying one thing, but doing another.


#5

i am more concerned about contempt of court since it was ordered by a judge that i pay 1/2 of all out of pocket medical expenses. i am sure that it would ultimately be up to the judge but i am just trying to find out if i have a good defense if my ex-spouse were to try to take me to court for contempt?


#6

My apologies, I mis read and thought you had a Separation Agreement. What I suggest is that you file a motion to modify support to change the insurance provisions, this is the best way to ensure this issue is taken care of and to avoid contempt.


#7

Thank you for your replies. Flying is absolutely a possibility as he and I are both fully capable of doing/affording to do so and naturally, should I move out of state, I was thinking I would pay one weekend, he can pay the other. With skype and all the other advancements in technology, I feel we can make this work and she can know her dad very well. The reason for moving is largely due to a better opportunity for my daughter in the long run. I don’t know that I will pursue this, however, know there are huge stipulations with moving out of state in a situation like this and wanted to know my options. One attorney I spoke with said to fight for custody, alimony, child support and get all I can now and then it will be easier to bargain or negotiate later. I just don’t agree with that or feel it is the right thing to do. At all.


#8

Even though the opportunity may be better, the court may still see it as an unnecessary move. His rights as a father trumps your better opportunity, when you are already doing well here. Of course this can depend on the judge, but most don’t like parents to move away.

If you can work things out amicably between yourselves, then that is the best way to go. It’s cheaper, you’re more likely to get what you want and it’s less traumatic for the child. The second you two start fighting uncontrollably is the second two lawyers start banking a TON (read thousands if not 10’s of thousands) of your hard earned dollars. A lawyer around $300 an hour, with a single email or phone call being counted at 1/2 of an hour… you can do the math.

If you two are amicable you should look at getting collaborative divorce attorney.