In my situation, my STBE wife is on disability. We separated in Jan 2018 and I am counting down the days until i can file in 2019. I of course have moved and she is still at the marital residence. I am currently still paying mortgage, water, gas, and electricity bills, along with her car insurance AND medical insurance which is taxing on me. The agreement has yet to be signed because she is “trying to see how much her disability benefits will be” now that our daughter is 18.
In the agreement that is being “volleyed” back and forth right now, I want to simply pay her directly for spousal support. Right now she is using the fact that the bill accounts are still in my name to keep me paying. But I have told her time and time again that the legally binding agreement will hold me to my obligation.
She is also refusing to sell or buy me out of the house. Both our names are on the deed and I am solely on the loan. Now of course I do not want a foreclosure on my hands so I don’t know what to do. I am even wiling to give her over half of the equity after the sale of the home.
Here are my questions:
- Am I being too nice?
- How do I get out of the utilities that are in my name?
- Is there any legal action that she could take if I ended [utility] services after notifying her?
- How do I get her to sign the papers before I file?
(1) It is difficult to determine if you are being reasonable or not in your offers without knowing the full financial picture of the marital estate however, you offer to pay alimony directly to your wife and offer to divide the equity in half is, without knowing more, is reasonable.
(2) You would either need to shut off the utilities or she would need to transfer them into your name.
(3) Before you turn off the utilities, you should notify her in writing that you plan to turn them off on a certain date (giving 21-30 days notice is generally reasonable). However, she could use the fact that you shut off the utilities as a reason to file in court for postseparation support and alimony and say that you have failed to provide for her.
(4) If she is not agreeing to the terms and the negotiations are at a standstill, you would need to have a mediator in place or attend a binding arbitration. You can also file a claim for equitable distribution at the time you file for absolute divorce which would put the marital property issues before the court. It is important to note that once an absolute divorce is granted, you will be unable to ask the courts for help with equitable distribution unless there is an equitable distribution action pending at the time the absolute divorce is granted.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
Update:
I emailed her and let her know that I would be filing for absolute divorce at the beginning of the new year (Happy New Year!). I asked about the agreement and what we would do about the house. I explained the options of settling it together or to allow the court to decide (Equitable Distribution). I also did a breakdown of when each of the utilities’ billing/service cycle and when my last payment would be and she went totally silent. The only comment I received was “court”. I have no idea what it means and have attempted to get clarification with no response. I feel like I did everything the correct way, so we will see!
You may need to file for equitable distribution in court in order to make any progress in settling the distribution of the marital assets and debt. You can include that claim in your complaint for absolute divorce.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
So not only did she not respond to any of my messages and attempts to contact her, after she was served, she contacted me. She stated that the date of our separation was incorrect and also stated the severity of falsifying a court document (of which I’m aware the severity). However, I tried to contact her to come to some sort of agreement (as previously mentioned) and did not hear from her until now. I contacted the court and they told me that I can file for dismissal and wait until the agreed upon date, and file again which I plan to do.
My question is, would it be held against me to not pay what I have proposed (the mortgage, until the hose is sold and $200 for utilities) until we have come to an agreement?
I feel that this is all I have in my corner to get a resolution. If it is not smart, what should I do to get her to meet with a mediator or come to an agreement?
Without a court order or separation agreement, then you would have no court-ordered or contractual obligation to pay the mortgage and utilities. Keep in mind that if any of these are in your name, failure to pay could affect your credit.
If you are the supporting spouse and your wife is the dependent spouse, you should voluntarily pay some level of temporary support as you would have an obligation by law to provide support for your dependent spouse. Oftentimes this temporary support can be paying the mortgage and/or utilities.
As long as you are separated, you can file in court at any time for equitable distribution (but before the absolute divorce is granted). If you are not able to come to an agreement outside of court, filing in court will be your only option. Many districts have local rules that require mediation prior to a court hearing.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
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Crazier by the day! So my STBX contested the divorce after I filed. However, it was not before I filed for a dismissal of the trial. Her written reasons were 1. An agreement has not been made about the marital residence. 2. Spousal support and the separation agreement have not been finalized. 3. She claimed that I admitted to infidelity twice.
As you know from this thread, I have made attempts to come to terms on items #1 & #2 but she has not been cooperative. She waited until I filed to come out with all of this, after not replying to an email and letter I sent in December regarding the closure of utility accounts along with my plan to continue that support her until the agreement is signed. So she was well aware of what my intentions were. If that was her plan, SHE GOT ME. My questions are…
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Because I filed for dismissal on the 28th of January and she filed her contested statement on the 29th, we no longer have a court date, correct?
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She stated that she wants to keep the house and I continue to pay for it. How often is that ordered by the court, if ever?
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She has no evidence and it’s all hearsay. Plus, I also know that she had been unfaithful in our relationship because of messages I saw in the past, but I don’t have proof of that either. Does infidelity require proof in court?
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Correct. The dismissal was effective the date and time it was file stamped at the clerk’s office.
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For permanent resolutions, it is unlikely this would happen. Generally, whoever is keeping a house will need to assume financial responsibility for it. This kind of agreement is more common in temporary resolutions.
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Yes, you must prove illicit sexual behavior by inclination and opportunity. Inclination would be text messages, emails, Facebook messages, phone calls/logs, texts logs, etc. and opportunity would be hotel receipts, private investigator evidence that shows her with another man at a house overnight or going into a hotel and staying the night, etc. Generally you will need a combination of these types of evidence in order to successfully prove that the other spouse committed an act of illicit sexual behavior. A person making the adultery allegation must be able to prove it before the court can consider its impact on alimony.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
Update
So now I have heard from my STBX. She has been to an attorney she came back to me with this…
"Because you were the sole provider the entire marriage and I’m on disability it is not logical to have me and our daughter (stepdaughter) relocate. Economically, if I should have to find other housing that will only increase the amount of money that you would have to pay.
You’ve also provided healthcare so once the divorce is final and I’m no longer on your insurance the judge can grant me a medical stipend that would also make you jointly responsible for any healthcare premium that I have to purchase.
NC law states that alimony is to be granted for no less than half of the marriage and that would be four years. However, I can request a longer term with the judge due to my inability to work and fixed income.
My suggestion is to stay in the house until six months prior to the four year time period. There are things that you and I will be responsible for fixing prior to even placing it on the market. I’ve recently replaced the dishwasher and garbage disposal.
Overall agreement is for you to continue to pay the mortgage and give an additional $400.00 monthly to subsidize my insurance premium."
My question is, how much of this is realistic and accurate?
Some of this is not realistic and not accurate.
You may very well have an alimony obligation to your wife. If so, you can expect to pay her a sum each month for a specific term. True alimony is permanent and lifelong (with some exceptions) but this is unusual. In practice, alimony payments tend to be for about half the length of the marriage but there is no law or rule that requires this. The amount of alimony and the duration of alimony are all negotiable. NC does not have a worksheet or formula to determine alimony payments.
However, the points that your wife makes about her being on disability and not being able to have a self-sufficient earning capacity are factors that a judge would consider when making an alimony award. There are 16 factors that go into an alimony award and that can affect amount and duration.
Check out our Alimony Calculator to see what alimony could look like in your situation.
If you have an alimony obligation, it would be reasonable to expect to keep your wife on your health insurance until there is an absolute divorce. It would typically not be reasonable to require you to pay a portion of her health insurance after you are divorced, especially if you have an alimony obligation which continues past the time of divorce.
It would not be unreasonable for your wife to keep the marital residence but realistically, she will need to refinance the mortgage in order to remove your liability on it (assuming the mortgage is in your name or in your joint names). If she can’t refinance it or otherwise cannot afford it on her own with her disability and your alimony payments (assuming you have an alimony obligation), then the house will need to be sold. It’s not reasonable for her to keep the house for several years while you continue to pay all of the expenses.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
What is the worst that could happen if my STBX sues for ED? I think that I mentioned before that she wants me to pay mortgage while she remains in the residence, which is unreasonable. I tried to have conversation before court, but she was not cooperative. We went to court last Friday for Absolute Divorce and since she did not have a claim on file for ED, the judge must’ve felt sorry for her and she was granted continuation for her to file ED. Here are my questions.
- Will I be served once she files for the ED?
- Will I still be granted my divorce? (I just want to move on)
- Does ‘equitable’ typically mean 50/50, or since I was the sole provider am I entitled to more? (Doesn’t really matter because I wanted to give her all the equity after we paid off some debts).
- How long could the judge give us to place the house for sale (if that’s the case)? Does the judge decide how the house should be sold (I want to use Open Door)?
- Is an alimony hearing separate from all of the above?
(1) Yes, you must be served with anything she files in court, including a new equitable distribution (ED) claim.
(2) Yes, the absolute divorce can still be granted if the ED claim is pending.
(3) A 50/50 division of the marital assets is presumed to be equitable unless there are facts and circumstances present that show that equal is not equitable. It does not matter who the sole provider was during the marriage.
(4) Typically the parties will negotiate and agree on these details and most of the time these details can be resolved in mediation. But if not, there will be a trial and the judge will set time limits for the house to be placed on the market (the length of time is case-specific but generally 30-90 days is reasonable) and the judge may or may not grant your request to sell to Open Door.
(5) Yes, alimony is a completely separate issue from ED and from absolute divorce.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
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So I plan to continue paying the mortgage until the house is order to be sold, but my question is this. Would it hurt my case if I we’re no longer able to pay the extra $200 a month that I am currently sending to her? After all, she is the one that wants to remain in the house and is expecting that I pay mortgage and utilities because she cannot afford to refinance the home in her name.
Also, January will be 2 years since we separated. Once the divorce is final, how does that affect what I do in my personal life? If I am out on a date does that affect what could happen with alimony and property division? I do not want to give any unnecessary ammunition if that is the case.
If you stop paying your wife the extra $200 you’ve routinely paid in the past, that could be an indication to her that you have bad faith intentions to settle the pending issues and/or she may attempt to file an alimony claim against you. The best thing usually is to keep things status quo until there is a separation agreement or court order in place.
Once you are divorced, what you do in your personal life will have no effect on any pending alimony or equitable distribution claims.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.