STBX Refuses to Sell House / Allow Separation


#1

I want OUT. Too many years of verbal abuse. I wrote her I want a Separation PERIOD.
I said it would be best for our kids - with us not fighting. I listed all the things we should discuss.
I said No Lawyers, unless to Review anything before either of us signs.
I said “we can do this - as Civil, Mature Adults”. I said we do not need to retain Lawyers, spent Thousands of Dollars, neither of us has.
Heck we could not afford Hundreds of Dollars either. I said we could get as far as we can on the “non volitile issues” then pay for a mediator or get a third party person who is impartial to assist / referee on issues we can not agree on.
A few days later we spoke about all this.
She simply stated:

  1. She will Not sell the house - ever (as she and I are both on the Mortgage, I have to have her agreement to sell)
  2. She will NOT “sign” “Anything”.
    I asked not even a Sep Agreement - She said - “Nothing”.
  3. She said I will remain “Civil”, unless you push me to sell the house.
    OK…so Now what do I do ?
    What are my options (withOUT having to Retain a Lawyer ?).

My main concerns are:

  1. Ensuring my leaving does Not allow her to nail me for Abandonment.
    (I have not left yet)
  2. Get her to sell the house as quickly as we can. I pay ALL the Bills, including Mortgage. She does not Work - by CHOICE.
    I can’t afford paying for all the utilities, plus Mortgage after I leave (plus Alimony, Child Support too !).
  3. Open access to my children, which she will do everything in her power to lie & accuse me of being “not safe” for our children to be around.
    Kids - 14 & 6

#2

Unfortunately there are some cases where the best option is to hire a lawyer. I understand that no one really wants to spend the money on a lawyer, but in order to get your self out of this situation and protect your rights you should.

You cannot force your wife to agree to anything, and the courts provide an avenue towards resolution in cases like this.

If you want out, you may leave the house, and will then have to file a lawsuit for Equitable Distribution of martial property. The court can order that the house be sold, or if your wife wants to keep it, require that she refinance the loan into her sole and separate name. Leaving the home is not grounds for abandonment, as that term is somewhat archaic and really doesn’t hold weight in the court system these days, you must be living separate and apart before filing suit, so someone has to leave.

Your wife will likely be entitled to spousal support and child support, but it will not be in addition to your paying all the bills. The court will set an amount of support, and she will pay her expenses from that money.

As far as custody is concerned, if you and your wife cannot agree to a schedule, the court will set one, however it will not be open ended, you will have time with your children according to a schedule which is in their best interests.


#3

Erin -

First - YOU ARE AN ANGEL for us masses of uneducated in legal isses and bullied by myths and rumors of “what’s legal”.
THANK YOU for all your time spent assisting us masses.

Second - I went to see a Lawyer (un-named here) for a initial consult I had to pay for (what happened to “all these FREE Initial Consultations” that are supposedly out there?). I had a plan to leave on a cerain date, but my “friends” convinced me to see a Lawyer to ensure I had all my “ducks” in a row.
I paid my $100, I did not have to spare, and for an hour (to the minute) I was told - "You can NOT leave until you ensure you have covered Every Angle where your spouse can Nail you on Abandonment."
I asked for pointers, but once he realized I did not want to nor had the money to retain him, he just kept repeating himself as if I could not understand him.

This is where “us uneducated masses on legal matters” look to a Lawyer (the experts on the Law), and we are okay with what we are told, until as in my case, one Lawyer tells me “the sun is Hot” and the next says “the sun is Cold”.

Personally - If I had to choose between the guy I saw and you. I trust you 100% more. But now I need to (as “us masses” always should) RESEARCH all this for myself, so I have FIRST HAND knowledge versus “she said / he said”.

I do not “despise” Lawyers. I value their knowledge. However they are outside my league of affordability. Plus I got BURNT a few years ago, when I told “xyz” lawyer, this is the ONE thing I’m after. I trusted him to have the Legal Knowledge to tell me if what I was after was POSSIBLE or worth the money I had to spend ($5,000). He burnt through $10,000 of my money and I got NOTHING in return. So now I want “evidence” (my own research) on anything a Lawyer tells me.

Again - THANK You for your valuable time in assisting us. (sincerely).

How Did I Get Here? (aka How the Hell Do I Get Out of Here?)

: - )


#4

Attorneys all have differing opinions as to what needs to be done before a spouse leaves the home, but again the abandonment issue is not something you need to be concerned about. So long as you ensure your spouse and the children are not evicted from the house and have lights and running water, your leaving is not going to cause the courts to punish you.

Someone has to leave before an action can even be filed.

I am sorry your experience with lawyers has been less than great over the years, however I still would urge you to find a lawyer that you do trust to help you through this case. Domestic cases are different than any other case as it affects every aspect of your life now and in the future.

I wish you the very best.


#5

Attorneys all have differing opinions as to what needs to be done before a spouse leaves the home, but again the abandonment issue is not something you need to be concerned about. So long as you ensure your spouse and the children are not evicted from the house and have lights and running water, your leaving is not going to cause the courts to punish you.

Someone has to leave before an action can even be filed.

I am sorry your experience with lawyers has been less than great over the years, however I still would urge you to find a lawyer that you do trust to help you through this case. Domestic cases are different than any other case as it affects every aspect of your life now and in the future.

I wish you the very best.