Where to start with kids?


#1

I don’t know where to start? Just starting research and gathering information of what to do. I’m at the point in my marriage that i’m just not happy and I need to move on. I’m the one walking away, and i’m the main income earner, so I know I will pay for it in alimony and child support payments etc…

Does the separation have to be a legal document? Or can I just move out to another residence, and change my mailing address to show proof. Then a year later file legal documents.

How does it work with kids. I’m pretty sure 2 of my 3 kids would honestly choose to live with me full time. I don’t think its right to say i’m leaving and taking kids with me. (there is no abuse, violence, or any unsafe conditions) Do I leave then negotiate kids. I would be fine with 50/50 custody, but how do I get to that point, as step one is me leaving, or is it all part of step one.

Just looking for knowledge.


#2

When you decide to separate, you’ll need to think about these four issues: equitable distribution (dividing the marital property), child custody, child support, and alimony. All of these issues can be settled out of court in a separation agreement or can go through litigation.

There is no legal document for separation. You do not need to do anything other than start living separate and apart. Spouses must live in two separate residences. Your sworn testimony or sworn affidavit for an absolute divorce will prove that you’ve been separated for at least one year, so it is important to remember the exact date of separation (i.e. the exact date that you and your spouse began living separate and apart).

You can move out, but be careful not to put yourself in an abandonment situation. Abandonment is a form of marital misconduct. Take a look at our article What is Abandonment? for more information.

Typically, the “norm” for child custody is joint custody, or 50/50 like you mentioned. You and your spouse will need to negotiate a schedule that is best for the children. The best interests of the children is the standard in NC for determining child custody arrangements. The schedule you come up with can be temporary until a more permanent schedule is determined.

Some people decide to have all issues settled (by way of a separation agreement) prior to actually separating. That way, it is clear who will take what property, who will pay what debt, how the children’s expenses will be paid, when the children are with each parent, etc. Sometimes, this is not practical and a separation must occur first.

Sometimes people choose to discuss these marital issues with their spouse before involving lawyers or the court but others will involve a lawyer first. This is personal preference and depends on each person’s individual situation.

Check out our free Webinars. You may find these to be helpful resources as you begin your research.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#3

Thanks so much for the info. I have already watched the 50 in 50 webinar, and reading other posts to gather info.

On abandonment, I know she wont agree to me leaving, and justification can be looked at two different ways. We’ve been to counseling over the past year, and it helped for a little while, then its back to the same patterns. I’m just ready to move on, as much as it will hurt, I need to find happiness. Its not where i’m at now.

A side question, does it matter what lawyer office I consult with. should I see a lawyer that is in the county I live, or whatever in convenient to me. As i think a consult would help me in all this as well.


#4

You do not have to meet with a lawyer located in the county you live in. Some lawyers travel to counties beyond the one their practice is in.

If you schedule an appointment with a lawyer in a county other than the one you reside, ensure that the lawyer travels to your county first.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.