3 Daughters- One Bedroom


#1

I’m afraid that little can be done with this situation. Your ex could file a complaint for contempt against you for the visitation schedule not being followed but with your daughter being 15 the courts know that it is unlikely for teenagers to follow the schedule if they do not want to. I would suggest that your daughter’s decide what they want to do as far as visitations go and talk with the ex. Have them tell him if they are uncomfortable and would rather not stay with him in that situation. At this point, at least for the older ones, it’s really up to them to spend time with their father. As far as the younger one goes, I’m not sure that there could be a good argument he could bring to the courts. You are not keeping her from visiting him, you are just not enforcing it since she’s expressed her discomfort.
She really should handle the situation the best she can and spend time with him. If she’s that uncomfortable with it, she could suggest to him that she will visit for the day but not stay the night. That’s just my opinion though. Good luck


#2

Thanks for the input. That is pretty much exactly how we are dealing with the situation. The girls go over for dinner, or for an afternoon, or for whatever time they are comfortable. They just do not stay the night, because there is no room. I encourage them to do what they are comfortable with, and do not say anything negative about him. I just do not get why he will not get a two bedroom apartment when he can well afford it… I suppose it is best to just keep it low key and civiiized.


#3

You say he can afford it but do you really know that? My ex always accused me of having all this money when I really didn’t. Maybe he has more bills to pay than you know about…


#4

Another thing to think about is that if he sees the “girls” every other weekend it’s really more cost efficient for him not to pay for the extra room for only 4 nights a month, even if he CAN afford. Maybe he’s saving the extra money for retirement or paying bills that you aren’t aware of as Vendico suggested?
My husband lost all his savings, which was for retirement, when he got divorced and now he’s really having to watch closely on the spending. His ex still makes comments to him about being loaded or that she knows he can afford to give her extra money on top of the $500 he pays a month in child support. They have joint legal and physical custody with equal time week to week and she still wants him to split everything with her. She doesn’t seem to understand that she came out of the divorce debt free, but someone had to pay those debts off…
Maybe the suggestion should be that your ex sleep in the living room and they take the bed???


#5

You all make compelling points. Thank you for your thoughts. But gosh, darn, maybe I am pushy, but I just think the priority should be a comfortable living arrangement when parents and children are of the opposite sex – not fancy – not high end – just a bedroom with some privacy where they could feel “respectable.” At least for the next two years. I am pretty sure money is not the issue, since he also received nearly $100,000 in equity from the house when we split. But I have been wrong before! And your points are very valid. Thanks again. These forums are great for hearing multiple points of view.


#6

Dear Lighthouse1:

Greetings. Yes, you can file a claim for child custody that may require that he have an appropriate bed for the 15 year old, although it may be the case that if he is helping with college expenses, paying child support, and paying some marital debts that he cannot pay for more right now. The 18 and 21 year old don’t have to go to his home (and neither does not the 15 year old technically) if they don’t want to. The 15 year old would have to go if the court does not order her to. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
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919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#7

Need advice… My ex-husband (of two years now) lives in a one bedroom apartment. However, we have 3 daughters (20, 18 and 15) and joint custody (now only applies to the 15 year old). When they visit, they have to sleep in the living room. He makes a decent salary, about $55,000 a year, and pays me $432.00 a month child support. He claims he is unable to afford a larger apartment, even though his rent is less than $600 a month. Is there anything I can do to legally make him get a living arrangement that will place the girls in an actual bedroom? I have tried not to make a big deal out of it, but it seems ridiculus and the girls are uncomfortable with the situation. So, even though he is supposed to have custody every other weekend, it very rarely happens, because they do not want to sleep in the living room! I do not push it at all, and have just let them stay home.