Back Child Support

I don’t believe you can since you two had an agreement. Now, you could possibly get back child support if you filed through the courts for child support and had no written agreement. But the ex probably has records of where he paid you support and will be willing to testify that there was an agreement even though it was verbal.
To me this would mean that though you may get an increase after the court date, the courts would wonder why the agreed amount is suddenly not enough once you found out that you could get more…just my opinion though

I’m not an attorney so don’t take this as gospel.

I believe that if there is no court order for child support that any money your STBX has been paying will be considered a gift as opposed to child support (unless he’s specifically written child support in the memo on the check). If you decide to have the court order child support based on the guidelines I believe that the court will say that your STBX is in arrears and owes back child support (assuming they don’t claim STBX’s prior payments to you was a gift).

You both realize that circumstances are changing soon and that the amount STBX has been paying will need to increase. I’m inferring from your post that STBX has paid regularly/on-time based on the verbal agreement and that there is no objection to increasing the payment.

I’m just curious why you’re interested in getting back child support now that your realize you could have been getting more money if you’d been following the guidelines all along? That doesn’t seem to be fair to your STBX and by asking him to pay back child support you may end up making an amicable situation not so amicable. You had a verbal agreement that worked/works well. Why stir things up? Quite frankly, this makes you look like a money grubber.

You both agreed on the amount given you, a good one my ex so greedy that she agreed to $200.00/m for 2 children in the sep agg there was none we have 50/50 all the time but she wanted this amount and put it in the court order and she cannot do nothing for 3 yrs. Now should I pay her I say no why I pay for everything else yes I know its based out on income, when you have a cash and carry job like she has how can you should income very hard to prove but thats ok with me as long as the children are ok.
I am sure the STBX is covering his butt by saying CS when he pays you if not very foolish on his side and it may cost him.
Good one stepmother about the last statement about why going to court it will make the court think why I like that and the court will know why this is happening.

I guess I should say that he pays the money directly to the daycare providers which is fine by me. I’ve been telling him all along that he should do more, but he keeps saying that he can’t afford to because he has to pay the mortgage (he refused to leave the house but he wanted a divorce so that he can marry his now-pregnant girlfriend). I just don’t understand why I should be the one suffering because he can’t afford to wine & dine his girlfriend, pay the mortgage, and take care of his kids the way he should.

Ok now, with more information this is a different scenario. If your stbx is not paying YOU then yes he could owe you back child support from the date of separation, if you filed through the courts. If he is paying directly for daycare then that would go towards his child support on the calculator. The courts do not care if he has to work two jobs to pay his mortgage as long as the children are taken care of.
Just a suggestion but if you do decide to do this…do not state that it is because you realized he should be paying more, that just sounds bad. You should say that you didn’t realize he should be paying you child support until you did some research. He can show that he’s been paying the daycare but that is only a portion of child support not the total amount.

Another greedy mom, the best thing you both have done is communicated about money without any confusion but someone has whispered in your ear that you can get more, You should be thankful that hes still a father in your childs life but its almost a gaurentee that you go after more money you will surely lose the best thing going for your child and you must consider he just might ask for custody for himself, visitation for him might increase and what hes paying you might decrease, this is the best slogan for your situation" Why try to fix whats not broken"

If her stbx has not been paying her but only paying daycare then he has NOT been paying child support. Day care is only a portion of child care cost and if she files for child support to be able to care for her child then she is NOT being greedy. It does not sound to me like they communicated at all. It sounds to me like he offered to pay for day care but nothing else. ANY parent will tell you that day care is a small portion of the amount that it takes to raise a child. If he is not doing his part as some of you fathers do then she should seek help through the courts. If you read her second post carefully, you will see that he has NOT been paying HER at all so that amount can not decrease and if she has had primary custody up to this point, they are not divorced and his girlfriend is pregnant, it is unlikely that custody would change. His visitations may increase but we all know that custody and child support are two separate issues.
The other suggestion would be to discuss with him again and let him know what the guidelines suggest he should be paying to you. Make sure to include the day care cost on his side when you run the calculator

Maybe she needs to be more clear because based on her second post hes still at the marital address paying bills and supporting the family and at the same time seeing another woman with her knowledge meaning(for court purposes) she is condoning the behavior. She need to leave the martial home and sue him for bed an board, and then seek child support.

Now that I’ve read that he’s only paying for daycare, I agree with Stepmother. The STBX ISN’T supporting his children financially. She should take him to court for CS because he hasn’t been paying it. And I can assure you, the Judge ain’t gonna care that he’s got a mortgage to pay or a pregnant girlfriend.

Oh, so you left the house and took the child so I gues the question is how often does the child stays with the father

I have a feeling it should go through the courts reguardless. Once the one paying child support starts saying… I have this to pay, I have that to pay, I now have this responsibility… it will go downhill from there. I am in no way saying all payers are like this, but the majority are. The child support doesn’t seem to be all that inportant to the parent who doesn’t see to the day to day of raising a kid. Before the kid even takes a bite of food, there is insurance, child care(depending on age), transportation, roof over their head, lights, dental, clothes… etc The stuff that come before all the “wants” the NCP seems to have the money for, but not the money for the real price of raising kids. If her STEX is already calling foul and this is the first renegotioation and they have been seperated for less than 6 months, it could get bumpy for her.

Bottom line is that he owes her child support. Yes it sounds as though she left the marital home because he refused to. He is stil at the marital home paying the bills, but he is NOT supporting his family. He is paying day care ONLY. She took the child with her.
He has a girlfriend that is now pregnant with her knowledge but not necessarily her permission. She would only be condoning (for court purposes) the behavior if she has sex with him after having knowledge of him having sex with someone else. This all really has nothing to do with her question.
If he has not paid her child support since they separated, then yes she may be entitled to back child support, regardless of what their verbal agreement said. That would be up to the courts to decide whether or not him paying day care cost is enough. Most couples have a verbal agreement when they separate that they will do this, pay that or will leave this and not pay that…it’s the way it happens. There’s nothing wrong with this but if she files for child support, the court will require that the child support begin at the time of separation. If he tells the court that they had a verbal agreement that he would pay child care directly then more than likely he will be asked what amount he paid to her in addition to this.

If you file a lawsuit for Child Support you can receive retroactive child support from the date that you separated.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

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Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
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Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780


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I just wanted to thank everyone for their input. You are correct in that I left the marital home and took BOTH of my children with me because he refused to leave even though he didn’t want to be married anymore. I have tried sharing with him what NC says he should be paying me for child support, but he says that he just doesn’t have it right now. His girlfriend has since had a miscarriage (no woman should have to endure that pain), and he now wants to increase his visitation in order to reduce the amount that he would have to pay me. I have agreed to the new visitation schedule, but I am still upset about the back child support that he should have been paying. Do I need to have an attorney to sue him for back support?

My STBX and I have been separated since February 1, 2007. We had an “agreement” between the two of us regarding how much child support he would pay. Since the daycare situation will be changing next month, we revisited the agreement and revised it based on NC guidelines…still just an agreement between us. When doing this, I realized that since February he had not been contributing enough per NC guidelines. Can I get back child support from the date of separation if I file through the courts?