Child care question


Dear CamillaCat:

Greetings. First, you can modify child support through the child support enforcement agency for free (or very low cost).

My suggestion is that you start to demand that she place the child in approved daycare. The other option is to ask her how much she wants and pay that amount (or close to it) by agreement - as long as you have it in writing - court order or modified agreement). Have the order read that you will pay X amount, including day care, as long as the child is enrolled and attends on a daily basis, but will pay XY amount if the child is not attending the said daycare or another which you approve of in writing prior to enrollment. If you pay directly to the provider, you pay more support, since she likely gets the tax deduction.

Specifically to your questions:

  1. Yes, you may be held liable for the court, since Grandma does deserve some funds for watching the child, but it is unlikely in my opinion. Agree now to send grandma some money in a letter marked negotiations.

  2. You can, but I do not advise this for the tax reasons I raised above.

Good luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


I’ll try to make this as short and simple as possible :slight_smile:

My husband pays child support that was calculated 2.5 yrs ago, and he pays extra for his daughter to attend private schooling. 6 months after this CS mod. was done, the ex pulled daughter out of private schooling and she attends public school now.

We know we could have done a CS mod, but never bothered due to not wanting to deal with the hassel of going back to court, attorney fees, stress, etc etc.

Since then we have not been aware of any after school child care program the child has attended. Her grandmother has always picked her up from school and kept her during the summers. EX has never mentioned she pays her mom (the grandmother) and my husband says he knows that family and that he is 99% sure the grandmother would never accept money for child care from the EX.

The new CS mod date is approaching, and now EX says that she wants us to pay for child care. She SAYS she pays the grandmother for child care. She can not come up with receipts and IF she does pay, she pays in cash and can not come up with cancelled checks regarding this issue.

Soo…we do not believe the EX pays for child care (but that she will say she does pay to get extra money in her child support payment). But… if we do have to pay for child care in the new mod, we would prefer to pay directly to the provider (EX says she will put daughter in an ‘official’ child care program just to prove she pays, but of course she will take her out as soon as the new mod. is established so that she can pocket the extra cash.).

My questions are:
1.) Can we be liable for paying child care to the grandmother even if EX can not come up with receipts or cancelled checks proving that she does pay? Like I said, we do not believe she pays the grandmother, doesn’t she have to PROVE that she pays child care?

2.) Can we get the order modified so that if we do pay child care, that it goes directly to the provider and not to EX herself (thus avoiding the situation where she can just pocket the extra if daughter is not attending child care?)

Thanks, this board has been very informative and I appreciate any insight!