this site will help with the child support. You do not need an attorney. It costs 25.00 to file a claim. They take care of all the notification, enforcement, and accounting for child support. I would see if I could tape record him saying all these things to you. As far as custody, until there is an order you both have custody. Prepare a seperation agreement. Even if he doesn’t sign, it will show that you were trying to be proactive and he was just being petty. If he refuses to sign, you will have to file for custody in order to have a schedule/custody agreement. I filed in the county I live in so I don’t know the protocol for filing in a seperate county. As far as you “forcing” him to move to his momma’s… that will be his choice. BUT if he intentionally decreases income, he will be forced to pay child support on the income he COULD make. My ex is “required” to pay 499.00 a month. He has no income and isn;t looking for a job. He supposedly has a medical reason for not working, but he hasn;t been able to get disability or do anything to “repair” the back problem. After the last 18 months of only getting payments when we go to court, the judge is growing weary of his excuses. I have a feeling the next time we go before the judge, things will not be as lenient in his favor. Just because you are supposed to get child support, it can be a long stressful road to actually collecting it. Some good news though, if he’s in arears you will get his tax returns, and the debt can’t be erased by bankrupcy. Good luck to you.
First of all, he doesn’t get a choice about child support. Unless you both make the exact same amount of money, one of you will pay child support to the other.
Secondly, why would you wanting a separation be forcing him to move and work a lesser paying job? He’s threatening to quit his job so that you will not get child support…that will not work in court. They can and will use his earning potential if you can show that he left this job to avoid paying child support.
Lastly, he doesn’t have to agree to a divorce. Once you are separated one year and one day, you can file for absolute divorce regardless of whether the other party consents or you have an agreement in place. The agreement is designed to keep all this from going to court.
The only way to get a court order is to file for custody, and go to court. For that I suggest that if you do not want to put the money out for a lawyer, there are kits that you can use, I think even on this site, that are for do-it-yourself divorces. If your ex is refusing this to avoid paying child support instead of actually wanting his children with him, then that reasoning will not work in court either. Most of the time the courts can tell when someone is sincere about wanting what’s best for their children and trying to get out of their responsibilities.
I don’t know about DSS except that it has to be where you are a resident. My husband’s ex uses DSS and I believe that they go by state guidelines, though my husband pays more than that by their agreement.
Hope this helps some. Good Luck!
Thank you both for your wonderful information. One clarification… do I have to wait to file for the child support until I’ve physically moved out (or he moves, which isn’t going to happen)? Or can I file now, since I will be out of the house by 12/1?
I believe that you would file after your separation has begun.
call the local office. You may be able to go ahead and get the paperwork ready to submit on the day of seperation.
Also, I would file it in Cabarrus County where you live.
You should not go to DSS, they are not the proper agency to help you with your issues. You need to file an action for custody in the county where you live, child support enforcement can assist you in seeking child support. I would advise you to at least schedule an initial consultation with an attorney who can talk to you about all the different settlement options, some of which do not involve court at all, and give you some information regarding the litigation process. There is also additional information regarding custody litigation available on our website.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax
301 McCullough Drive
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044
Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
I would agree on the attorney route… Although it can cost you some money, it would be worth it… I used Child Support Enforcement and ended up on trial somehow, with my ex’s errogant attorney convincing a judge that I purposely lost my job. (a job I loved and maintained for 2 yrs… one i only lost when my child took ill and my SOB ex refused to help me take care of her)
CSE does not allow an attorney-client relationship… So here I am on trial and my repersenting attorney has no idea what’s going on because he’s only seen my case folder that morning before court… Mind you he was representing about 50 other people that same day who’s folders he also had never seen…
Just be careful. I’m not sure what I’m to do next or when i can even go back to court… All I know is my Military spouse Profits $1200 a month on our daughter that he’s only visited twice in the last 2 years, while I recieve $300.00 a month from him… Wait, excuse me… I was ordered 300 a month from him back in August this year, I have yet to actually “recieve” anything. … … good luck.
head in a tizzy
Leighasmom… it was my understanding that if your ex recieves a family stipidend for your child, it would go to you directly from the military… this is how it worked with my momma and my stepbrother. I may be mistaken, but I’d check into it.
I spoke to the command about that as well… All they say is that because we have joint custody, they are required to give him that amount… however, he doesnt exercise his vistation rights… I’ve been keeping a journal evern since he and I split ways… he’s seen her twice in the last 2 yrs and I’ve been documenting every broken promise inbetween…
head in a tizzy
with that information, why not file for full custody?
I was informed that if he shows any interest in seeing his child I would not recieve full custody… if that isnt correct… then maybe that is what I should do. I know for fact his defense will be that because he is military he can not see her all the time… as for the past 2 yrs that has been his excuse for not coming to visit "oh I have duty… " “we have to go to the field…” “deployment is coming up and I want to go see my girlfriend…” etc. etc. i just dont know that i would have a case there… please correct me if i’m wrong though… I’d rather not spend my every other weekend waiting to see if he may or may not show up…
head in a tizzy
You have a diary of missed visitation and the excuses he used to miss the visitation. Can you contact his superior and get his work schedule? The fact is, if he is in the area and chooses not to see his child, he is showing lack of intrest. If he was deployed, that is a different story. But if he was stateside, stationed close enough to make the trip, and CHOSE to spend his time elsewhere, then that is enough to file for full custody. He will still have visitation, but not half custody. That means the military will send you the child stipidend (spelling?) directly. Talk to an attorney and see if you have a chance at this.
Thank you so much for your help… He is deployed now… but it’s only been a couple months… the last year and a half he was only 30 mins down the road… ty
head in a tizzy
You probably remember my other posts about my STBX not leaving, and being abusive… So, my STBX says that he hasn’t really left, and is coming back into the house (he is a truck driver and is normally gone Sun-Fri, and we were taking turns in the house every other weekend so the kids didn’t have to move back and forth). So, as you’ve all helped me to see, the only way to actually start the separation will be for me to move, and I’ll have to take the kids with me. So, here is my question. Without going to a lawyer, how do I get the court to order child support and custody? Is going to DSS the only way? Does this have to be done in the county we live in, Cabarrus, or can it be done in the county I work in, Mecklenburg? I don’t want to go to DSS, because all the people I know that have gone to them for child support received about 1/2 of what the child support calculator says awarded to them. My STBX told me today that he will never sign separation and child support papers and he will never agree to a divorce (I told him that didn’t matter). He also said that I was forcing him to move to Wilmington (where his mom is) and take a job making less than 1/2 of what he is making now, and I’ll never get anything from him. Ever.
What’s my next step? You’ve all been so helpful; this has all probably been asked and answered many times. I appreciate you taking the time to answer it again.