Child Visitation

Sadly, this court ruling is correct. The school has custody during school hours. This is why there is so much paperwork for the parents to sign. Who to contact in case of emergency…who picks them up… be notified if a child is leaving school grounds and a note required when the child is absent. You would think that this would be special circumstances due to that the school is also your daughter’s employer but I don’t think that in any other instance your grandson would be treated differently.
The school could ask that he not visit the children or limit the number of visits that he is allowed, but your daughter can not do that. She could request from her employer that her ex husband not be allowed on school grounds while she is there but that may require a no contact order which would be difficult for her to get if he is there to see his children and not her…

Unless hes coming to the school ad eing disruptive and rude the schol has no reason to stop him from visiting the school I think you don’t know the whole story. Maybe if your daughter trying to make it difficult for the father everything will work itself out, hes trying to see his kids not your daughter. Unless hes been adusive to his children then she should stop the maddness.

Is there a SPECIFIC reason why she doesn’t want her kids to visit extra with their Dad? In my opinion, having the Dad participate in school activities (such as class parent/helper, lunch buddy, library reader) is a wonderful way to keep in touch with the children’s daily life and should be encouraged.

If the father is coming to the school and taking the child out of normal routine (like taking him out of class in order to visit with him), then I can see that it would be disruptive.

I frequently took my lunch time to go eat with my kids and the schools encouraged it. Unless there is a reason (abuse, mean behaviour…) why the Dad should not be there, I don’t see how the school can make him leave just because the ex wife doesn’t want him there. That doesn’t sound very fair at all.

You know, I agree with FATHERDORIGHT, in a sense.
My children are currently separated from their stepfather (my current husband), because he is deployed to Iraq. Their behavior for the first month after he left was out-of-this-world. I mean, truly deviant.
Now they have settled into more of a routine. BUT, when they talk to him on the phone, they are out of control hellions for about twelve hours afterwards. It is NOT because he is such an evil disruptive force that it rubs off on them and it makes them miserable for hours afterwards for having to deal with him. It’s because they MISS him so much.
Their emotions are awry without their father consistently in their life, and they show in the only way they know how - by acting out and misbehaving. One is 5.5 and the other is 2.5, and their tiny little hearts and minds have a LOT to digest with this new huge change in their life. THey’re ok during the week when they don’t talk to Daddy. But during the Saturday/Sunday phone calls, it takes a full day for them to calm down and come to grips with the sadness they experience in talking to their daddy (the only dad they’ve ever really had) and knowing he won’t be there to sing “Spongebob” theme song at bedtime.
Your grandson’s destruction is not necessarily the father’s “fault.” It could easily be a by-product of the divorce and the new circumstances in your grandson’s life that he’s acting like this after his Dad visits. Granted, I do NOT know the whole story and maybe Dad is disruptive and emotionally unhealthy… but now that I’ve had this experience of my children being separated from a healthy, loving parent-figure and reacting the exact same way I’ve heard described from other separated parents, I realize (with the help of the family counselor :wink: ) that negative behavior doesn’t necessarily mean negative influence when it comes to parental separation.

I agree totally with IVY.

I do know that some school systems have a counseling group in the school for children of divorced parents. It’s done during school hours kind of like a ‘class time’. My friend had both her children go through that and it seemed to help a lot. The children saw that there were others going through divorce too and that they weren’t alone. Your grandchildren are at vulnerable ages for divorce. The parents need to cut each other some slack and work together to provide a loving and supportive system dispite the fact they don’t live together. They shouldn’t let their personal issues interfer or involve their kids.

The difference with this whole situation is that your daughter works at the school. If you take that out of the equation then would there still be an issue?
Ivyalmighty brought up a good point. My stepsons are still out of control the first two days they are with us after spending the week at their mother’s and they have had years to get used to this. After a couple of days they get back into our routine and things go more smoothly. They spend a week with us and then a week at their mom’s and I can tell you that they lead do two separate lives. They can do and say things at their mother’s that they can not with us and there are things that they have to do with us that their mother doesn’t make them do. Their mother works nights so they see her only for a couple of hours and then are left in the care of either her mother or her boyfriend, who both live with her, to get their homework done, make them bathe correctly and brush their teeth. Basically, they act one way with their father and one way with their mother. It feels to me as though we are constantly retraining, or reteaching…
The first year after their parents divorce the youngest went to a counseling for a while. After 2 years of sleeping in his own room he started being afraid of the dark again after their separation. He was worried constantly about one of them dying. I believe that children revert to behavior that they had before when something drastic happens in their lives.
The most important thing to remember is that the children are going through the divorce also, but they are too young to understand or deal with the emotions that come with divorce. Just because your daughter is no longer going to be married to him doesn’t change the fact that he is their father and that they love him. They need to work together to raise their children separately. Maybe he could talk to his son about the disruptive behavior after his visits?

I know this situation referred to. The father was having gay liaisons at home with other men unknown to the mother during her work days and while she was away. She was totally unaware of what was going on. One child, the older one, unable to talk, began to show signs of possible molestation. He began to have an extreme fear of men he did not know. Because of problems with talking, he was not able to tell anyone what was happening. The father had these children in his presence during many of these times. Plus the father admitted in court that he was addicted to gay pornography. He would look at it while the children, or at least, this one child was in the room with him. This same child was placed in special counseling and the counselor testified in court that she felt the children were in danger while they were alone in his presence. The father had a very unethical attorney that was willing to take whatever was said and twist it around. No one seemed to want to listen to the counselor. When DSS was notified, one individual said that the child was too young to know right from wrong. This same DSS individual said that because the mother and family were Christians, their views were skewed. Later the father was fired from another job. It was told through a reliable source that he was caught for the second time using cocaine on the job. Plus, the youngest child came home from visitation injured enough to see a doctor. This child said daddy did it. However, he clammed up when he saw the doctor. Everything was blamed by the father on the older child. The next individual from DSS investigating stated after interviewing the father, who denied everything, that she truly believed that the father was doing the drugs and possibly had been the cause of the injury. However, they could not prove it at that time. So they dropped it telling the mother to call them again if anything happened. Later there was another incident injuring the same child, now older, and the child then told the doctor that daddy did it. The mother said she was going to call DSS again. She did and they would not even take the case because there were no obvious outward bruises. The injury was bad enough that the doctor sent the child for Xrays. It was determined that the child had a severe muscle strain and possible bruised ribs. Still not enough for DSS to take it. These are some of the reasons why the mother doesn’t agree to any additional visitation. The older child is not the same for several days after their visitations. The father hasn’t even tried to visit the children at school this year since the court order until recently. Last year when the father would just show up at school, the older child’s behavior became disruptive and he would not listen to his teachers. So you can see, there is a lot more to this story than just trying to keep a father from being active in his son’s life at school and other places.

I’m a strong believer of doing what is in the best interest of your child, sometime the court system wants the worst thing to happen before they make a decision but as a parent I wno’t wait untill then I can make my own decision, so protect your child by all means necessary and make sure you have proof of every accusation you make and believe me “Go Will Make A Way”.

I was hoping to see a post from one of the attorneys by now. Is more information needed to get a reply?

The school board must follow what the court order says. If the court order mentions nothing about school then that is why they have interpreted the order the way that they have. If your daughter does not want him to visit at school, she will need to modify the current custody order.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

My daughter, an elementary school teacher, has sole legal custody of her two children (boys-ages 6 and 4). Her custody order states specific visitation provisions for the non-custodial parent (her ex-husband). In addition to the specified visitation provisions, the order states, “and other visitation as agreed upon by both parents.”

Her ex wants to visit the six-year old during the school day where he attends kindergarten (also where my daughter teaches) and the pre-school (mother’s morning out) where the four-year old attends. The kindergarten is at a public school, and the pre-school is at our church. Because her sons’ behavior becomes extremely disruptive during the day, and sometimes for a day or two after his father spends time with them, my daughter does not agree to her ex visiting with her sons at school (or pre-school), at a time not designated as visitation time by the court order. According to the Union County school board attorney, he was advised by a family law attorney in Monroe, NC, thaat my daughter does not have “custody” of her son while he is on the school grounds, that the school (or the state/county) has custody. Therefore, according to the attorney, she has no say in whether or not her ex comes to visit her son during the school day.

I’m sure that, if my grandson damaged something during the school day, the state/county would quickly relinquish its “custody” of him for his mother to have responsibility for the damage. It seems to me that this is simply a school board attorney that is afraid to rock the boat and stand up to a father who doesn’t care if he disrupts the school day for his son.

Is this ruling correct, or is it bogus? [Union County, according to attorneys we contacted in Mecklenburg County, operates on the “good ol’ boy system” that is extremely unfriendly to “foreign” attorneys from outside Union County.] If it is correct, would it also apply to the pre-school at our church? Thank you.