I guess your post also raises some questions and I would post this on the legal part of the forum instead. How did a 13 yr old leave at midnight to go to your ex’s. Walk? Ride his bike? Get picked up? Why would you think that the judge would give your ex “full custody”. Does your court order state and actually spell out that you have to pay for 1/2 all of these additional expenses? How long has it been since you got this order for child support? If you believe that circumstances have changed by at least 15% (cost/income/medical insurance/extraordinary expenses) then you can file a motion to modify support and don’t need a lawyer to do this. It also sounds as though there are some issues w/ this adolescent boy which need to be addressed. Many kids have parents who work full-time, it is unrealistic that he expects you to be at every sporting event. Remember, child support is supposed to be supporting the child - not you.
The way my situation panned out, my expenses were based solely on the amount of allowance I received from the ex during the marriage (to pay the routine household bills…nothing extra.) This amount was set and included the amount of child support that I receive… and my salary…the child support is more than the alimony. My son walked to his father’s house…3/4 of a mile away. I followed him in my car asking him to return home.
If you have joint custody then your son’s father should in no way be able to have the police get your son’s possessions from your home. It sounds as though you are trying to do what you can to reduce your expenses. If your ex files for primary custody he would have to show why it would be better for your son to live with him primarily. It may be a chance for you also to get the agreement about paying for 50% the extra curricular activities that your ex signs up your son for on your time changed. Finacial reasons are not necessarily a reason the court looks at. The move you are about to make would only be a reason if you are moving far enough away from the ex to make joint custody impossible. Your son can not make this decision on his own unless you agree to it. Make sure that you go to any court dates so that you can be heard.
I can understand how difficult your situation is. The way I see it, you only have a few options right now. One you can continue how you have been but talk to your son. Let him know that having him in your life means more than any amount of money. Make sure that he understands that you did not agree to joint custody because of the money but because you want to be an equal part of his life. He may have to do without some of the things that his father can afford while with you but he should learn that you have things to offer his life that his father can’t give him.
The other option is to talk to your ex and agree to give him primary custody. Make sure that any agreement that you look at has a set amount that would be paid in child support, no extras. With the difference in salaries it may not be a great deal. Make sure that any agreement has set days and time of scheduled visits and specific details. Make sure that when you let your son know that you are doing this it is because you care about his happiness more than your own. You want him to have what you can not provide for him and you hope that he understands that you still want him with you but you know that his father will take care of him also. Sadly, this may give you some finacial freedom that you are not able to have now due to the ex and the added expenses.
I am sorry that your ex has put you into this position and eventually it will come back to him. Keep in mind that your son is 13 and he’s emotional and may be going through things that he thinks his mom will not understand. My husband told his sons that we know eventually they will decide they want to live with one parent or the other and that is fine. We have asked them to wait until they are 13 to decide and that they are only to decide this once. There will be no switching back and forth. Even though we would miss seeing them on a weekly basis, (his ex and he share joint 50/50 with equal time also) they know that we are there for them and we know that we have laid a foundation for their future…at some point we have to let them decide, and be held accountable for that decision. Whether good or bad, every decision comes with some sort of price and we as adults know that. Sometimes the price is easy to pay and well worth it, sometimes though, the price is just too high.
Keep us posted and good luck
My 13 year old son became angry with me and left at midnight to go to his father’s. The next day my ex sent my child to my house with a policeman to get his possessions. My child has now left for camp for a month, of which I did not agree to…joint legal custody and 50/50 time split. However, the judge in my case has made no ruling whatsoever in my favor and I am assuming the ex will now sue for full custody while my child is away. Part of the difficulty in this situation is the gross disparity in incomes (over 20,000 per month). I have to pay 50% of all the cost for my son, including the cost of this ultra expensive camp. I have struggled for two years financially and simply cannot afford the things for my son that my ex can. My son knows this and told me he was going where money wasn’t a problem. He doesn’t want to move from my house, but I cannot afford to live in this house any more. He was angry with me because I couldn’t attend all of his sporting events because I now have to work full time. Do the Courts not realize that they destroy lives? My rights have been taken away. My ex makes all the decisions. And I have to foot the bills when I cannot afford it. I will lose the child support of which I cannot survive without. Does anyone have any advice?