Is this a court order or an agreement between you and the ex? If this is an agreement between you and the father, then I suggest you discuss it with him prior to filing anything with the court. If the father has no problem with this situation then you would not need to concern yourself with all the legalities of modifying to remove this statement, even if this is a court order.
If the father does not agree with this, or is likely to use this to gain primary custody because he feels it is in the best interest of the children to not be subjected to something that he feels is morally wrong, then you have a problem. If this is a court order that you agreed to then it’s unlikely that the courts would modify custody just to remove this statement. This does not sound like a reason to modify custody…

I agree with stepmother that you should probably discuss it first with the ex…but if he agrees, get that agreement in writing.

The unenforceability of this comes in because of the burden of proof. He’d have to provide proof that you guys live together, and his own sight and hearing isn’t sufficient, nor is the kids, since a lawyer could argue bias and vested interest. He’d have to have a shared rent/mortgage bill or a non-interested witness to really make his case.

In order to file a motion to modify custody you would have to prove to the court that something substantial had changed since the entry of the last order. If the court modified the order it is likely that they would modify this language if you request it.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

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Our Joint Custody Agreement includes the provision, “neither party shall dwell continuously and habitually with a member of the opposite sex in a relationship not solemized as marriage”. My boyfriend and I would like to live together before getting married. He is good to the kids. If I file a motion to modify, what are the odds that the courts will allow us to remove this language?