Custody and Support


If my ex falls behind in child support can I keep the kids from him? We share custody on a regular schedule.


You can’t deny visitation due the past due child support. If you have a signed visitation agreement, you can be issued a show cause. If you have court ordered visitation-you can be held in contempt.

If you don’t have an agreement of any sort, then you both have rights to the children. I guess technically you can deny visitation, but then He could too…when they’re with him. You would be putting your kids in the the middle of an adult situation. You would be using them as pawns…which is not a good thing .

If he owes you child support and you don’t have a support agreement, have support set up with NC Child Support Enforcement.


As someone who is the child of divorced parents, DON’T DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN. It will only reflect negatively upon you in their eyes. Being denied access to the parent is like being held for ransom. It will appear as though you care less for their feelings than for the money. Find another way to get him to comply.


I agree with everyone else - don’t use the child or children as a bargaining chip…Me and my husband have been there with his son’s mother…she keep the child away from him for 6 months because we would not do what she wanted…and $$ won’t even the issue … .the child suffers from being caught in the middle and misses out on that time with the other parent. You can’t keep a child away from the other parent because of lack of payment of support… you could get in more trouble by denying the visits.


You should not deny your spouse visitation for non-payment of support. Though the issue of support is determined based on the number of overnights the children spend at each parent’s home the actual visitation has nothing to do with support. Your remedy is to file a motion for contempt, not to withhold the children.


But can I keep the kids away from him if they don’t like him. I don’t want to go back to court but I told the kids all the bad things he did and that’s why they don’t like him anymore. I had told the judge all the bad things too and he didn’t like him either but he still let him have the kids some. I think it is better for the kids to decide than some judge.


No. You should not keep the children from their father, nor should you alienate them from him by telling them any of the bad things he does. Your children have the right to develop a relationship with their father. Children are not able to decide the custodial arrangement as they likely do not have the ability to judge what is truly in their best interests. If a judge ordered visitation you must follow the order.




Yes, please let the judge decide and abide by his rulings. It may be hard sometimes but it keeps everybody working on the same page. And talking bad about your ex will backfire, no matter what you think. Trust me, I have been on both ends of this issue.


But I don’t really talk bad about him in front of the kids because I know they won’t like it. Sometimes I will pretend like I am talking on the phone and say things about him that way they know but I act like I don’t know they are listening that way they don’t think I am badmouthing there dad to them.


Barnowl, several churches around Charlotte have great programs with helping people understand parenting skills. It really helped me - made things easier and kids are better behaved. Please look into it at your local church. Have a great weekend. I for one am glad its Friday.


Why do you feel it is necessary for you to tell your children all the “bad” things dad does? As long as he isn’t doing anything illegal or harmful to the kids, you need to stay out of his life and his relationship with his kids. If you do not like something he does, be an adult and go through the court system. Do not try to make your children hate their father as a form of revenge against him. Because your trying to alienate them from their father is only hurting the kids. CHildren need both parents despite whatever you think of your ex. But just remember at one time you thought enough of him to have kids with him. And as a warning… be careful or your alienation may come back to bite you in the butt…If dad decides to pursue an alienation case against you based on your actions, a judge may not like it. And you never know what the outcome could be…