Child support & custody

  1. I don’t know what good it would do to bring up the lies in court. My agreement states that neither party is to bad mouth or talk negatively about each other to the kids, but this issue is hard to enforce I would think. Unfortunately, your kids have been used by your ex as pawns for her own supposed ‘gain’. Hopefully with time, they will see the real truth.
  2. I’m not sure on this one.
  3. If you have a signed custody/visitation agreement/order in place and the children are not following it, then you need to enforce it. You say they’re not coming their regular days. Are you not picking them up? Or are they of driving age? You need to tell them that they are to be with you on such and such day. It’s your right. You need this time with them so that they CAN see that you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Have an honest talk with them about things in a non-judgemental way.
  4. People who really know you will know you’re doing the right thing. I have found that exes that slam the other ex are venting their anger. It makes them feel better and takes the blame of any wrong-doing away from them (in THEIR mind). Don’t worry about what others think. If you’re questioned, just answer honestly.

Bottom line: The truth always wins. What comes around–goes around.

Child support can be re-evalutated every three years or with a 15% change of lifestyle and income.
Visitations will not be addressed during a hearing regarding support. They are separate issues. You will have to file for custody modification if you want to address visitation issues…

Since you have been divorced for this length of time, it sounds as though your children were either very young when you divorced or they are about to age out of the child support system. I hope you have finacial records of child support and the extras…
This is just my opinion, but it sounds to me as though your children have either began asking questions about what happened and your ex has determined that once the children are 18 and you stop child support she will not have the extra non-taxable income she is used to having. The more the children stay with her, the more overnights she has, the more child support you are likely to pay. Keep records of everything.
Have you run the calculator to see what the guidelines show you should be paying now? Surely she is not making the same that she made 10 years ago and child support is based on both incomes, number of overnights with each parent, insurance and child care costs.

The first thing that I would tell you is that your children have been with you 3 days a week for the last 10 years and should know whether or not the stuff their mother is saying is true. If they are confronting you with things, the best solution is to address each issue as it comes up. If she’s saying you don’t pay child support, show them the canceled checks. If she’s telling them that you did or didn’t do something ask them if they think you would do that. You can be honest with your children without stooping to talking badly about her. You also can tell them that they are not old enough for you discuss this stuff with. (Depending on their ages). Tell them you love them and are there for them and you will discuss it when they are older. Until then, it’s not their concern. Re-enforce that you are there for them and do not mind discussing some issues with them but that some stuff is off limits.

I will never understand why either parent thinks it’s alright to alienate a child from the other parent…The child is the one that is hurt.

The second thing I would tell you is that you do not need to take all of this personal. Tell your daughter that regardless of what her mother has told her she has no right to disrespect you. Teenagers (if they are teenagers) are very dramatic and the “you ruined my life” or “you did this to us” is not a realistic attitude. It does hurt and it does make you want to defend yourself against things that are said but it is not permanent. My suggestion is that you tell the children that they need to go back to their orginal visitation days and that you and their mother will work this all out.

On the slander, unless things that she has said have maliciously done you harm (lost your job, had to leave your church…) there is little that can be done. All ex’s talk badly about each other but the people that know you will know the truth of the matter. It sounds like the children and others are beginning to judge her and she needs to make herself look and feel better about the type of person she is…

I would assume that a judge would grant a continuance since you will be out of the country. That may have been planned that way from the beginning if the trip was known about so that you would not be in attendence and would look badly to the court. Find out before you leave if the date is changed and push for the date to be confirmed before you leave.

  1. These issues can be brought up in court, but only if you are addressing issues regarding a change in custody or a violation of language in the current custody order. It would not be relevant to change in child support.

  2. It is likely the court will grant your continuance but I cannot say for sure without knowing all the procedural history.

  3. Yes, but you would have to file a motion related to custody and set it to be heard at the same time.

  4. I do not know the laws regarding slander and unfortunately I cannot answer this question.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
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Charlotte, NC 28262
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I am being taken back to court for child support by my ex. The reason for her doing so is that since we divorced 10 yrs ago, in the last 2 years I have began to make more money due to a career change. She is so jealous of my lifestyle now. My ex is the one that left the marriage and had several affairs. She has brainwashed our 3 kids to the point that they dont want to talk to or see me because she is telling them that I have never paid enough for them, etc. She has begun to tell them all sorts of lies and even though I have had them 3 nights a week for 10 years, all of a sudden they arent coming on their normal days. I have always provided for them and given more than what was asked 10 years ago in our seperation agreement. I pay for all health insurance & uninsured medical cost, etc. She is going through CSE to take me back to my court.
My questions are these:
1)My kids are obviously being alienated from me by her. My daughter said I was a liar because my ex told her things that are not true. Can any of this be brought up in court?
2)We were supposed to have court 2 weeks ago and her attorney requested a continuance for August. I will be out of the country on that date. My attorney has requested they change the date since I will not be here. Will a judge grant that?
3)Can I have anything done about visitation at court at the same time of the support hearing?
4)She tells everyone she sees what a sorry dad I am, I dont pay child support, etc. Should I file something against her for slander or what are my other options?

I am at my wits end with her and to be honest my kids. They know that I have always been there for them and been a good dad. I dont know what to do because of the alienation from them. They are old enough to be able to realize that I would think.